Neighbor's Garden Gnome - 11/16

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Brian
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Neighbor's Garden Gnome - 11/16

Postby Brian » Tue Nov 16, 2010 2:35 am


Brian
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Neighbor's Garden Gnome - 11/16

Postby Brian » Tue Nov 16, 2010 2:35 am

One day, you are out in your yard when the next-door neighbor’s garden gnome suddenly walks over and starts telling you about “what is really going on.” Write this scene.

You can post your response (750 words or fewer) here.

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Bradley St Paul
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RE: Neighbor's Garden Gnome - 11/16

Postby Bradley St Paul » Tue Nov 16, 2010 3:45 am

Sweat dripped down my sunburned cheeks one blistering afternoon. It had rained recently, so the mower was a bear to push through the thick, green grass as I edged closer to the privacy fence separating my lawn and my neighbor’s, so I stopped and cleaned the wet clumps of mulch from the blades. Seeing a large stick directly in my path, I picked it up, gave a quick look around, and tossed it over the fence, which seemed fair since the tree it came from was on his property.

“Watch it, ya meat head!” shouted a little voice with a heavy New Jersey accent.

I jumped to the privacy fence and looked over, seeing nobody that could have said anything. Convinced that the heat was getting to me, I headed to the house to get some water.

“Don’chu walk away from me. You want I should be so disrespected?” shouted the little voice again.

I spun on my heels, and there by the lawn mower stood a ceramic garden gnome, tapping the stick I’d thrown in the palm of his hand like a baseball bat. I rubbed my eyes and squinted, wondering If hallucinations were a sign of a sun stroke or not.

“You just gonna trow a stick ovah deh in my lawn like it’s some sorta dump, and not tink deh would be repercussions?” said the gnome.

Beside myself, I nervously asked the gnome where he came from.

“Joisey,” he said.

It wasn’t really the answer I was looking for. I repeated the word in a hushed question as I stared at him.

“Yeah, as in the Gawden State. Wheh else would a gawden gnome come from, genius. You gotta problem wit dat?” he said, pointing the stick at me.

I put up my hands and told him that it seems like he was quite a ways from home, then.

“Yeah,” he said, slinging the stick over his shoulder. “The family wants to, um, expand its bidness to a new market, if you know what I mean,” he said with a sarcastic chuckle.

I wiped the sweat off my face with my shirt and asked him what sort of business brought him to town.

The gnome started tapping the stick in the palm of his ceramic hand again and said, “Don’chu worry about dat. All yous gotta do is show a little respect, and stop trowing sticks into my lawn.”

He pointed the stick at me. “Or else suddenly you might find da gate was left open and ya pooch ran away. Or else you might find ya door bell ringing in the middle of da night. Or else ya might find dat it looks like a bunch of kids played stickball on da side of ya Buick some morning,” he said and swung the stick like a bat. “It’s unfortunate dat tings like dat happen sometimes,” he said with the same, sarcastic chuckle.

I wiped my face with my hands and shook my head, but then it occurred to me that I did have a flat tire within hours of my dog relieving itself in their lawn the week before. So I agreed and promised to respect the gnome’s property.

The gnome pointed the stick at me and said, “Yeah, but dat ain’t deh most important ting bout dis conversation.”

I asked the gnome what he meant by that, thinking of my dog’s safety.

“Deh most important ting,” he said, “Is dat dis heh conversation never happened.”

As it neared the hole in the fence that he apparently came from, he turned back and said, “So forget about it.”

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Re: Neighbor's Garden Gnome - 11/16

