Originally after this happened I knew I messed up big time. It all came from pure ignorance but what more could be expected when I was brought up and live in an ignorant society. Then in my attempts to do something about this I joined Toastmasters to learn public speaking but I had in the past attempted to work with single’s groups with divorce recovery. All our society does is change bed partners and I had been helping out in a church setting that promoted instead of trying to find the right person, become the right person. Then My ex died from lung cancer and I got these journals which I had seen right after she killed herself. She was determined to kill herself so she wrote her version of what life was like for her. My ex’s death to me was also a form of suicide. After working on this material since 2005 and sharing some of it with different people my thoughts about what am I trying to accomplish came to light as I’d write.
I am trying to show how messed up our society has become because we’ve completely lost sight of family. We totally do not have a hint at what relationships or relating are about. We know how to have sex and bring children into this world but do not know how to become a team in bringing those children up and giving them a decent foundation to face life with. Right now it’s a matter of control and manipulation to get what one wants, needs or desires without earning one another’s trust and respect. Our society is running on empty with the basics of self-esteem, self-love and self-confidence and one look at our dysfunctional government is all it takes to see our majority’s character.
When I attract sympathy and an over abundance of ways to heal my emotional and mental health I know I am not on course with what my original intentions were. If I would only get responses from one group at did this sort of thing, I could handle that but this is common from most I’ve shared with and quite frankly common to suicidal people. That’s the reason they withdraw from others.
I not sure if that explains it, but I don’t know any other way to do that. I’ll leave this on for a couple days then delete everything I wrote.