yes there are grammer issues. i had no idea this was originally a joke as maia was talking about. if indeed this story or joke has been told then you need to worry about that issue. if the story/joke has never been published but well known then it likely won’t be a marketable story. and maia is also correct that children’s stories need to teach something positive and the character needs to grow in some way. if you want to do illustrations for the story and keep for yourself that’s great…but maia is also correct that publishers use their own illustrators.
after reading this again i can see the point where it’s not geared towards kids…that’s because the main character is an adult and not a child.
So if this is in fact an original idea, it’s creative. Do i think it can be published? not the way it’s written.