Dont say yes!
It takes almost thirty seconds for the realization to hit that Ive actually shouted those words out loud for everyone to hear, and suddenly all eyes are on me and Im paralyzed.
Then she turns, in white flowing dress (or do you call it a gown? either way, it is the most beautiful sight Ive ever seen,) as her brown, questioning eyes slam into my own. And suddenly, Im moving from my hiding place in the side wing of the church toward the alter.
What in the
Im sorry, Binx, I know this isnt right, I start and struggle to finish. Her eyes have always gotten to me.
You really shouldnt be here, someone, I dont know who (the priest?) says and I hear whispers and confused murmurs all around but I ignore them because all I can focus on is her. I also ignore the man shes about to marry, a man who is probably much more deserving of her love than I.
What are you doing, Pete? she asks me. I can see confused tears welling up in her eyes, and I start to shake. I knew I shouldnt have come here. I know I shouldnt do this to her. But I cant help it Ive had years of missed chances and if I miss this last one it will be too late for good.
Binx, we havent seen each other in years, and yet we run into each other in the middle of a crowded sidewalk in a city of hundreds of thousands of people three days ago. You cant tell me thats not fate, I begin. The groom makes a move toward me, but Bianca stops him.
I know the timing couldnt be worse, but this is the last chance I have to say this to you, so please just hear me out. Ive missed you, and Im not saying that just because I saw you again and it brought up old feelings. Ive known Ive missed you all along butI never thought Id have the chance to see you, hear your voice again. But I had that chance this week, and I watched you walk away from me and for a third time in my life I was losing you. I know that this is going to sound weak, but I couldnt stand to lose you again. I know, I know Ive screwed up so many times and Ive hurt you, but, Binx, I swear I know this time that this is right, this is real. I love you, Bianca, and I never want to be with anyone but you.
The tears are starting to fall now, and I can feel my heart shattering to pieces. I hated making her cry, but I did it so often over the years.
I know that you cant trust me, I know that Im going to have to bust my ass to make this work, but please. Dont say yes to him, not yet.
Her beautiful brown eyes began darting back and forth, up and down trying not to look at me or him. I could read it in her face that she had no idea what to think, what to do. But I also knew that I could see the memories playing in her head. Memories of me holding her tight late at night, stroking her silky brown hair. Memories of playfully wrestling in my bed early in the morning or late at night.
And memories of me telling her that I was talking to my ex-girlfriend again. Memories of me telling her I wasnt sure if my feelings for her were strong enough to last. Memories of me hurting her time and time again.
I swallow down the dry lump in my throat. Im sorry for ruining your day. But, I just had to tell you. I couldnt let you go again without telling you.
And without another word, I put my head down as I walk by the bride and grooms family and friends. Walking away from Bianca, Im hit with memories of her tearfully walking away from me after Id broken her heart. I would begin to walk in the other direction, and pause to turn my head to see that shes stopped walking to watch me go.
As I step outside the church doors and they begin to close, I peak back over my shoulder, just like before.
But this time, she isnt watching me go.