Postby Leond » Tue Nov 16, 2010 4:32 am

It all started on a fairly normal day. I was out in the garden trimming some of my flowers. As I was doing so, I heard a voice from behind me.
"Psst!" it said.
I knew that it was my neighbor. He often interrupted me when I was working in my room. I didn't really like talking to him. He was sort of awkward. Part of that was his personality. But a large part of it was his garden. It was horrible, the worst kept thing I had ever seen. I was somewhat surprised that anyone let it stand like that. And to make it worse, as if to hide the fact that it was so terrible, he had cluttered it with all kinds of stupid looking gnomes and statues.
"Psst!" the voice repeated. Reluctantly, I turned around. And there, to my shock, standing on the front of his lawn in place of my neighbor was one of his tacky lawn gnomes.
"Hide me," it said, seeming desperate. I could see that it was actually breathing, and that its lips were really moving with what it said.
"Hide me!" it repeated, urgently. "Before he notices I'm gone!"
"What are you?" I asked, stunned.
"Let me inside and I'll tell you," it replied, keeping a that same sense of urgency. I looked at it carefully for a minute then, acting somewhat out of instinct, motioned it to follow me into the house. He sat down in my kitchen, keeping a close view of the door.
"All right," it said. "I should be safe. At least for a while. I need to tell you what's really going on. And fast. I don't think I have long."
I repeated the question I had asked outside.
"I'm a lawn gnome."
"Well yes, I can see that, but-"
"But why am I moving? Yeah, I guess you haven't seen a lawn gnome move before."
"Of course I haven't! You're decorations."
"No. We're gnomes. People just put us in gardens because we don't usually like to move and we look good."
I thought of pointing out that actually gnomes don't look good, but it would have been rude, and besides, I didn't get the chance.
"Now listen carefully, because what I'm about to say is important, and I don't have much time to say it."
"Does my neighbor know about this?" I asked.
"Your neighbor is dead."
"Huh?" He had my attention.
"He was killed. By the sundial I believe. It's all part of a plan."
"A plan?"
"The gnome in the front part of the yard. Noah. He's gone mad. Something in the grass I think. And he's got all the other creatures in the yard to his side. He wants to take over the world. He's trying to summon together all other lawn creatures. I think he's making emissaries. And writing letters to factories. He keeps talking about peace and growth. But I know what it really is. I needed to tell a human. You can stop him!"
"How?"
Before he could answer, the window behind the gnome burst open, and lawn decorations burst through it. Before the gnome could say anything more, two pink flamingoes enveloped him in their necks and stopped him from speaking.
One of the other gnomes from my neighbor's lawn stepped up. "So, you know of our plans, do you? I suppose it had to happen sooner or later. So?"
"So what?"
"Do you join us? The revolution is not far from now."
"VIVA LA REVOLUCION!" the decorations cried.
"You could be instrumental in our plans. If you collected more forces for us, I would spare you. I might even give you power. Otherwise, you will be the first to die. Your choice."
Rather than responding, I ran. I ran harder than I ever had, just barely escaping a stone angel's grasp. But when I looked back, I saw I wasn't being chased. Instead, all of the lawn decorations had returned to their place on whatever lawn they had come from. I realized they didn't need to. Where could I go where there wouldn't be a lawn decoration? And can humanity survive?

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Re: Neighbor's Garden Gnome - 11/16

Postby AshleighElizabeth » Tue Nov 16, 2010 8:30 am

I stepped out into the fresh, crisp air one day. Everything felt so alive today already despite the early time. You think I'm joking about everything seeming alive? Wait till you here my story.

