Rewriting Rudolph - 12/14

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sns3guppy
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RE: Rewriting Rudolph - 12/14

Postby sns3guppy » Tue Dec 28, 2010 9:28 pm

When writing fiction it can be whatever you want it to be.

It was actually "Dunder," not Donder.

http://www.snopes.com/holidays/christmas/donner.asp

Let's remember that none of the stories here were ever part of the original, either...that's the point of the writing exercise in which we have all engaged.

Rudolf never actually failed a urinalisis either, incidentally. Neither that, nor "Donner's" first name is particularly relevant, given that this is fiction.

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RE: Rewriting Rudolph - 12/14

Postby Cari » Wed Dec 29, 2010 5:28 am

“Ow. Ouch! You’re hurting me!” Prancer snorted.
Dasher twisted, jerking his head, trying to free his antlers from Prancer’s harness. “Sorry, I couldn’t see in this fog. Stop pulling!”
“Dasher, don’t dash when you can’t see! Go slow, buck!” Donner thundered from the back of the team.
Dasher felt the harness more twist tightly on his antlers as Prancer tugged. He jerked his head against the leather in alarm.
“That’s what happens when you have a big rack,” snickered Vixen.
Dasher yanked again, feeling his antler dig into Prancer’s side. Prancer squealed in pain.
“Quiet, quiet bucks. Be calm, my does. “ Dasher felt the firm hand of Wunorse Openslae as the old elf swung up on his neck. “Prancer, be still.” Old Wu pressed down on Dasher’s head and slipped the tangle away.
“You must take care in the fog, Dasher,” the elf slipped to the ground and drew Dasher into the lead harness.
“I can barely see you at my nose” Dasher trembled, striking his hoof in frustration. “How can we fly in this?” How can I lead the team? He thought, imagining the disaster of leading a loaded sleigh into a building, a mountain, or one of the strange metal towers that blinked near the towns. “We’ve never had such a dark Christmas. “ He strained forward trying to see the familiar path beyond the Santa’s workshop.
“Santa has a plan. It’s Christmas Eve. He’ll not fail us.” Old Wu smoothed the harness into place and patted Dasher’s back. “Stand quiet bucks. I’ll soon be back.” His steps faded into the darkness as he returned to the stable.
Dasher stared into the thick mist. “If we leap poorly, we could take the sleigh right through the top of the workshop.”
“Dasher, you cannot falter,” snorted Comet. “We must rise high and fast, in an arc that will lift the sleigh. You know it’s the only way to fly the weight of Christmas.”
“Bolt through the sky like lightning, I say,” Blitzen cracked. “Speed and power, that’s the ticket.”
Dasher shook his head. Bolt blindly into the void? The fog was impossibly dark. He felt Dancer shifting uneasily alongside. “Dancer, can you see?”
“Not a thing.” He sensed as much as saw her warm, wide eyes. “It will be like flying with our eyes closed, by touch and instinct.”
“Bucks, take a look,” Old Wu’s deep voice called from the stable.
There was a light, a bright, red light, striking through the thick dark. Old Wu came, leading the light until it streamed over them. Dasher peered past the light, hearing the clatter of reindeer hooves on the stone yard.
“Twinkle nose?!” Dasher blurted out the mocking name.
“Shhhh,” Dancer murmured by his ear. Then she called, “Rudolf is that you? What a clear bright light you bring!”
“Umm, thank you Dancer. I’m came because Santa said…”
Old Wu cut in, “Santa asked Rudolf to lead the sleigh tonight. Dasher?” He turned to the lead buck courteously.
“Well, yes, of course if that’s what Santa wants” Mortified, Dasher remembered shouldering small Rudolf aside in antler hockey. “I – I’ll just step aside. If you’ll release my reins…”
“Oh no, please don’t” Rudolf said. “I couldn’t possibly take your place, Dasher. I don’t have the power to lift the team and sleigh.”
Dasher blew out a deep huff of relief.
“But Rudolf, you’re just what we need” Comet exclaimed. “Your light is amazing.”
“Rudolf, you’ll go down in history for this,” Cupid teased.
Rudolf’s light grew even brighter. “It’s nothing, really,” he said.
“Don’t be modest, Rudolf. Santa was right, with your light we can fly.” Dasher spoke up as a team leader should. “Wu, can we add another harness, front and center? We’ll put Rudolf ahead of us all!”
“Just the thing” Old Wu replied. He pulled a harness from his shoulder and, in Rudolf’s bright red light, quickly hooked it between Dasher and Dancer. Rudolf timidly came forward and accepted the foremost bridle.
Dasher nudged Rudolf’s flank. “Hey Rudolf, tell you what,“ Dasher shouted, “You flash, we’ll dash!”
Rudolf turned and grinned, the light spilling back on the team. “You’ve got it!” he exclaimed.
Santa’s flicked the whip high above their heads. “Ho, ho, ho,” the familiar voice boomed. “Merry Christmas! Let’s dash away, dash away, dash away all!”
Dasher leapt forward, leading his team, dashing into the dark Christmas night -- with Rudolf lighting the way.

