Re: RE: An old idea resurected

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I agree with jrtomlin that these are too long. For a query you only need to tell enough to hook the reader’s interest, not explain the whole plot.

Your first sentence in Query 1 was a good way to start but, of the two examples you gave, the second one was my favorite. The first paragraph of the second query would make a nice summary if you tighten it up a bit.