The neighboring house to mine is beautiful. I've never actually been inside it, but it's certanly wonderful on the outside. We've had several families move in, but they all have quickly moved out. I've just never known why.
Recently a new family just moved in. There's the wife, husband, a red-headed baby boy, and a beatufil blonde baby girl. The little boy is now 4 and the girl will soon be 6.
Tonight will be their first night staying in the house. I got a little excited and baked them a homemade apple pie, welcoming them into the neighbor hood. I never did this with any of the other residents, so I hoped they would stay longer than the rest did.
I walked up to their front porch on sunday afternoon, carrying the pie. When I got nearer to last step to their front door, I tripped. I looked around and saw nothing but a garden gnome resting on the step.
What did I trip on? I thought to myself. Probably just the step. No big deal.
I went home and made a second pie for them. It was a little later in the afternoon now. Say about 4:30ish. I walked extra carefully up the steps this time, but still tripped on the last one. I noticed the recent pie was gone now.
They probably just cleaned it up. I would hate making them clean up a second one on their first day in the house, i mentally said. I decided just to run home and grab a wash cloth and some water. I could have it cleaned up easily, I thought.
But when I got back over to their property, the pie was gone. Even the pie pans were sitting next to the trashcan. Why didn't they put them in the trashcan, though? Maybe one of the smaller kids couldn't reach it. I walked up to their front door, but this time decided to move the garden gnome. I set him on the bottom step and continued upward. I rang the door bell and the woman answered. I told her about the pies, but she said she had no idea, and both the kids were taking a nap, and her husband wouldn't be home for another hour. So, who cleaned up the pie mess? She didn't know. Maybe it was just one of those things....or not. When I turned to walk back home, the garden gnome was back on the upper step.
"How in the world?" I said to myself. To my surprise, i got an answer to my self-questionare.
"I walked, duh," said the little gnome. I had to be dreaming. "You didn't think I'd stay on that bottom step did ya? Oh, and thanks for the pie sweet cheeks," he added huridly. No way. There was just no way this was happening.
"Woah... I'm glad you liked it. You're what tripped me hu? Yeah, sounds cool. Well, uh, see ya...never!" I half-yelled while almost running away. The last rememberance I have of the gnome was him licking his fingers of the apple pie as I left.
In short words, I moved -- about 600 miles away from there. I haven't gone back, either. And I don't plan on it any time soon. I guess I could have took the gnome out to the farm and seen how well a gun worked on him, but I was just a little too freaked to think about that at the time. Hopefully someone else thought about it though. I miss my old home. It's been 43 years since I've even seen a garden gnome. That's what it's like living in the city. All the way from a small county in North Dakota to Washington. I still prefer the country life, but I'm good as long as there's no gnomes around...

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Re: Neighbor's Garden Gnome - 11/16

Postby LittleEden » Wed Nov 17, 2010 3:04 am

Before I begin my story there are a few facts you, the reader, should know about me. I am a woman of sensible ways; I even wear sensible shoes. I do enjoy the odd glass of Merlot. Odd glass, may strike you as an odd word, for a woman with a Texas drawl. I picked it up watching British comedies on PBS. It has absolutely nothing to do with my story unless you take in to consideration the nationality of the main character in my tale. Irish by heritage; made in China.

Now to that morning when it all began a little after sunrise, before Texas heated up and I retreated to the comfort of A/C. I finished watering the hanging baskets, and was about to turn my attention to the zinnias when I felt something tugging my pant leg. I looked down to see my neighbor's garden gnome looking up at me. "I've been in the sun too long; I'm seeing things." I said aloud. "No Lass, you aren't seeing things, it's me, Jelly Pie Roll O'Shea, at you service."

"What was that name again? I don't think I heard you right."

"Jelly Pie Roll O'Shea, at your service. At your service isn't part of my name; I was just being polite"

"You're a mess." I said, acknowledging he was covered head to toe, with a yucky whitish blackish substance.

"I know it's all over me, and you don't have to stare". I was sorry I had said anything because he looked as if he could cry. "Do garden gnomes cry?"

"What is that stuff?"

"It's black bird droppings. A whole flock threw over yesterday and each one took a shot at me. I think most of them hit their target."

"Why aren't you telling your mistress and not me? She's the one that bought you, and she should be the one to clean you up."

"She don't take care good care of me. Is that correct English? Does not matter she don't. She leaves me in the sun for days on end; it blisters my paint, and I am peeling something awful."

"Okay, I can't stand to hear anymore of your sob story. Hold still and I will wash you off." I poured what left in my watering can over him but it only made it worse. "Better stand under the water tap so I can give you a proper bath." He did as asked, and waddled over to the tap. He stood as still as he could, as the cool water washed away all the droppings.

"Sorry, I don't have anything to dry you off."

"That's okay. The sun will dry me in no time." Then he asked me the big question, "Can I come live under your rosemary bush. The sun can't crack me there and birds can't dirty me up."

No, that's out of the question. You live next door and that's where you should be off to now."

"You could just hide me and not tell anybody."

"No, I can't. I am a staunch conservative and we don't hold to garden gnome rustling. You will have to go back where you came from."

"It won't be rustling; it will be rescuing an endangered species."