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Re: Rewriting Rudolph - 12/14

Postby Stasmi » Sat Jan 01, 2011 7:58 am

Vixen was happy when Rudolph was born, but admittedly for the wrong reason. The baby’s huge, shiny, red nose would take all attention off the adult reindeer’s cleft palate. His young calf memories were unpleasant and bitter, when he allowed himself to think about the cruelty of the other reindeer youngsters. Didn’t they know it wasn’t his fault? He would never have purposely wanted to make that wet, sucking noise when he laughed or frolicked. He certainly would never have chosen the nickname, “Vixen the Hare Lipped Reindeer” for himself. Sure, as he had gotten older and the other reindeer had outgrown their little “games,” the outward ribbing and viciousness had finally toned down, but the scars remained, roiling under the surface of his psyche.

He stood silently now, letting the other members of Santa’s team congratulate the new parents. There was an almost frat boy mood in the room as Dancer and Prancer chest-bumped each other. Blitzen didn’t hide the fact that he’d drunk a little too much alfalfa ale and was now staggering around the stable, a lopsided grin on his face. Dasher, always the shy one, stood just outside the doorway, happy to watch the festivities from a safe distance.

Donder and his girlfriend, Barb, had surprised everyone when they announced they were having a baby. Their relationship had never struck Vixen as being serious. They had met at a bar one night almost two years ago when he was at a herd leadership seminar and at first, everyone thought Barb would end up being yet another notch in his harness.

Santa had been supportive with the news, but had still taken Donder out for a night alone on the tundra to have a frank talk about responsibility. When they returned, Santa seemed satisfied his lead reindeer was happy and doing the right thing.

Donder and Barb had moved away from the stall where the baby Rudolph was resting. The crowd of reindeer was beginning to thin. Vixen waited until the last possible moment to offer his congratulations. Barb cooed her thanks with a maternal timbre that had not been in her voice before. Donder, the proud daddy, had his chest puffed out so far; Vixen thought it might split at its seams.

After their brief conversation, the stable cleared out completely. Vixen waited to make sure he was finally alone. His curiosity was immense and he knew he had to peek at the reindeer calf with the unique nose. He gently pushed open the door to Rudolph’s stall.

It took a moment for Vixen’s eyes to become accustomed to the darkness. When he could finally see, he peeked down into the corner where he could faintly see the silhouette of the baby. Two little eyes looked back at him, blinking with sleep. Vixen stared in wonder at the tiny, sweet baby who lay before him, so innocent and fragile.

That was when he saw it - Rudolph’s nose. It glowed and undulated with an unnatural light. The crimson orb slowly pulsed, never completely going out, never allowing total darkness to seep back into the safety of the birthing stall. Vixen tried to tear his eyes away, afraid that if he stared too long, he would find himself answering the demonic voice that was calling to him deep from within the heinous snout.

The shocked reindeer took a step back and mustered all of his strength to keep himself from screaming and then dashing from the stable. What monstrosity was this? What evil had been born onto the North Pole? What had Donder done? He couldn’t rip his eyes from Rudolph.

