Re: RE: Camping, a Grannie’s Gravy story – 806 words, including recipe

Home Forums Critique Central Poetry Removed Re: RE: Camping, a Grannie’s Gravy story – 806 words, including recipe

#349318

mlghaley
Participant

JohnOBX – 2009-03-22 5:38 PM

I’d cut the first section and start with the camping part.  You have some lines that work really well and paint a picture of your father in very clear, minimalist strokes.  Really like the one about holding up his hand and stopping the wind, though I didn’t follow you so much on the warts line.

3rd section is your strongest, by far.

I don’t eat fish, so I can’t comment on your recipie.

Best,

–John

Thanks so much for taking the time to respond John. It might help to know this is a memory cookbook for my family, (not to be sold), so there are lines here-and-there, or whole sections for that matter, that most likely aren’t going to make sense to anyone else. That’s one reason I hesitated to put this one out here. I think I like that 3rd section best too; maybe I need to just take each one [section]and pretend it’s a story in it’s own right – would that help? I’ll try it.

By way of explanation re: the wart line – this is a characteristic of my father the whole family associates with him. He uses one of those old-timey-hoodoo-voodoo rituals to take away warts, and it works every time. He removed 12 warts from my sister’s hands when she was around 7-years-old.

Thanks again!