"I doubt that very much. I'm seen your cousins all lined up at the Dollar Store."

Without another word but one last woeful look, he waddled off to his place on my neighbor's sidewalk. It was in the full sun and I did feel sorry for him but it was out of my hands.

Fast forward to the next Saturday and my neighbor's garage sale; I walked over to see what she had. There in a basket of odds and ends, was none other than the garden gnome. He was a little worse for wear; more peeling of his paint and a hunk out of his left foot. Something or someone must have knocked him over.

Before I could shut my mouth, I heard me say "How much for the garden gnome?"

"Twenty-five cents and it's yours."

"I'll take him." I gave her a quarter and gently picked him up.

"You could at least offer to buy me for seventy-five cents. It's disgraceful to go for so little."

"Shut up and just be happy I found you before the trash men found you on top of the heap."

That's how Jelly Pie Roll O'Shea "at your service" came to live under my rosemary bush.

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RE: Neighbor's Garden Gnome - 11/16

Postby Neets » Wed Nov 17, 2010 5:28 am

"Pssst, hey buddy!"

Say what? At that moment I'm bent over picking up Princess' droppings off my neighbors'
lawn. Damn, I'm going to straighten up and some guy is going to have a gun on me, and he
won't believe that I don't have a wallet on me, or will just shoot me for giggles. My heart
is going to burst, because it doesn't care for being lodged in my throat when being
threatened.


I begin to fall forward, right into the bag of the royal morning production of my wife's
litter yapper Princess, who seems unconcerned about the stranger apparently hidden behind
me, itching to shoot me no doubt.


In order to stop my fall, my hand shot down into the grass, and I attempted to look from that
odd position to find my attacker behind me.


No one was there. I pushed up with my hand to straighten myself to standing.

"Okay, fun's over, cardiac arrest, well done. You can come out now!" I called in a cheery voice to whomever
must have run back around the corner of the houses to hide. Probably that Billy kid. A real
jokester he is.

"Pssst! No! Down here!" The garden gnome my neighbor keeps near her birdbath rolled his eyes
and smiled wider.

If you remember the cemetery stone angel brought to life in the movie "Interview with a
Vampire" and how creepy that was, that's how creeped out I felt, perhaps more so I think, I
don't remember my bladder trying to let loose nor the issue of an involuntary girly yelp
complete with hair standing up at the back of my neck when I saw that movie. Yep, definitely
more so on the creep-o-meter.

Okay, I'm tripping. No more sleeping pills. Ever. Freakin nuts.

Princess is ready to explore new vistas to sully, she is tugging on her leash as I look back
at the subject of my day trip.

"Hey, don't go! Please! It's about your wife!"

Bladder, yelp and standing hair again. It's for real.

The friendly gnome wants to steal my very soul. I know it. It's the end of the world and all
that weird twisted stuff you see in the movies is really happening, and now this demon wants
my wife's soul as well. I scan the sky for airborne demons.

"Your wife! She's two timing you buddy, and you're stuck here walking the little dust mop
with legs! I'm just a guy who hates seeing a poor sap like you being taken advantage of! If
you come back tonight, you can see for yourself!"

"I have to work tonight!" I'm talking to a cement gnome - no, I've lost it - prophesy or no
prophesy, no word was sent forth through the ages regarding garden gnomes and end times.

"Just trying to help a fella out buddy, take it for what you will!"

Princess is in a huff, and I obey her desire to move on. Okay, this calls for a nap, and
therapy. I'm going home.

Jeanie and I have a good thing. Always have. Since I took the night job to make ends meet we
haven't seen much of each other, except on the weekends but I never knew my subconscious
harbored such fears regarding our relationship.

But there I was - sane or insane, it didn't matter at that moment when I saw my Jeanie make her way over to Don and Brenda's from my vantage point across the street. Brenda had left only minutes before.

I went back to our house and brought my gun over to Don and Brenda's.

I took care of Jeanie's monogamy problem. Don's too.

"Hey buddy," Mr. Gnome offered, "I know that was hard for you, now, if you could just do
something for me, I can make sure you'll never have to do time for this, you shouldn't have
to do time for something like this, she's the one who needed to pay."

