Re: Re: Autumn’s Fall

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#503059

LorrieAT
Participant

Dan, I agree with all that has been said so far. It does have some real promise, but as the others have pointed out, it does need some work.

Here is a small sample:

“The summer greens, once more as in times before,” (I’m not sure if “greens” is a noun or verb here.)

“From fields they fly, for over them a shroud of frost does lie.” (Who are “they”? If greens is a noun then “they” might could work here but that leaves us with the “fly”ing part. )

“And with painter’s brush tight in hand, to leafy groves over the land,” (Do “they” have hands as well as wings or does this refer to Jack?)

“Jack doth ply a coat of autumn dyes.”

You have the makings of a good poem but ……

Your friend, Gil