Re: Re: Estatic! (Literally just typed this one as well) Fresh off my Mind!

Home Forums Critique Central Poetry Estatic! (Literally just typed this one as well) Fresh off my Mind! Re: Re: Estatic! (Literally just typed this one as well) Fresh off my Mind!

#503424

bigiq
Participant

It starts out a little all over the map, but the last six lines or so really pull together–excellent for no prior editing and worth the effort to do some. “It rushes pent” could use some tweaking. I know that you mean “once pent” it now “rushes” but the wording doesn’t quite convey that. Perhaps something as simple as “pent from a long period of neglect, it now rushes…ready…” or “once pent…it rushes” –you get my drift. P.S., I don’t like either of my examples so I’m sure you can do better 😉