“And the award for the album of the year goes to..” Beyonce bounces up on her toes in anticipation as she opened the envelope, her lovely eyes flutter open wide in surprise, “Tired Old Granny Gets Funky!!”
Cheers erupt and tears pop out of my eye sockets as I rise to take the stage.
Durn that Elvis Costello, he can’t move his feet outta my way fast enough! He apologizes as I use my cane to remove his feet from my path more rapidly.
I love my thank you speech, it took me forever to get it right but I was confident that not one of the great new friends who made the album’s success possible was left out.
And then the freakin band starts to play.
“I’m so sorry!” Beyonce kindly whispers to me off camera. Such a nice girl.
I smile and wink at her and turn my attention back to the podium. As the music rises, I catch on to tune and begin to sing, using the rest of my speech as the lyrics to the standard “leave the stage or we’ll play you off” song.
As I completed my speech I was excited to realize not only did I win “best album” but I got a once in a lifetime chance to perform with the orchestra at the Grammys the same time. It was nice because I finished it off with a dramatic high note and managed to hold it longer than the violins could.
The “Granny Shows The Grammys” headlines in the papers the next morning were enjoyable as well.