Paul – another compelling piece. Gad – I got a stomach ache when I saw those posters. I hope you submit this piece to a Dallas paper as an op-ed or letter to the editor. The pictures definitely hooked me. And I thought you did a good job of guiding the reader through your thinking and keeping everything related to your main point. You used the posters for this to good effect.
I was confused by your numbers in a couple places. Here:
70.8% of children killed in the home are killed by mothers. 70.6% of children abused by one parent are abused my mothers. 60% of those abused children are male.
Did you mean that 60% of the 70.6% are male? Or 60% of all abused children are male?
And at the end:
There will be no solutions as long as we collectively deny that half the victims exist. Or, for that matter, half the perpetrators.
But up near the beginning, you wrote:
Still, men are the ones physically injured or killed in about 38% of cases
Which is it, half or 38%?
This also confused me; I had to read it a few times to get it:
One of the pitfalls of writing honestly about gender issues is the necessity to repeat basic truths in the face of innumerable, universally accepted lies. It’s like trying to collect donations for the Rainbow Coalition at a KKK rally.
What the hell, let’s do it anyway.
It is important that this be clear, since it sets up the essay for you. I read it this way: you’re saying that you’re about to bust some myths, to tell some little-known truths that fly in the face of “common knowledge” (pardon all the cliche’s – I know how you feel about cliche’s but they make my point) and that it feels frustrating, or futile to you to do this. But it has to be done, in the name of honesty. Am I close? I don’t have any suggestions about how to make it more clear, except maybe remove the sarcasm and the KKK/Rainbow analogy and just say what you’re saying.
Finally, a couple favorite phrases:
“Advertisers do everything with meticulous intent.”
“ find their way into my office via the back of somebody’s hand, or worse”