First of all – I hope you find resolution to what you are going through. There is no comfort anyone can simply “say” to you.
You have hit on a couple of things. First, you cannot write about an experience successfully until you have felt it. If it is any comfort, then think of your experiences as making you a better writer.
The second thing you hit on is your audience. People read fiction so they can escape from their own lives for a moment. That escape needs to be something they can relate to. Writing about what you are going through with such detail will help whoever reads it. As you experienced, writing about it prevented you from having to live it. The same is true for the reader.
So, in some strange sense, you are also a therapist!