What the hell are you two doing?
Nothin, they chorused simultaneously. They each stuck another one in. Fred coughed, and Tim smirked.
Why do you keep cramming those in your mouths?
Tim said he could fit more so I bet him I could, Fred said, shifting around the contents of his mouth.
I dont know, he thinks he can do it.
No. Why bet at all?
They shrugged. Nothin else to do, Fred offered. They each popped another one in.
So youll just keep cramming them in until one of you barfs?
There are rules, Tim stated impatiently. I rolled my eyes. Cant swallow. Have to whole when they come back out.
Youre going to spit them back out to count dude, thats disgusting.
Tim grinned ghoulishly, his checks distorted out. Fred stuck in another one.
Cant this go somewhere else, starving orphans in China, that sort of thing?
Never gonna get there in time, Tim got out, and shoved two more in.
Dey donut eta em anawha, Fred offered.
Fred tried to say it again, but could not longer shut his mouth all the way. He grabbed my notebook and wrote something.
They dont eat them anyway. You dont know that! You made it up to rationalize your stupid game!
Fred shrugged and picked another one up.
No. This is stupid. Stop it.
Fred shoved it in his mouth. By now he had to stretch his lips out to keep them in.
I said stop it.
He picked up another one.
Are you serious thats it! I smacked his cheeks with both hands. He gagged, then coughed out a waterfall of smushed, slick grapes. I jumped out of the way as they splattered on the floor.
What the hell did you do that for? Fred yelled. In the corner, Tim was making wheezing noises.
Tim, stop laughing!
Tim waved his hands and wheezed.
Seriously, its not funny, Tim, I admonished him. Then I noticed he was getting blue in the face. A grape dribbled out. Tim? Are you okay?
He shook his head frantically. Another grape flew out across the room.
Oh my God. Oh my God. Freds eyes widened. Hes choking.
Give him the Heimlich! I yelled.
The Heimlich! Yeah, okay. Fred grabbed Tim from behind, wrapped his hands around his chest, and heaved him up. Tim sputtered. Fred did it again. Tim let out an awful sound and out came the grapes, spewing all over as he coughed uncontrollably. His face went from blue to red, and he heaved in some deep breaths.
Tim. Tim, are you okay?
He nodded. Okay. Im okay. Fred and I stared for a few more moments as his breathing steadied and he slowly straightened up.
Well. I hope you two learned your lesson.
Fred and Tim groaned.
No, dont give me that. What has this taught us?
They looked at each other. Dont try and see how many grapes we can fit in our mouths
Yes, thank you.
When youre around.