Re: Re: A Car’s Thoughts on Negotiation – 9/15

Home Forums Motivation Station Writing Prompts and Challenges A Car’s Thoughts on Negotiation – 9/15 Re: Re: A Car’s Thoughts on Negotiation – 9/15



Well, here comes another one. I can hardly believe my luck. If I had to endure one more person putting their unfamiliar, smelly ass on me one more time, I think I’m gonna lose it. But, then again, what can I do? I am just a car.
There are too many situations where I am unable to negotiate on my own behalf. Salespeople are only concerned with the dollar, but I truly care about the customer. Who the hell am I kidding? I don’t give a rat’s ass about the customer or the almighty dollar; I just care about me, and what’s in it for me.
Why did I have to turn out to be a Neon; a Neon? Come on! I should have been an Escalade… something large, and powerful. They wouldn’t let just anyone hop in me. They’d respect me! I’d be worth it, that’s for sure.
Alright, here we go… oh shit.
Get in lady; squeeze that fat ass in my seat… Oh God, what the hell did you eat for lunch? It smells like Mexican. Oh, you didn’t. Yes, you did… what the hell is wrong with you people? You don’t think that doesn’t smell. Your name’s gotta be Ms. Shitzalot, cause you smell like ass! I know you hear me; don’t pretend those squeaks are me getting all excited to have you testing the strength of my shocks. If that asshole salesman sells me to you, I’ll drive myself off a cliff.
Jesus, that was close… yeah, you just walk away Big Betty. You’re not worthy of such a fine machine. Ok, if I were a fine machine, you sure as shit wouldn’t be welcome here.
All I can say is that it’s a good thing they can’t put us cars on the clearance aisle in Wal-Mart, cause I’d be screwed. I just can’t do it; I can’t be sold to someone who doesn’t deserve me. Who am I kidding… I’m a nothing. I gotta get my shit together and get outta here. The next non-fat-smelly person to test drive me gets me.
Now, here comes a live one. Nice; not too heavy. I can smell them from here, smells good… like that bread factory next door to where I was made. The shoes look clean, that’s a plus. I think this one may be worth my trouble. If I could only get that putz, sales guy Jessie over here to make sure they take the bait… then we could get somewhere.
Alright, here we go boys… watch the master and see how it’s done. I’m gonna have this one eating out of my driver’s seat in the next 5 minutes – just wait!