Re: Re: Death and Divorce

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#618896

Anonymous

Thanks all. I thought it might be progressive of me to share what I wrote. Keep in mind this is young adult fantasy and this part is coming from the point of view of the father. You can pick it apart as you like, my feelings won’t be hurt. 🙂 I did read was pls was saying in some of his critiques, “Show me, don’t tell me” and I think that gets portrayed here very well. Let me know what you think.

While refusing to get out of bed, I began to see how bad things in my life had gotten. My stomach turned and I could feel the acid rising up my esophagus and into my mouth. I felt the small tingling sensation in my lips when my lungs begin to breathe in deeper but exhale less. The slight tingle was my body’s way of telling me two things: one, I was holding in too much oxygen in my blood and second, a good size anxiety attack was well on its way.
I grabbed my body pillow and pulled it next to me as I laid there in the fetal position. I tried to control my breathing, but my lack of control of my thoughts made it damn near impossible. I was now focusing on things I could not control and it was tearing me up inside. It felt as though the weight of the world was on my shoulders and the fate of these little girls rested solely on me and my decisions. It was too much for me to bear at this time. I had no one to blame for any mistakes made but myself.
Their mother was gone and I was left alone to care for these innocent, fragile little lives and I couldn’t even take care of myself at this time. They looked to me now more than ever to show them ways of my world after no other person they love could ever understand them the way I could. After all, they were half me and I have to help them unlock their potentials and help them be who they were destined to be.
How was I going to pull that off? I thought to myself, as if doubting and questioning my abilities as a father and poor husband was going to do me any favors. I couldn’t even get out of bed, much less take them half way across the world.
I tried to reach out for my phone to call someone. Not sure who I would call, but I figured someone in my contact list would be able to at least listen to my fears and help talk me out this. As I stretched out for the device, my fingers began to tingle and go numb as well. Dialing was now what would appear to be an impossible task. It wouldn’t be long now before the panic attack would take over my whole being.
At about this time Abigail came into my bedroom still wearing her pajamas and carrying her blanket she always had with her for security. She used to only just sleep with it, but since her mother left us she had it with her always. Her hair was still not brushed but being only five years old in human years, and hair so long it went past the lumbar of her back, she lacked the dexterity to untangle it on her own.
“Hi daddy,” she said. There was a bit of sorrow or concern in her voice, I couldn’t tell which but Abigail always knew when I was down. She had that innate sense about me whenever my mood wasn’t upbeat or jovial as it normally is even being in another room, she could tell something was wrong.
“Hi baby” I managed to muster together a complete sentence with breaking down. How noble of me. But I couldn’t let her see how much I was pain I was in, though I was sure I wasn’t fooling anyone much less the empathic Abigail.
“What’s wrong?” She asked as she and her “Blankey” crawled into bed with me and she starred at me with those big beautiful blue eyes.
What could I tell here? I thought. I couldn’t tell her of all the adult problems that I was dealing with. I couldn’t tell her how much I was missing her other sisters and to do what’s best, I have to sneak back to a land where if I am caught, they will execute me. I figure some simple answer would have to suffice. Telling her I was fine wasn’t going to cut it for her and I knew it.
“Daddy’s heart hurts, baby. That’s all,” I wasn’t really lying but it covered enough ground to appease the both of us.
Abby dropped her blanket next to her on the bed and gave me the biggest hug either of us has ever shared together. “I just thought you needed a hug so I came in here. I was right.”
“Yes Biddy, Daddy really needed this hug,” I agreed with her as the tears began to fall uncontrollably and I hugged her back with every ounce of love I could ever have for any one person.
While I held her, Abby whispered into my ear, “You’ll do what’s right, Daddy, I knows it.”
I couldn’t help but think that there was no way on this earth, that this little girl was only five. She knew what to say and how to say it. I exhaled in relief as the feeling began to return to my fingers and lips. Damn, this kid was good.
“I love you, Daddy.”
“I love you more, Biddy.”