And that whole business about soul stealing? I was right about that. The damn gnome is actually my master nowadays. No demons in the sky, no siree, why, we're just right next door.

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RE: Neighbor's Garden Gnome - 11/16

Postby sherrians » Wed Nov 17, 2010 8:45 am

It was one of those days when you just had to be outside. It didn’t matter what you did, you just had to be there. The weather was perfect, not too hot, not too cold. It was just one of those perfect spring days. I was assessing the situation trying to decide which “outdoor” chore to tackle first. Should it be weeding the vegetable garden, mowing the lawn, planting wild flowers? Or should I try to do it all?

I decided for the latter and was in the process of getting my garden tools out of my garden shed which sat rather awkwardly on the border of my yard and my neighbors. The inside of the shed was not quite as light as the outside, but I could see well enough to find what I was looking for, when suddenly, I heard a voice, which made me jump and almost fall out the door. I knew no one else was at my house and I had seen my neighbor leave a few minutes previously.

“Pst, over here”. Looking around to see where the voice was coming from, it said again, “over here, in the corner:” Looking at each corner of the building I finally spotted a garden gnome that was usually sitting precariously among my neighbors ferns. Looking out of place inside my shed, I wondered how it had gotten there, never mind that it was actually talking.

“How did you get in here?” I asked.

“How do you think?” he responded.

“Well, I have no idea, that is why I am asking you, I retorted.

“Well, I’m not going to tell you unless you promise to hide me.”

“Hide you from what?”

“From your neighbor, of course.”

“Why?” I asked still completely perplexed.

“Because, he is going to sell me, I heard him tell the dog, that he was sick of seeing me there and all I did was take up too much space, he’s going to have a garage sale, and sell me. Please don’t let him do that. This is my home, and I don’t want to leave.”

“Ok, I will hide you, if you tell me how you got in here.”

“You have to promise, raise your right hand and promise, and cross your heart that you will hide me and not let him sell me, and then I will tell you.”

Doing as he asked, I quickly glanced around to make sure no one would see me. Holding my right hand up and with my left hand crossing my heart, I said to the little gnome, “I promise to hide you from my neighbor if you tell me how you got in here.”

“You have to say, cross my heart, hope to die, stick a needle in my eye.”

I was quite exasperated, by this time, but had gone too far to give up so, holding up my hand again, and crossing my heart, I said,” I promise to hide you from the neighbor cross my heart, hope to die, stick a needle in my eye.” “There are you satisfied now” I hissed at him.

“Ok, ok, don’t have a tizzy fit”, he said. “Well, the little neighbor girl, was looking for her cat and I simply asked her to bring me over here and hide me, so she did. You don’t lock the door to your shed so it seemed a perfect hiding place.”

That seemed simple enough, but I had to know more, “how do you talk?” I queried?

“I will tell you if you can find a way to keep me from being sold.”

Oh, no here we go again, I thought. “Ok, Ok”, I answered the exasperation showing in my voice. To expedite matters, I raised my hand, crossed my heart and said, “I promise to buy you from the neighbor and keep you here in my yard forever if you tell me how you can talk, cross my heart, hope to die, stick a needle in my eye.”

“I don’t really talk, he responded, you just hear my thoughts, that’s all, it just seems like I am talking.

“You mean like telepathy? “

“Yep.”

“Can other inanimate beings do this as well?’

“Sure, we all can.”

Then how come I haven’t heard any of them talk before?

“Well, you would if there life was in danger, like mine.”

With that, I picked him up and placed him carefully among my flowers, and walked next door to settle up with my neighbor.