That was when he began to feel it, the quivering in his lip. Vixen’s cleft palate, always the source of his pain and suffering, was coming alive. Rudolph’s nose was calling to it, and the lip was answering. The big reindeer shook his head, trying to break the spell, but it wouldn’t be broken.

In an instant, Vixen understood everything. He had full clarity. His lip had always been the lock and Rudolph’s nose was the key to unlocking it. Unwittingly, he had waited a lifetime for this moment, the moment when he finally understood his mission, his purpose in life.

Vixen gently helped little Rudolph to his feet. Slowly they made their way out of the stall to the doorway of the stable. They stood together silently, looking across the snowy courtyard towards Santa’s workshop. The sound of elves singing while they worked wafted towards them. The two reindeer looked at each other and nodded. The nose and the lip told them what they already knew. That was where they would begin.

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Re: Rewriting Rudolph - 12/14

Postby Amanichai » Sat Jan 01, 2011 8:03 am

“I-I'm sorry. You asked if I'm OK?”

I turned over on my side. I tried to gather my thoughts but everything was still sort of scattered and fuzzy. There were hazy recollections of light, laughter and music, all of it spinning in a chaotic mixture.

“Well,” I finally said “I'm laying in, 'Lord knows where', in a clown suit, with a half-man standing over me. I'd say I've had better mornings”

I scanned around the dark area in search for some familiarity. It was an odd place. I was outside and inside at the same time. To my far left I could an see an opening, a rectangular doorway of bright light pouring into the darkness.

“Where am I?” I asked.

“Would you like the straightforward answer?”

“If you could spare it.”

“You're in the in-between.” He said as he smiled and lowered his bucket of water and placed his hands proudly on his hips, turning around in admiration of the large empty space as though he was seeing it for the first time himself.

“The in-between?” I repeated. I was confused and admittedly a bit frightened, though I tried not to show it to my vertically challenged host.

“Wh-Where the hell is that?”

“Oh, I'm sure you've heard of it,” the dwarf replied. “It is the place between life and death.”

I giggled.

“OK, so I'm dead. Right. Who put you up to this? Jeff?”

My best friend was the master at practical jokes. Here I am in a clown suit, in what appears to be a circus tent. Jeff had outdone himself. He would laugh about this for the rest of his life. Wow! This is what I get for getting wasted the night before my wedding. He even hired a dwarf. Nice touch.

“So, I'm dead and I'm wearing a clown suit? GOOD ONE!” I shouted. The words echoed in the eery emptiness. I knew Jeff and the rest of them were hiding somewhere.

“The clown suit is your interpretation of the in-between.” The dwarf said.

He was too calm. Creepy calm. I didn't want to carry out this game any longer. They had all gotten a laugh at my expense. The price I pay for drinking too much, too often.

“Alright guys don't forget I have a wedding, OK.” I said to the void. I looked at the dwarf who in turn was looking patiently at me. This was unbelievable.

“Look,” I said. “I'm not sure how much they paid you for all this,”

I paused and thought about the situation for a moment.

“YOU GUYS RENTED A FREAKING CIRCUS TENT? REALLY?”

I regained my thoughts and focused back on the dwarf.

“Perhaps they haven't told you, but I'm getting married today. And, this is really funny and all, but if I'm not on time for my wedding, my fiance is going to kill me.”

“Well, I doubt that.” The dwarf replied.

“Right, because I'm already dead. I went to my bachelor's party, got drunk and woke up dead.”

“You're leaving out a few details.”

“Oh really! Like what?”

“Like sneaking away to your car and deciding to drive to your fiance's house so that you could profess your love to her in a drunken stupor. Forgetting to turn your lights on as you barreled out of the parking lot. Not paying attention as you scrolled through your cell phone. Not looking up to realize that you had swerved into the opposite lane as an oncoming car filled with a wife and two children were coming up over an incline. Neither of you had enough time to react. All of you died. I am here to help you cross over to the other side.”

He pointed to the light-filled doorway.

“When you are ready.” He added.

