Blind Date 5/29-6/4

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TPLentz
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RE: Blind Date 5/29-6/4

Postby TPLentz » Mon May 19, 2008 5:34 am

“Oh, all right!” I groaned.  “Hang on, let me grab something  ...  Go ahead  ...  Okay, got it  ...  Yes, Pete, dear big brother of mine, I’ll call her right now  ...  NO! I’m not going to give you the details!  ...  Yes, I know you’re concerned.  I’m fine, really!  I’ve been fine!  ...  I know you do  ...  Say hello to Bonnie and the kids  ...  Yep.  Talk to you later.”

I love my brother, but dammit!  I wish he’d mind his own business.  I’d been in a slump for awhile; hadn’t dated in a couple of years, and Big Brother the Protector thought he’d help me out and set up a blind date for me.  I didn’t want to get set up like that; I mean, there are some things a man likes to do for himself.

Despite my promise, I was going to wait awhile before I called, but knowing Pete, he was sure to call again and ask me if I did call, and I didn’t particularly want to admit that I was mad that he did this or that I was too nervous to go through with it.  The woman picked up on the tenth ring.  (Damn!)

There was something indefinably odd about her, and not just the high-pitch, whiny voice; like a cartoon voice.  It sounded like she was standing back from her phone, like she was using one of those old-fashioned candlestick models.  Even her vocabulary was strange... like “Where for art shall I find you?” and “Ooo, my hero!” (Who talks like that nowadays?)

Well, the appointed date arrived, and yes, Pete did call back... about 10 minutes after I spoke to Olive.  (Who names their daughters that anymore?)  Okay, I was nervous about this... there, I admitted it.  I bought some new khaki pants and a green polo shirt, polished my shoes, and even abandoned my usual Old Spice for the occasion.  (The Calvin Kline “Euphoria” stuff was okay; didn’t smell too sissy-like.)  I hadn’t really needed a full-blown haircut yet, but what the hell... what’s another fifteen bucks to make a good first impression.

It was my sweaty palms that finally got me to stop walking around and park my carcass at a table in front of the Popeye’s Fried Chicken counter.  Just as I was wiping the beads of perspiration off my brow and hands, I heard that peculiar voice from the phone a couple days before:

“Oh Popeye’s!  My hero!”

.....

The paramedics had packed up their equipment by the time the last of the rubberneckers went back to whatever they had been doing.  I had refused transport to the hospital after my fainting spell... it was no big deal, really.  It must happen all the time that a man gets set up on a blind date with a woman named Olive who has huge feet, short black hair pulled back into a short ponytail, and wears clothes that even grandmothers don’t wear anymore.


acre1964
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Re: Blind Date 5/29-6/4

Postby acre1964 » Mon Jun 02, 2008 12:45 am

You've been going through a dry spell in the dating department, so you've been set up on a blind date. You're asked to meet this stranger at the food court in your local mall. When the date arrives you're shocked to find out that it's a famous fictional character. Describe the scene (who's the mystery date, how did you react and what happened the rest of the date).
Let me see how well I can do fiction.( note i never write fiction)
Well the last six months i have been haveing a bit of bad luck in the dating department and my sister said let me set you up with this wonderful woman.
She said it will be a blind date and in a public place so you both can walk away with out any commitment.
my sister said this woman is a real beautiful woman and you will love the way she looks.
I said yes but I told my sister if she is lying to me I will hit her with hot wheel tracks like when we were kids.
She laughed at me saying she is a real wonderful woman and you like the way she looks.
Hey sister I still feel your up to something and I might have to go buy some hot wheel tracks to hit you on the back of your legs to keep you from picking on me any more.
She had this Grin on he face and I just wanted to say no way but the datting secne of mine has kinda been dry and who knows i might actually have some fun.
My sister called me and said meet this woman at the center point mall at 2 pm at the food court. My sister said she will hold a sign saying hi Shawn.
I said okay and fell for it hook line and sinker.
I drive to the mall and go to the food court and there she is. the real wonder woman with her golden laso rope and i said hi.
Wonder woman pulled out her rope and said do you like being tied up honny. I said no and keep that rope away from me. i tell the truth with out having to be tied up.
then she said do you want to go for a plae ride in my plane. I said no way and i dont like to fly in planes either.
She laughed at me and said most men would die for a chance to date me. I said sorry I am not that shallow yoo may be really pretty but that get you know where in my book.
then I ran away for that food court to toys r us to get the hot wheel tracks to beat back of my sister legs.
well what do you think ?
My best attempt at fiction.
by Shawn Acre
6-02-08

NickLinsky
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RE: Blind Date 5/29-6/4

Postby NickLinsky » Fri Jun 06, 2008 12:49 pm

Her

“You’re her,” I said. I couldn’t remember her name, that singer on television—she did the Super Bowl Half Time Show, she was always on talk shows and on the internet.

