Don’t do it–he’s cut my brake lines! If you take those keys, human, you doom us both. If you allow yourself to be intoxicated by stream of honeyed venom this grinning maniac drips into your ear, you will never see another sunset. You seem like a nice enough kid, standing awkwardly in the tux you rented for prom and chattering your excitement to the bad man. I can see the flicker of doubt in your eyes from time to time, your common sense warring with impulsive greed.Take a moment to think, you silly young creature! This deal only sounds too good to be true because it is. For the first time since my theft this morning hope soars within me at the caution on your features.
“Sorry, no time for a test drive, I’ve got a bus to catch.”
The madman’s smile remains steady as he twirls the key ring idly around his index finger. “You only get one senior prom, kid. Do you want to be punctual and make your date roll in a ride that smells like hobo piss or do you want to be half an hour late and escort her in this chariot?”
I don’t believe it, you’re letting him get to you. Go! Catch your bus and forget you ever met this nutjob! Can’t you smell the lies and the danger and the blood congealing in my trunk? Can’t you smell the brake fluid? There is only one long winding road connecting this little mountain town to the highway and civilization. In my current condition, either direction on it will end with us careening off a cliff and into the dense forest below. You, me, and the corpse currently inhabiting my trunk will crash down to earth like a demented comet. Our mangled wreckage might not be found for weeks, months, years. This monster will have skipped over state lines by then. He might never get caught. Listen to your instincts, you can tell something is off about this guy! Stay strong, human, stay strong.
The madman senses he has you off balance and follows up on his advantage. “I’ll probably regret this, but I’ll shave another hundred bucks off the price if you’ll reconsider. What do you have to lose?”
After a moment of tension that stretches into tiny eternities, the keys change hands, clinking together with all the metallic finality of a guillotine blade. You climb behind the wheel, dizzy at the good fortune that’s befallen you, you don’t notice that the seller’s grin has adopted a distinctly feral edge.
Don’t say I didn’t warn you.