Re: Re: Chicken Soup with Rice

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#469813

tijuanasmellsgood
Participant

John – it sounds to me more like a sketch than a finished piece. I think each stanza introduces an interesting moment, perhaps you need to expand them, sometimes even a line or two will be enough. I think too that your last line is too abrupt, and perhaps you could expand more on the “mistakes” that vibrate in Rosie’s singing, their sound that reverberates and your response to it. Just some ideas…….

janet