As the dwarf spoke all of the previous days events came flooding back into focus. I had told Jeff I was going to the rest room but I never came back. I left out the back exit and went to my car and sat. I remembered fumbling for my keys. I was going to tell her how much I loved her, how much she meant to me, how she had made me into a changed man. I didn't mean for this to happen. My life was just beginning. I cant be dead.

Can I?

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RE: Rewriting Rudolph - 12/14

Postby mhess » Sat Jan 01, 2011 2:55 pm

“Well, hello Big Boy. I’ve been waiting here all afternoon. You sure know how to keep a girl on a string, don’t you?”

“Hi, Mrs. Robinson. I didn’t know you were here. Did I promise to play with you today?” Rudolph’s voice held a note of surprise.

“Oh, you silly boy.” Vixen tilted her head and gave him a coy look. “You can call me Vixen, you know.”

What am I doing with this idiot? Vixen couldn’t help but wonder. As she looked at him with his head cocked to one side and those big brown eyes she wanted to plant a hoof on that stupid red nose. She knew Dasher and Prancer had talked about breaking it but that would just make Santa angry. He could lay them off. What good would that do?

Vixen refocused. “I decided we ought to get to know each other better so I have been looking for you. But I’m not sure we’re talking about the same kind of playing, Rudolph.”

Vixen sashayed around Rudolph, exuding her most inviting doe perfume. Rudolph’s nose flickered.

“I’m not sure I can stay, Mrs Robin...I mean, Vixen. Santa told me to take a nap. Tomorrow night’s the big night you know.”

Rudolph did a little skip in anticipation and his nose glowed like an LED bulb. A red one, of course.

Vixen rubbed up against Rudolph. She pushed her nose into the warm fur behind his ear and nuzzled.

“You’re the most handsome reindeer around here you know.”

Rudolph’s nose was going on and off like a flashing police light, though the light bounced around slightly with his trembling.

“Thank you Vixen. I think you are really pretty, too.” Rudolph’s voice cracked.

He is such a ninny. Vixen thought in dismay. Clearly he did not know anything about how to treat an adult doe. He was the only one who would have any real fun tonight. That was obvious.

Vixen nuzzled Rudolph again, and then whispered in his ear.

“You know, sweetie, real men like to blow off some steam before the big game. You could call it part of their, umm,” Vixen looked for the right words, “their pre-game warm up.”

“Oh, you want to play a game.” Vixen heard a note of relief. Or was that disappointment?

“That sounds fun. What should we play? If we play hide and seek you’ll probably lose. I found a really good hiding place yesterday. Dancer never found me.”

It was all Vixen could do not to roll her eyes. Dancer had been on the team for years and she still couldn’t remember the route. Vixen wouldn’t trust Dancer to find the North Pole if she was ten feet away from it.

Vixen decided she needed to be more direct. This was her last chance for a fawn this year and she wanted one with a red nose. If she couldn’t be the queen at least she could be the Queen Mother. Her child would inherit the leadership and Santa could not take her for granted anymore. This time next year all the other reindeer would show her more respect.

“Rudolph, why don’t we go behind this tree over here?”

A majestic Norwegian fir towered nearby, its lower branches forming a cozy little hideaway. Vixen pushed a few branches out of the way.

“We can have some privacy in here.”

Rudolph looked at Vixen and then the hidden spot she indicated. He looked back at her again and she saw the light go on. His eyes twinkled even more than his nose. He scampered past her and turned around, practically drooling.

“Rudolph if you don’t turn off that nose of yours anyone who walks by will know we’re in here. Everyone knows what a red light in the window means.”

“Oh, sorry, Vixen. I’ll try to keep it off. It seems to glow more when I’m happy though.”

Teenage boys, Vixen thought to herself. They’re all alike. She let the tree branches drop and let out a little sigh. She might wish she had sunglasses with this one. She could just imagine the afterglow.

