Re: Again, In the Beginning …looking for a crit today!…

Home Forums Critique Central Poetry Again, In the Beginning …looking for a crit today!… Re: Again, In the Beginning …looking for a crit today!…

#471152

bfergel
Participant

This is going to accompany my poem “You, Hero” in submission, unless I get convincing votes otherwise. I really want honest opinions about it: I do not want to send off anything that will not be a credit to my writing. This is an old poem I totally rehauled today. I am already skeptical, but want to include plenty of options…

 

Again, In The Beginning–Phoenix

To be fire!

To burn, melt,

Be a heart of flame and a tongue of smoke,

To wrap Being with a Nothing—

Void.

Soul

Unmaterialized,

Free of impediment,

And soaring up

Into vapor, and falling

Deep into ash. Dry,

Formless

Ashes,

Gray with unbeing,

Yet black for faith

That Being was, and Being—

Stirs!

And life returns,

Burned clean of all

Debris and weight.

Wrapped by a strand of flesh,

Rising once more, unfolded

Into what Was,

But yet has never been

And is to be again,

Never before revealed, yet

What will once more soar,

Driven in a flurry of wing

And a glinting of eye

To a sky familiar, yet—

In the expanse, unfolding wings,

To scream,

I

Am!”

    Fire glinting in the crimson of feather,

    Down fluttering as an ashy layered coat.