“Hi, are you Jake?” she asked me.

“Uh, yeah, I’m Jake. How did you know?”

“I was supposed to meet you here, remember?”

“You’re Alice?” Now I remembered the singer’s name. “Alice Heldegarten? You’re Alice?”

“Quiet,” she said, looking around, but no one else seemed to have recognized her.

“Right. Sorry,” I said, not quite sure what to do.

“When we spoke on the phone, well, I didn’t realize who you were.”

“That’s why they call it a blind date, Jake,” she said, leading me by the hand, out of the street.

“I mean where are your, I don’t know, your people, your body guards.”

“I don’t need body guards, Jake, no one recognized me because they aren’t expecting to see me. Now where’s this coffee shop?”

We walked down the block, she on my arm as if we were a couple, me in something of a daze.

“Alice, do you mind if I call you Alice?”

“We already spoke on the phone for an hour, Jake. Please just relax.”

“Sorry I just…I just didn’t think…”

“Jake,” she said once we were sitting at a table, waiting for our drinks. “Take one of these,” and she offered me a shiny pill, I mean shiny, silver-colored.

“But, I don’t have my drink.”

“You chew it, you don’t need a drink.”

The pill was rubbery, like gum, and tasted like vinegar at first, then sweet vinegar, then like candy. In the minute it took for the drinks to get there, everything was cool. “Alice, you’re prettier without makeup,” I said, as if she was an old friend, as if she was regular. “I wish there was a juke box in here,” I said, “I kind of want to dance.”

“Me, too, Jake,” she said, so I took her hand and led her outside and hummed in her ear while we slow danced to the song in my head.

Trissa
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Re: Blind Date 5/29-6/4

Postby Trissa » Wed Dec 29, 2010 5:08 pm

Being the youngest of four girls in a Catholic family is both a blessing and a curse. A blessing as I can sit back and watch my married older sisters complain about their screaming kids and how the laundry seems to grow day-to-day. A curse because I get to babysit those screaming kids and "could you please throw that load of wash in? I'll pay you extra." And, of course, I complied. Thirty and single. The only place to go from there is the convent or....

"Really, Beth, would I steer you wrong?" My sister Miriam had invited me to dinner. I should have known something was up when I saw her set the table in her dining room.

"You're putting out the good china, Mimi. And where are the kids? It's pretty quiet."

"Mom stopped by earlier and took them home for awhile."

"Okay. So why are there four places set? You, Jerry, me..."

"Just a friend. An acquaintance of Jer's from work."

Miriam's husband, Jerry, worked at Outdoor Wonderworld. He was Mr. Camping King of the Knights of Columbus. "His friend manages the firearms department."

I sighed heavily. "This is a set-up! Thanks a lot."

"Not really my idea. You know mom is getting worried. She wants to see you settled with kids and the whole white picket fence routine."

"Yeah, I see how well it works for you."

"Trust me. You'll love this guy."

One hour later I'm sitting at Miriam's table. She's passing the mashed potatoes to Jerry at the head of the table. He passes me the string bean casserole. And I passed a platter to Jerry's buddy, Mr. Fudd.

"Why thank you vewy, vewy much. I just wuv wabbit. He-he-he-he."

"Did you know Elmer shot this rabbit himself?" Jerry nodded in his friend's direction.

Elmer blushed. "He was wiley; that wascally wabbit. I'd been twacking him for years. But I'm vewy puh-sistant."

Miriam smiled encouragement my way. "Elmer told me he might have a duck next week."

"Yes," Elmer said "There's this daffy character that has been getting under my skin for a long time."

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Re: Blind Date 5/29-6/4

Postby pls » Tue Jun 16, 2015 11:52 am

This topic seems to have turned into a smutty spam magnet, so I'm locking it.
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