Well, here comes another one. I can hardly believe my luck. If I had to endure one more person putting their unfamiliar, smelly ass on me one more time, I think Im gonna lose it. But, then again, what can I do? I am just a car.
There are too many situations where I am unable to negotiate on my own behalf. Salespeople are only concerned with the dollar, but I truly care about the customer. Who the hell am I kidding? I dont give a rats ass about the customer or the almighty dollar; I just care about me, and whats in it for me.
Why did I have to turn out to be a Neon; a Neon? Come on! I should have been an Escalade something large, and powerful. They wouldnt let just anyone hop in me. Theyd respect me! Id be worth it, thats for sure.
Alright, here we go oh shit.
Get in lady; squeeze that fat ass in my seat Oh God, what the hell did you eat for lunch? It smells like Mexican. Oh, you didnt. Yes, you did what the hell is wrong with you people? You dont think that doesnt smell. Your names gotta be Ms. Shitzalot, cause you smell like ass! I know you hear me; dont pretend those squeaks are me getting all excited to have you testing the strength of my shocks. If that asshole salesman sells me to you, Ill drive myself off a cliff.
Jesus, that was close yeah, you just walk away Big Betty. Youre not worthy of such a fine machine. Ok, if I were a fine machine, you sure as shit wouldnt be welcome here.
All I can say is that its a good thing they cant put us cars on the clearance aisle in Wal-Mart, cause Id be screwed. I just cant do it; I cant be sold to someone who doesnt deserve me. Who am I kidding Im a nothing. I gotta get my shit together and get outta here. The next non-fat-smelly person to test drive me gets me.
Now, here comes a live one. Nice; not too heavy. I can smell them from here, smells good like that bread factory next door to where I was made. The shoes look clean, thats a plus. I think this one may be worth my trouble. If I could only get that putz, sales guy Jessie over here to make sure they take the bait then we could get somewhere.
Alright, here we go boys watch the master and see how its done. Im gonna have this one eating out of my drivers seat in the next 5 minutes just wait!