Re: Re: Cancer, called Loneliness” / Revised 11/29/08

Home Forums Critique Central Poetry Cancer, called Loneliness” / REMOVED/1/12/09 Re: Re: Cancer, called Loneliness” / Revised 11/29/08

#498209

Bruce
Participant

Angel Rose,
I agree with Stephen that this is sad to think about, but know that for most these feelings come around, stay around and eventually leave.

May I suggest you could tighten it up by cutting out some of the non-necessary words. As it is it’s very wordy. I’d like to see you work on it some more and repost. I’m not saying take this one down, but work on it. For instance:

Because loneliness is cured by friendship and family,

and loved ones are better than chemo or raditation,

because (it) warms not just the heart,
You are talking about loved ones, friendship and family, but you say ‘it’ when referring to back to that.

Elizabeth