Hi eveyone

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cmb2
 

Hi eveyone

Postby cmb2 » Thu Feb 16, 2006 7:02 am


cmb2
 

Hi eveyone

Postby cmb2 » Thu Feb 16, 2006 7:02 am

Hi,
From the beautiful small town Of Sedona, Az I'm currantly working on my memoir so I can introduce myself as new writer by sharing my story with my poetry scatered throughout my memoir and I'd love to share what i have so far to see what others writers think, I'd apperciate the advice and help.


Memoir
I'm begining a journey that involves looking deeply at myself through friendship, love and eventually finding faith in myself again.

Footsteps
Treading along shores sands, squishing
between my toes, the air smelling of salted
waters, tasting the breeze within my teeth
upon my tongue. Blue white ripples dance
a top the surface sparkling meeting with the
tide stretching, reaching to touch never-ending
pebbles, glimmering. As soft wet drops tingle and
tickle along my skin sun kissed, clearing
away the darkness, the sadness. clinging to
oceans view longing to plunge beneath the
depths of palest blue, carried away on the
wings of gosmer and dew delving in my memories
old and new.

I think this story has always been in the back of my mind which until recently were only thoughts, ideas and memories, that slipped in and out of my mind on a daily basis. I've learned many things through all my many relationships , friendships and even my misteps to become the person I 'am today, which lingered as I grew. I've also learned that you sometimes have to look within yourself to find the answers to lifes many questions.

My name is Cecilia Marie Burns, I was born October 29th, 1978 in Indianapolis, In to my parents Marie Cecilia Smith and Robert Gordon Thompson who were happy and in love for a time.
In my many observations I've looked at the world through in artists eyes. everywhere I look I see poetry or a story weather it's within nature or everyday objects, I see the art.

As I've grown I've watched the human race struggling to make a connection and find their own way in the world. Even if it means changing for someone else, why? All of us it seems are tring to leave something of import behind by using science, history, faith and of course art. Stay true to your ideals fight for them don't let someone choose for you. All of us have are own unique ideals and theories that should be shared in some way. Yet it seems something holds us back we hide in our thoughts in our minds to afraid to reach out and help one another.

Unheard
Peace descends like an arrow taunt aganist
it's bow. Whispers wapishly asail the ears
teasing. Willows whistle and shake canopied
by sheltered eaves liftted by a hand fatigued,
out-stretched with need, touching another
who has grieved giving strength and speed
to another in need becoming mother, lover,friend,
daughter,father and brother.

People watch the news on a daily basis seldom hearing a story about an ordinary person doing something extraordinary. When I turn on the news I see hurt ,pain and death. Yet I know we are all fighting over simple questions that go unanswered. Reaching out to friends, neighbors, famlies or even a stranger in need who may just need a good listener or some compassion.
All of us always wonder what we can do or how to fix things. Wouldn't it be great if we could take baby steps? By holding a strangers hand, calling a missed family member, or even a long remembered friend? Within our hands we hold the key, we've been given life and in return we have also born life. At least tha's a start.

Silence
Quietness surrounds my soul as I breath
deeply the crisp, cool air. My childrens
breath comforts me settling. I revel
in the solitude, quieting my harried mind.
Tasteing the beauty of the early day, meditating
on it's newness letting my thoughts wonder
scatter. My soul sings listening to the rythmn
of the outsides beat, binding me feeling it's
release. a fresh morning, a rested night. Exhaustion
and anxiety melting away with the light refreshed
kissed by the warmth, quiet.

jmar2
Major General
 
Posts: 3626
Joined: Sat Oct 08, 2005 2:22 pm
Location: Marco Island, Florida

RE: Hi eveyone

Postby jmar2 » Sat Feb 18, 2006 8:18 am

Hello Ceclia and welcome to our little parlor. You'll find all type here, poets both prose and lyric. Short story writers, novelists, non-fiction writers and memoirists, (is there such a word?), all haunt our friendly room.

There are usually cookies and cocoa being served somewhere, or when the spirit moves someone, delicious cuisine from their homes - one can put on a lot of cyber weight here.

Join us down in Crtique section for peer review, and for fun, try some of the writing prompts.

Lookng at your efforts so far, the only thing I notice really jumping out at me is some cluttered phrasing. That typical pacing that makes perfect sense to you as the writer, but zips right past us, the reader.

EX: "Born in Indianapolis, In to my..." Took me three times to realize you weren't telling me you were born INTO your parents, but were "born in Indianapolis, Indiana, to my parents..."

Ahh, but those are wee things. So, Welcome and come on in.

John

Sheri
 

RE: Hi eveyone

Postby Sheri » Sun Feb 19, 2006 2:06 am

Hello and welcome!

I love this place and I'm sure you will grow to love it too. Everyone, from all differents walks and experience levels, is extemely kind and full of helpful advice. I've learned from personal experience that it's a good place to be if you need a good push (or gentle nudge) to get yourself back on the right track.

As for your writing... I do see a few things that could use some cleaning up. Mostly minor grammatical issues. No worries! We all do it. We aren't editors. "Most of us, anyway.

With that said, I do enjoy what you write. I can feel the depth and passion that lies behind your words.
That is a lovely thing!

As jmar said, you should try posting it on "Critique Central". You are likely to get a few more responses there, rather than here.

Glad to have you and good luck!

Sheri

Jumbie
 

RE: Hi eveyone

Postby Jumbie » Wed Feb 22, 2006 7:52 am

I'll just say welcome. We are glad to have you here. Post often.


cmb2
 

RE: Hi eveyone

Postby cmb2 » Fri Feb 24, 2006 4:03 am

Thank you so much everyone for the advice you've been giving and I'll try critique central I apperciated all the comments and I'm looking forward to being apart of the forum.


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