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RE: Rewriting Rudolph - 12/14

Postby DAB55 » Wed Jan 05, 2011 11:18 pm

“Well,” said Vixen, pausing for a moment as she applied sparkly red nail polish to a particularly tricky back hoof. “I’m afraid I haven’t seen Santa’s sleigh lights. We haven’t used them since last year.” She sprang to her feet with a neat twist and wriggled her short tail. “I’ll go and ask the others.” she suggested cheerfully and bounced off, leaving the elf that had come to ask her about the missing articles standing alone in the snow.
The elf turned to follow, then shook his head resignedly and went to help the other elves that were packing the sleigh.
Dasher, Dancer and Prancer were behind one of the toyshops, rehearsing their parts for a pantomime. Dancer was practicing pirouettes, and Prancer was trying graceful little leaps and watching his hoof prints in the snow. Dasher was admiring himself the mirror of a frozen puddle.
“No, we haven’t seen the lights” they chorused, “not since we used them last time.” “We did look,” said Dasher, “we looked in the stables and we looked in the sleigh shed.”
“Couldn’t see them anywhere,” added Prancer, slightly out of breath.
Vixen went in search of the latest arrivals to the Christmas rendezvous, Donner and Blitzen. She found the two reindeer asleep in a corner of the reindeer stable, exhausted after pulling a sleigh full of last minute orders from the toy factory in Europe. She nudged them awake.
“Have you got any lights for your sleigh?” she asked.
“No.” Donner replied, “ we haven’t used lights for months.”
“Haven’t needed them in daylight,” yawned Blitzen, rubbing sleep from his eyes.
“We can’t find ours.” Vixen said sadly, “the elves have been looking for days, and nobody has seen them. I thought you might have a set with you.”
“Sorry” said Donner, eyes closing,
“Sorry” said Blitzen
Vixen trudged off once more. There were only two more reindeer to ask and she was losing hope. She saw Comet and Cupid skating on the pond.
“We don’t have any lights for the sleigh.” she explained, “Santa can’t possibly go out without lights. You know how he drives, he’ll be bumping into chimneys and dropping off roofs. It’ll be a nightmare trying to get all the toys delivered. If he can’t see where he’s going I just don’t know what will happen.
Comet and Cupid thought for a few minutes,
”How about getting some elves to go along and hold flashlights?” Suggested Comet “Better than nothing,” added Cupid.
Vixen turned away, shoulders slumped.” We don’t have room for elves on the sleigh.”
“I just don’t know what to do.” she sighed. “I just don’t know.”
Vixen was so busy not knowing and not looking where she was going that she bumped into a warm body “Oops, sorry.” She looked up. “Oh, hello” Vixen racked her brains but couldn’t remember this reindeer’s name.
“What’s the matte?” enquired the reindeer. Vixen explained the problem.
“And Santa Clause will be so disappointed if he can’t deliver all the toys. He’s never failed once in all the years he’s been on Christmas duty.” she finished
“I wish I could help, I hate to think of all those children waking up and not having anything in their stockings.” “I’ll come and have another look with you,” offered the reindeer,
“Thanks, but I just can’t think where else to look.” Vixen trotted beside the bigger reindeer, still trying to imagine where the missing lights could be. When she looked up she couldn’t believe her eyes, there was a big bright red light right in front of them.
“Stop right there” she shouted. The reindeer stopped and looked at Vixen.
”What’s the matter? “ He puzzled
“ What’s that red light in front of you?” Vixen squeaked excitedly
“What light?”
“The light in front of you”
“That’s not a light, that’s only my nose. It’s quite a nuisance. The other reindeer won’t talk to me because I have this stupid red nose.”
“Oh yes.” Vixen was so excited she nearly fell over. “Come on, quickly, keep going.”
“Look. Look.” shouted she shouted when they arrived at the Christmas base, she whispered, “I’m sorry, I can’t remember your name.”
“Rudolph” replied the reindeer
“Come and see, I’ve found Rudolph and his nose is so bright, it’ll light the sleigh tonight”
You know the rest of the story.
They delivered all the toys for all the children just as they have done every year without fail.

