Re: new to the forum and would like some feedback

Home Forums Critique Central Spiritual Writing new to the forum and would like some feedback Re: new to the forum and would like some feedback


Gary Hopkins

Hi all,

Nice to meet all of you. I would like to get some feedback on some writing I did.

I have one book finished which isnt published yet and another I am writing.

I would like to put some info in on both.

Hope I can get some good feedback on what you think. I would appreciate it.

here is a bit about my first book!!

The Power of Words

She jumped into her car and quickly drove over to Magic’s house.

When she got there she started banging on the door and noone answered. So she just kept banging, but she couldn’t figure out what had happened. Where was Magic she thought, I was just speaking to her 20 minutes ago. What happened to her? Miracles was frantic. She went around the back of the house to see if she could see into Magic’s place, but she didn’t see a soul. She broke the window and somehow finally got in and started running throughout Magic’s house.

Suddenly Miracles heard a noise and quietly went over to where she heard it, but she didn’t see anyone. Miracles was frantic. Oh my god, what happened to my friend. Someone must have killed her. She was nowhere’s in sight. She heard many noises. Finally, Miracles found a computer and the computer was making a lot of noise. It was loud and as she got to the computer, the computer had written on it, “In one hour you are going to die.” “In one hour you are going to die.” The computer kept spitting out those words over and over again. Oh my god Miracles thought what kind of a prank is this.

next book:

I closed my eyes and the Butterfly sent me a message and said a few things. I am not just a Butterfly. I own a very special meaning and message and that is what I am here to bring to you today.

The Butterfly started to explain.

I once was a caterpillar. I ate alot of green leaves and went into a cocoon state, fell asleep and dreamed a dream. My dream was to become a miraculous beautiful butterfly with long silky legs and fly where ever I wanted to. To fly on every beautifully scented flower that ever existed and excited me as I love the flowers because I feel, see and smell them as they are. They give off the most enchanting mesmerizing scent that you could ever imagine and that I have ever smelt in my entire existence. They draw me to them and keep me captivated. I enter a state of being who I am and I become present living in that moment and in no other, other than the moment that I am in.

I am so happy I took flight, but if I did not dream the dream of being this beautiful miraculous butterfly that I now am, I would not be able to realize this dream of mine and fly. I fly everyday now. I do not crawl as slowly as I once did.

In that moment the butterfly asked me – so what is your Dream??

so may I have some feedback thanks,