Fortune Cookie 06/13-06/19

[Gladys]

Cute really liked it. Wonder what happened when they left the cafe?
Gladys

[HPvD]

"People are going to love the FREE Preview of your book on your website www.lulu.com/hpvanduuren" !!!!!

Oh, my God...., not again!!!

Than people might even buy my book, and than I might even have to buy myself a luxurious seaworthy yacht just to be able to live up to my BESTSELLER STATUS!!!






About the Author: HP van Duuren is a successful salesman and writer that helps people to write their Business Vision, Sales Copy, Newsletters and Press Releases. He is the Author of the International ‘Hit’: “A VISION for a HAPPY, HEALTHY & RICH LifeStyle” A short and Kick-start stimulating Selfhelp - and Personal Growth book based on his unusual life story and experience as a Creative Sales Support Employee at PolyGram, one of the Biggest International Entertainment Companies in the World. Today better known as UNIVERSAL.

http://www.lulu.com/hpvanduuren

[loudermilk]

Made in Mexico.

[Brian]

These responses were great this week. I really enjoyed them and actually laughed out loud at "Beware of your wife. She will kill you tonight".

Keep up the great writing!
Brian A. Klems

[queenb]

It's lunchtime and you have Chinese food delivered. At the end of your meal, you open your fortune cookie--but this fortune is different. It's the most shocking revelation you could ever imagine. What does your fortune say? And what is your reaction?

Please limit your response to 500 words or fewer.


After eating a "nasty tasting" pint of Kung Pao Chicken; I opened the overcooked fortune cookie. "This was an enjoyable lunch,
Kung Pao Chicken that tasted like "True Grit" and a burnt fortune cookie. I hope the fortune is good. I read the fortune; I imagine I had this dumbfounded look upon my face. The fortune read: "Your body will self distruct in 5 seconds" Oh crap!
KABOOM!

[PaoHdez]

You are NOT the father.

"I knew it!" -Darth Vador

[Cider with Susie]

I remember that phone call, as if it were yesterday. It was one of those 'drop everything right now and get to my house' kind of calls. When I arrived, Hannah was distraught. She threw a fortune cookie message at me and it landed at my feet. The message simply said, “be kind to one another, be tender hearted… or you will die.’
I laughed. My sister Hannah was such a drama queen. “You don’t take it seriously surely?”
“Do you know my friend Lena?” she asked. I nodded. “Well, we both received the same message at a restaurant last week and now she’s dead.”
According to Hannah, Lena had gone to the doctors in a state of anxiety a few days earlier. She’d been given a full check up and then a clean bill of health.
"She had an argument with a neighbour," sobbed Hannah. "I’ve been nice up to now but I don’t know how long I can keep it up."

Two months on and the same fortune cookie messages kept popping up. They were usually found on or near the bodies of the dead.
When it began to make headline news across the world, all restaurants were closed down and the sale of fortune cookies stopped.
Soon, the authorities were on high alert searching for and destroying every fortune cookie that could be found.
Soon, a state of emergency was announced.
Soon, Hannah had forgotten to be nice…

As I attended her funeral, I swore that I would never open a fortune cookie again but fate had other plans for me…
I was having a meal with some people a few weeks after the funeral and we were given fortune cookies afterwards, I guessed that it was some kind of sick joke on the part of the host. Disgusted, I attempted to flick it away. It bounced off my glass, was tossed up in the air and landed on my lap. It broke open and the message stared up at me.

As the death toll rose, people were trampled underfoot as they desperately sort supplies to keep them going through the dark times.
As I sit here in my home with my tins of food and my curtains closed, I know that one day like so many before me, I will offend someone and break the rule of the fortune cookie…

[Skip Cooper]

From a real fortune cookie recently:

"Tomorrow, prepare to be spontaneous."

[mfarraday]

I was laughing with my friends when I opened the fortune cookie. Everyone was animated today, it was a Friday and we were all tired from work and ready for the weekend. Sandra was telling June how she was going camping in a few hours. Joe was talking to Phil about the hockey game that would be on TV the next day, the one that would decide the championship. I had just taken a sip of my beer when I saw the message.

"The money is in a flower box at the corner of Baker and 5th."

I stared down at the note, wondering where it had come from. The message had been scrawled with a ballpoint pen; on the other side of the paper, i saw the original fortune, just some lucky numbers. Maybe it was a practical joke.

“What do you think of this?” I asked June. I handed her the tattered piece of paper.

“The money is in a FLOWER BOX?” she read in a tone of disbelief. “Well, what the heck? That’s just unsanitary. You should complain to the owners.”

I gave her a quizzical look and she paused at my expression.

“Oh, please Cameron, you can’t be seriously considering whether the note is for REAL?”

“I think that’s icky,” Sandra said with a sniff. “Someone obviously handled your cookie before you did.”

“It seemed well wrapped,” I said with a shrug. As far as I knew, someone at the cookie factory had inserted the message before the cookie was packaged. It didn’t mean the food wasn’t clean.

As soon as I got home, I did a search for street intersections by those names. There was only one: the neighboring city of Donohue, Ohio. In a few minutes I was in my car and on my way, a map I’d printed out clutched in my hands. I had a friend in Donohue, actually someone who lived close to the intersection in question, and if nothing panned out then I could call on her. It wouldn’t be a wasted trip.

[Hannah-Lynn]

Deep breaths. In, one, two, three, four, out, one, two, three, four.
I'd been stood up again and was getting tired of it. Thankfully, I'd intentionally chosen my favorite restaurant so at least I got to eat what I really wanted. Besides, I wasn't humiliated to be stood up here. Nobody here cared if you ate alone or not. I did bring a book for just such a circumstance but I hadn't made myself open it yet. I felt better just watching people. Not those in the restaurant but the ones walking by outside. I was glad the hostess favored me enough to always give me the window seat. She smiled at me enough that I couldn't tell if she was hitting on me or just had a level of awesomeness I rarely found these days but at this point, I didn't even care. Points to her.
It was an hour and a half past the meeting time and it was only in the last five minutes my phone went off with the short text message saying he wouldn't be able to make it. Again. No apology or excuse though.
Figures.
I wasn't surprised. I mean, I'd married the man without knowing much of anything about him but I'd quickly gotten the idea that our date nights didn't rate high on his list of priorities. That'll teach me to drink too much in public, especially around friends.
Ha, 'friend', I scoffed at myself. He and I had barely been friends. We had friends in common, which is why we had to figure out to play nice in the first place. I hadn't known how emotionally abusive he was until it was too late, and I should have just listened to my sober intuition about him. It's no wonder I had to be blackout drunk to think marrying him was a dandy idea.
From the corner of my eye I saw the hostess nod to one of the servers, who promptly came over with my bill and three fortune cookies.
I peered up at him, bemused.
"There's only me here."
The server glanced back at the hostess, uncertain, but she had a stern look to her and when her eyes narrowed he instantly faced me again.
"You get to choose," he told me, clearly uncomfortable.
Taking pity on him and hoping that if I got the oddity over with the poor kid would be free from the hostess' glare, I took the one on the left.
He bailed without looking back and the hostess hovered a bit closer than before.
I broke the cookie open and pulled out the small slip of paper, finding it was folded over three times.
Can they do this? Isn't this cheating? Isn't there a standard length to -
"Oh."
I looked back up at the hostess, who was beaming at me. She gave me a deep nod and went back to her post.
I stared down at the small cookie paper I'd dropped.

They'll never find his body. You're welcome. Who's next on the list?

I could only seem to process a single thought.
What had been the 'fortunes' in the other two cookies?