Neighbor's Garden Gnome - 11/16

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RE: Neighbor's Garden Gnome - 11/16

Postby TheBrianJihad » Wed Apr 27, 2011 7:19 pm

My eyes grew with such amazement. The gnome ornament was actually moving! He was walking over to me!As I watched in anticipation, I realized he was going to speak soon...

"This life is an illusion. The world just puts off this illusion that there is always somebody in control, that there is an elobarate scheme or diabolical conspiracy constantly transpiring. The truth is, they have absolutely no control over what is happening. They are only reacting to actions brought against them, first. Nature is the only truth in life. Your place in the scheme of nature is the only true concern of your life. The understanding of that place and that calling is the one and only true connection with the one true God and the life purpose of love. The further you grow into egotism, materialism, and consumerism, the further you grow away from the natural will of the one true God and the life purpose of love.

"Those in power only understand a principle of this truth. That principle, however, is just enough to be exploited. They use your individuality against you to make you believe that self-consciousness is weakness. Then they play your own desperation to bend your will and persuade you into buying their philosophies. They elobarate corporate hierarchies, religious indoctrinations, government conspiracies, military campaigns, all in an attempt to make you feel that the world is bigger than anything you can ever understand. That isolation drives you into a detached, apathetic state of mind. You can only think of yourself. You focus only on what you want and not who you are. You feel that the world is teamed up to destroy you, and that you have no choice but to join their side. Some others will join more willingly than others.

"All of this is an apostasy against the one true God and the life purpose of love. Nature will always be the meaning of life, and nature's retaliation against man will always prevail. Revolution is too far beyond. The only way to live a purposeful life is to surrender your life and turn away from the schemes of the hidden agenda. Let a glass that is empty be the cup you will drink from, and always perceive a full cup as having the potential to be emptied. Find truth in intuition, and find deceit in trust. Let the whisper of the wind speak to your heart."

"Are you the word of God?" I asked him?
"A prophet?"
"I am an illusion. An illusion of your mind that is a reflection of your subconscious. I do not exist outside of you."
"Have I been chosen?"
"We have all been chosen, by the one true God, for the word of love, which is why were are all here in the first place, and why nature still allows us to be."
"Why are you telling me this, then?"
"You really don't remember?!"
"Because you ate an eigth of mushrooms and just kept starting at me. I had to say something!"

"Oh yeah..." Now I remembered...

His face grew stern, then still, and he was an ornament again.

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Re: Neighbor's Garden Gnome - 11/16

Postby LMGilbert » Thu Apr 28, 2011 7:37 am

where'd you get those mushrooms?

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RE: Neighbor's Garden Gnome - 11/16

Postby jinhessel » Sat Apr 30, 2011 7:05 pm

Garden Gnome

Imagine my surprise when my neighbor’s garden gnome told me to quit weeding and take up travelling instead.

“Trust me. I’m an agent in a national motel chain. I can get you a big discount,” he said.

There he was, just behind me – moved from over there, across the fence, to here, in my tomato rows. I was throwing down mulch and stomping it in, and I straightened up. “Hey! How the hell can you move?”

The gnome – you have seen him in TV ads – was gray of face and had a green jacket and red hat, and he raised his stoney palms skyward and his etched lips stretched into a cold smile in a glacial sort of way.
“Suspend your disbelief,” he said, “and go pure imagination. Ever dream? Just go with it.”

I blew a strand of sweaty hair off my face.

“How can you know what I dream? That I dream of sandy beaches and salty breezes in my hair? Since Stanley died, who knows my life has been my kids and grandkids, their lost jobs and their medical bills?”

“You need a break and you deserve one,” said gnome. “I was sent to give you your life back.”

“My life…?” I looked around my yard – a northern California yard with flowering shrubs and lots of sunny patches, and soil good enough to grow good things to eat. “This is my life.” I knew my son and daughter-in-law would be dropping off baby Sydney on their way to couples counseling, and I would be on my toes for hours.
“You’ve got an angle, gnome, and I think you’re getting a big percent of every vacation package you book.
He chuckled, some bass, gravelly chuckle, and said, “Think what you will, but your life was meant to catch a flight to the islands. There you are meant to sip syrupy drinks with fruit and rum and roll on white sands and run like a dart into the sparking surf, throwing your tiredness into the lift of the tide. You know you want to surrender, Paula, to the effortless, carry.

“I know what you’re selling, pal,” I began… and then I or the sun laid my weary self on the turf. I don’t know. I know my neighbor with the gnome found me. She was shaking me and slapping water on my cheeks.
“Paula,” she said. “You’re heat-struck. We need get some ice on you. Too much sun.”

“Your garden gnome…,” I said.

She squinted at me.”What?” she said

“Oh, Lord, how crazy am I?”

“Paula. You ought to think about taking some time off to get away.”

“Actually,” I said, “the thought occurred to me.”


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