Hi Kathleen – I agree with you about “though” and canceled it and the two words before it, “the air”, as I think doing that does tighten things up. We’ll have to agree to disagree about the second stanza, however! I meant “an almost felt” as the lightest of pressures, but there all the same, and “a tenseness…..” to reflect that brush with melancholy that does clutch the heart. Although I will keep your suggestions in mind, as sometimes after a certain time passes I look at things differently.
Thanks for the helping hand, much appreciated.