We are gathered together here to mourn the passing of Friendship.
Dear Friendship was slain last week by Oneupmanship and Inyourface; there was no reason for it, they just did it because they could.
Attention may have played a part, He and Insecurity were seen lurking. Im certain Ego was involved too.
Without Friendship, this house is not a home. Im not sure how many of us will be willing to stay. I shall.
Just this morning, I found a small bundle on my doorstep. Her name is Acquaintance. With the help of Nurture, Understanding and Respect, I hope she will quickly grow into a new Friendship, perhaps one strong enough to withstand the casual carelessness of the unthinking mind.
Let us make this our task then, to generate a rebirth for Friendship, then she will not have died in vain.
Ill take questions now.
Yes, you up there in the cheap seats. What was that? Why do I designate Friendship and Acquaintance as feminine? Can you say Duh!
Yes, the fat man with the smelly cigar. Oh, Im sorry, yes, Ill wait until you finish your kielbasa. Now, your question?
What about having a little fun now and then? Certainly. Show us the fun in your words. We are writers, so write funny. There is an entire universe between petty and funny. To put it into simple terms, funny good, petty bad. Uh, theres a bit of mustard on your upper lip.
Yes, the lovely young lady in green. Shouldnt the offended be strong enough to shrug off the offender? After all, its all just opinions.
You are quite correct. Opinions are like a**holes, everyone has them. Quite a bit of noxious stuff results too. To me however, the point is all in the challenge. It is so easy to write carelessly, lazily, sloppily. (Apologies for three adverbs in a row)
Ive no doubt each and everyone of us could offend everyone else on the forum without even trying. I can certainly offend about half of you with three simple words: God is selfish. I can offend a lot more with one word: Bush
Then as more than one poster wrote I can sit back and count the hits on my masterful prose.
Wheres the challenge as a writer in cheap shots like those. You want real praise? Write well. You really want your opinion to mean something? Write thoughtfully.
This is not schoolyard 101. This is the Writers Digest. If all you want to do is offend people, join PETA. Were here to learn how to write and to share that learning with others who wish to write too.
Before I step down from the podium, Id like to make a wee suggestion: a week back or maybe two, Mom posted the emoticon voluntary ban or EVB as it is known. We somehow survived that.
Lets try to help Acquaintance grow into Friendship by taking a voluntary ban on two tiny little pronouns. Lets go a week without using I and You.
And if I read one more piece of crap from you little …