I would advise taking out: “I am impressed with the acclaim and notoriety you were able to achieve for him.” The agent didn’t do that and it isn’t the agents job. (Didn’t we have this discussion? LOL) No, really. You just want the agent to sell it for you. The rest is up to publicists (which agents aren’t), you, the publishing company and the fickle gods of fate. Now the agent does have a hand in trying to negotiate a good contract saying that the publishing company will spend money on marketing it and will normally advise you on this kind of thing, but they are your sales agent.
And the last paragraph, I’d take out “to facilitate your response and say something like “according to your guidelines.” You don’t know how thrilled agents are to hear that someone actually reads and follows guidelines. And it makes you look like the kind of person that might be nice to work with–and this IS an important consideration for an agent.
I know it seems like there should be something to more but if you don’t have writing credits, a big-name writing workshop, or an MBA in writing, there’s really nothing to add.