Re: Re: Does my query letter suck?

Home Forums Critique Central Query Letter Clinic Does my query letter suck? Re: Re: Does my query letter suck?

#557679

benben
Participant

Okay… so I suck. 🙂 What’s funny is that the style of query that I was attempting to emulate was from a list of “successful sample queries”. I’d post the link, but some poor newb like me might end up using them. Anyways, I am going to post my second attempt at a query letter with my most earnest effort to implement the useful critiques that have been given. Thank you to everyone who has helped thus far and please keep the hits coming.

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UNTIL LIFE DO US PART is an 81,000 word science fiction novel. Skylar, the love of DavinÂ’s life, dies suddenly and unexpectedly. Or did she? Guilt ridden over his involvement in her death, Davin attempts to pay his penance the only way he believes possible. Once a month he forces himself to utilize the services of a virtual reality company to relive the fateful day of SkylarÂ’s death. DavinÂ’s plan to torture himself goes unabated until his sessions suddenly become filled with unexpected program changes that attack him with everything from serial killers to meteors. A death in the virtual world for DavinÂ’s weathered heart will undoubtedly mean death in reality. With a mysterious villain out for his blood, Davin tempts fate in his unending quest to achieve redemption and learns the true meaning of love and friendship along the way.