The biggest hook for me, in both parts that you have posted, is the news report of the missing girl; however, if I picked the story up in a bookstore I doubt I’d have read that far. Why not start with the report? Now, I may be jumping the gun, but am I right in thinking one of the people in the bar is going to be the next victim? If that is the case, then why not start with the news report, have the bar flies discuss it, and then at the end of the chapter have the attack. Of course this may not be your story but as soon as I read about the missing girl, that’s where I expect the story to go. You may of course have an even better idea–which could hit me with a surprise, but the news report is certainly the best part.