Reply To: First Chapter

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#656604

elessarswife
Participant

Hello, Laceymarie! Hey, I have to say that the first few sentences drew me in immediately. I agreed with the MC that running should be reserved for running from said axe murderers or towards chocolate buffet fountains/tables! You did an amazing job with putting the reader in the head of the protagonist, her health and why she has to keep herself active. I thought the pacing went at a good clip. You didn’t bog the reader down with a ton of backstory in the beginning. You also did a great job with setting and atmosphere, especially when Ariel got the feeling of being watched. I thought she was a goner until the new stranger popped out of nowhere, saving her from a certain death. I even thought it was realistic that she froze initially but then she got her wits about her and took off when given that second chance! I would definitely like to find out what happens. All in all, I didn’t find any errors or detractors present in this piece. It read very well and shows great promise!