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RE: Rewriting Rudolph - 12/14

Postby ebethfisher » Sat Jan 08, 2011 8:30 am

Nov 1, 2010
It’s not easy living with a name like “Prancer” especially when you’re overweight. I liken it to being a cantankerous old lady named “Joy.” It’s especially hard come November, when it’s time to win back my spot on Santa’s reindeer sleigh team. Every year, I indulge on beers and BBQ over the summer, then have to make up for it all fall. I feel like a contestant on “The Biggest Loser.” But I’m more determined than ever to make the team this year, particularly because there’s new competition in town. Some reindeer named Rudolph. I met him at sign-ups. What an odd-ball! I know I look out-of-place with my not-yet-so-svelte physique, but he is really a sight to see. Not only does he have an enormous nose, but it seems to glow like a stoplight or a Christmas bulb. I guess I should be sympathetic to the guy. I’m a misfit too compared to the jocks like Blitzen and Comet. But man-oh-man, this is weird. No way I’m losing my spot to a red-nosed reindeer!

Nov 27, 2010
Is it just me, or is it totally unfair for Santa to schedule his reindeer try-outs the week after Thanksgiving? How am I supposed to stay on my diet in the face of turkey with all the trimmings?

When I get to the course, I notice that Rudolph and his glowing nose are back. His nose glows so much that I can follow him clear around the miles-wide course despite the moderate fog that’s clouding up the place. A lot of the other guys are griping about the fog. They’re concerned Santa won’t be able to see well enough to appreciate their pointed hooves or smooth strides. Me, I’m happy about it. Maybe he’ll mistake my extra pounds for muscle mass.

Dec 1, 2010
Happy Holidays to me!! I made it on Santa’s sleigh team! Phew! Too bad for Skipper though. Looks like he was cut. Everybody else is back from last year but now there’s one new addition: that clown-nosed reindeer, Rudolph. I’m shocked. I’m sure Skipper is devastated. Don’t know how he’ll break it to his wife and kids. Sometimes I just don’t know what Santa is thinking.

Dec 24, 2010
4 pm
I can’t remember a Christmas Eve when the weather has been so bad. It’s so rainy and foggy I can hardly see my own hooves. Even Blitzen seems worried about how he’ll navigate tonight, and he’s usually cool as a cucumber. I heard Santa arguing with Mrs. Claus. She wants him to wait out the sleet and fog. But as it is we just about get our route done before dawn. Every minute we waste increases the risk we get discovered by an early-riser on Christmas morning. It’s now or never.

4:25 pm
We still haven’t left yet and we’re all antsy, including the elves. Ordinarily they’d be into the eggnog by now (which we all know happens the minute we take off with Santa, but which no one acknowledges outright). Yet we’re still on the ground, sleigh loaded, reigns secured but no Santa in sight. Suddenly the newby, Rudolph, breaks from his position in back. Where does he think he’s going?

4:45 pm
Lots of confusion up front. From my spot in the middle I can’t quite see what’s going on. After a few minutes and some irritated conversation between Santa and Blitzen, I see Blitzen angrily stalk beside me. I’m dumfounded when he goes all the way to the back, taking up the spot Rudolph once held. When I return my gaze to the front, I’m surprised to see a bright red light piercing through the fog like a laser pointer. It’s directed straight ahead and up, due south along our typical Christmas Eve route. Just as I turn to confer with Vixen, Santa interrupts over the bullhorn. “Reindeer team, due to the inclement weather, we’ve had to make a last-minute adjustment. Our newest recruit, Rudolph will lead the sleigh team tonight. Just follow his glowing red nose and you’ll be fine. So, let’s get going!”

You could have knocked me over with a feather. That crazy nose of Rudolph’s was going to get us out of this jam? Unbelievable. Gotta give it to the kid, I was happy for a solution. As I got in my take-off stance, I thought, “Guess that’s what you call the magic of Christmas.”

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Re: Rewriting Rudolph - 12/14

Postby magymouse » Tue Jan 18, 2011 3:40 pm

“Rudolph the Over-rated Reindeer” by Vixen

Disclaimer: I write about Rudolph, not to debase him, but to emphasize a flaw in the system.

If you’re like most people, you never quantified the hours and labor involved in Christmas Eve toy delivering or the weight involved in a list (not an iPad, folks,) but a heavy-weight “good/bad” list that chronicles the behavior of approximately 6,894,393,221 people worldwide. (UPS workers identify with this challenge.)

We have no union, no representation, just Santa. We work in all conditions, regardless of our health (well, don’t get me started.) With the aid of therapy, it’s more edifying to write about the dysfunctional idealizing of Rudolph.

I’d been a member of Santa’s team for six years when the Rudolph fanaticism began. Six years of experience may not seem long to you. That’s because on Christmas Eve, you’re nestled snug in your bed while visions of sugarplums dance in your head. But for a reindeer in the North Pole under Santa? Man, Christmas is The Lost Season (those of you in retail relate.)

We can’t afford to quit, but we each believe the stress will kill us before we get to retirement (age 35... and counting.)

I divert.

Now that Rudolph’s nose condition is outted, I can ask this. What’s all the fuss about? I mean, cool, he possesses an eco-friendly nose, but when it boils down, Rudolph’s shame-based, and that makes him prey. And while Santa makes him feel like he’s ALL THAT, the rest of us (that would be Dasher, Dancer, Prancer and moi: Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner and Blitzen,) drag our sorry butts home in the wee hours of Christmas day muttering:“I WILL NEVER, EVER, DO THIS AGAIN!”

However, like a bunch of a*sholes, we’re lulled into complacency during the “slow season,” until we find ourselves hauling toys again the following year, giving up all recreation (and for some spiritual outings) to haul toys to a bunch of kids who’ve (sorry to say) had the bar lowered considerably in order for them to make the “good” list. (I know, I know, nobody says this. It’s especially politically incorrect to utter these words in the North Pole, but I’m in therapy and speak without fear of consequence.)

Again, I divert.

After all the wrappings are undone, I simply ask that you keep the following address handy and write something significant about the rest of us reindeer and our seamless gift delivery:

Santa Claus
1 Reindeer Lane
North Pole
99705

Remember, we ALL work as a team up here in the N.P. It’s not just Rudolph and Santa.

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Re: Rewriting Rudolph - 12/14

Postby magymouse » Tue Jan 18, 2011 3:44 pm

“Rudolph the Over-rated Reindeer” by Vixen

Disclaimer: I write about Rudolph, not to debase him, but to emphasize a flaw in the system.

If you’re like most people, you've never quantified the hours and labor involved in Christmas Eve toy delivering or the weight involved in a list (not an iPad, folks,) but a heavy-weight “good/bad” list that chronicles the behavior of approximately 6,894,393,221 people worldwide. (UPS workers identify with this challenge.)

We have no union, no representation, just Santa. We work in all conditions, regardless of our health (well, don’t get me started.) With the aid of therapy, it’s more edifying to write about the dysfunctional idealizing of Rudolph.

I’d been a member of Santa’s team for six years when Rudolph was elected as Team Leader. Six years may not seem long to you. That’s because on Christmas Eve, you’re nestled snug in your bed while visions of sugarplums dance in your head. But for a reindeer in the North Pole under Santa? Man, Christmas is The Lost Season (those of you in retail relate.)

We can’t afford to quit, but we each believe the stress will kill us before we reach retirement (age 35... and counting.)

I divert.

Now that Rudolph’s nose condition is outted, I can ask this. What’s all the fuss about? I mean, cool, he possesses an eco-friendly nose, but when it boils down, Rudolph’s shame-based, and that makes him prey. And while Santa makes him feel like he’s ALL THAT, the rest of us (that would be Dasher, Dancer, Prancer and moi: Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner and Blitzen,) drag our sorry butts home in the wee hours of Christmas morning, muttering:“I WILL NEVER, EVER, DO THIS AGAIN!”

However, like a bunch of a*sholes, we’re lulled into complacency during the “slow season,” until we find ourselves in the same position the following year, giving up all recreation (and for some spiritual outings) to haul toys to a bunch of kids who’ve (sorry to say) had the bar lowered considerably in order for them to make the “good” list. (I know, I know, nobody says this. It’s especially politically incorrect to utter these words in the North Pole. (I’m in therapy and speak without fear of consequence.)

Again, I divert.

After all the wrappings are undone, I simply ask that you keep the following address handy and write something significant about the rest of us reindeer and our seamless gift delivery:

Santa Claus
1 Reindeer Lane
North Pole
99705

Remember, we ALL work as a team up here in the N.P. It’s not just Rudolph and Santa.

icy
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RE: Rewriting Rudolph - 12/14

Postby icy » Tue Feb 08, 2011 10:23 am

Rewriting Rudolph
Serena H.
Everyone knows the Rudolph’s story the way Santa tells it, but no one’s paid attention to our side. As far as they’re concerned, we’re just the mean jerks who decided not to like him because of his nose. But that’s not true.
It was all Mr. Claus. Rudolph was the youngest, and all of us really liked the kid when his parents brought him in, but Santa didn’t.
As soon as Rudolph joined the family, he wanted to change things. Santa was never much of a modernizer, but Rudolph wanted to help make things better. Santa wanted to keep things the way they were. I watched a conversation in the workshop between them once.
“Santa, I’ve been thinking…” The old man always dreaded the sound of that, even in Rudolph’s small, cheery voice.
“What is it, Rudolph?” He turned his stern face onto the dreamer, and the brightness of his nose went down two notches. The workshop really wasn’t for ones like him.
“Well, maybe instead of your old map that you have to use a flashlight for, we can use a GPS! It would be so much easier, especially since we wouldn’t have to hold it for you…”
“Ho ho ho!” It was Santa’s big belly laugh, but it wasn’t for the joy of Christmas. “A GPS, eh, boy? You ever wonder where they get those?”
“Well, no, sir.” I could see Rudolph always respected Santa Claus, even though there wasn’t much to respect.
“Well. We don’t have them at the North Pole!” He continued the rolling thunder, his fat belly shaking like a big bag of Jell-O.
“We…we could use the sleigh…” Rudolph was thinking fast. I knew he had a good idea, but I could see him giving up, all because of an oversized man in a red suit. Santa turned on him, and I knew the conversation was over.
“No, and that’s the end of it.”
Rudolph nodded solemnly, brushing past me with a sigh. I had nothing to say to him, but it turned out that would be his last big idea. Santa had enough, and the next morning he called everyone but Rudolph into his workshop.
“Alright everyone. I have an announcement to make, and I am talking about a particular one of you; Rudolph. He’s been stirring up trouble lately, and he needs a punishment.”
The air caught in my throat, along with several other gasps. We all knew Rudolph would never kick a wasp, but only I knew the real reason Santa wanted to punish Rudolph.
“For now on, you may not speak kindly to Rudolph, or allow him to play in any of your games. He’s committed a serious crime, and I am not permitted to share it with you now, but you must help me with this. Or…you will be fired.”
This drew a second chorus of gasps. Fired? Santa had to be kidding. For some of the reindeer, this had been a lifetime job.
“Go now.”
We were all walking back to our bunks, in silence and uncertainty, when we saw Ruldolph, in his separate part of the workshop, mixing clay with his hooves. Dancer strode up to him, and I almost couldn’t watch.
“So, Rudolph, what did you do?”
He looked up, not understanding.
“What do you mean?” His nose turned dull, and he watched the other reinder gather around. “I didn’t do anything.”
Then, to my surprise, Dancer kicked Ruldolph. He toppled to the floor, alarmed, clueless.
“You red-nosed fool!”
That started the name calling, and it didn’t stop. For the next few days, Rudolph was shunned completely. The only words he got were insults. After seeing how upset he was, I couldn’t take it anymore. I told Santa. Yes, I stormed into his workshop one day and told him. My place on the team was worthless.
“How could you hurt Rudolph, Santa?”
Santa looked up, and I found myself appalled that he hadn’t a clue what I was talking about.
“The one who’s been completely shunned for the last week?”
I was about to spout out more, but Santa nodded, and to my surprise, he started crying. Then it was over. He told us all the truth, and let Rudolph lead his sleigh. We were all angry with him for a while, but he was Santa after all. The strangest thing about it, though, was that Rudolph seems to have forgotten about it. Maybe one day he’ll know the truth.

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