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Re: Neighbor's Garden Gnome - 11/16

Postby Richard81086 » Wed Nov 17, 2010 4:04 pm

Late autumn in Wisconsin has to be one of the most depressingly, beautiful places to be. I say that because while the colors change, every leaf that falls is a harbinger for what tends to be an awful winter that stretches into the middle months of the next year. Not to mention that when all the leaves take their final bow from their respective boughs, then I am tasked with racking them up.
You see, I’m twenty-four and a product of a dead end town. I live with my parents since they love me and understand that until I find a suitable job, I can’t be forced out the door. I try to repay their generosity by doing simple tasks, which in this case means yard work. But on this particular day, I found myself engaged by a strange creature, the likes of which was previously obscure.
The curling bronze leafs were stuck under the fence between our yard and the neighbors. I was stretching to get as many as I could, while trying to avoid any extra work, when I was approached by their garden gnome, who was searching frantically through the pockets of his red overalls.
“Hey,” he said eyeing me as I stood there in shock. “Can I bum a smoke?”
“Ah,” was my initial reaction. I was dumbfounded, yet the gnome stood there with his tiny hand outstretched tapping his leg nervously on the ground.
“Come on, I know you smoke. Who do you think sees you when you come out here at night so your folks don’t catch you. Now come on, I’m a nervous wreck.”
“Here,” I said taking one out and handing it to him.
He pulled out a match from his back pocket and lit up. Taking a slow, deep drag he closed his eyes and exhaled. When he opened them, he smiled at me and extended his hand while saying, “My names Chester, nice to meet you Trent.”
“You know my name?”
“Course I do. Let me tell you what’s going on over there. The girl, you know the blonde daughter who’s a senior in high school; she can’t stop talking about you. Drives me nuts, always on the phone ‘OMG Trent’s so cute’ what the hell does that even mean?”
“It means oh my God,” I replied. I was flattered since I had noticed Danni looking at me from time to time, and as I’m a shy guy it was nice to know I wasn’t a total loser who still lived at home.
“Yea well whatever. It’s a mess over there, her old man is cheating on the mom, the mom’s a wino, and the daughter well she’s a cute one but not too bright. Always talking on the phone and using the same words all the time.”
“How do you know that?” I asked. From my vantage point across the yard, everything seemed to be alright. There weren’t any loud arguments that spilled out into the open for any of the neighbors to see, so I had assumed that there was nothing interesting going on.
“What do you mean how do I know, I’m a gnome, I listen and I see. Not everyone sees me and so I can observe everyone’s dirty little secrets.” He said flicking his ashes on his side of the fence.
“Really?”
“Yea, and well the dog told me what had been going on inside.”
“Okay, so why are you talking to me? Have you been watching me?”
He laughed, and I thought I could see him nod his head, but he answered, “No, I haven’t been watching you. I’ve got these poor saps to watch. I mean you’d be amazed at what you can tell if you just look closely enough. And to be honest, I wouldn’t be talking to you at all if I didn’t need a smoke. Thanks by the way, but I hate lights. Man up.”
“I thought gnomes smoked pipes,” I said. I heard a tap on the window from behind. It was dad and he was motioning for me to keep working so I could get it done before the grey clouds overhead started pouring rain down.
“We do, but I forgot it over at this pretty little fairy’s place. In fact, that’s where I’m going now. I was a bit nervous you see and needed one to help me relax.”
“Oh,” I said as he flicked the butt, and in the blink of an eye, was gone.

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Re: Neighbor's Garden Gnome - 11/16

Postby eternoxamante » Thu Nov 18, 2010 2:27 am

My wife was out at work, and my two daughters were at school, and I was sitting in the front yard on a lawn chair, going over the details of the case that I had in front of me. The next court date was set for tomorrow, and I had to study my ass off if I wanted to win it. I mean, I may have had a confession, but it wasn’t signed. It wasn’t within earshot of the judge and the jury. So if I couldn’t find the information that I needed, someone that I knew, beyond reasonable doubt, as a murderer would walk.

I rubbed my temples and I looked around. I was supposed to mow the grass. And trim the hedges. And take out the trash. But I also had to work out the little kinks in this case. I felt swamped and trapped. It was December, so it was extremely cold, but there was no snow, so I was supposed to do those chores before the snow did come in and dominate our small town. But I had this case. In my frustration, I picked up my law book and I chucked it clear across the way, knocking my neighbor’s lawn gnome over. For a moment, I was worried that it was broken, but I looked back down at my files and up at it about seven times before deciding that this case was, in fact, more important.

I got lost for a couple of minutes; time slipped right out of my fingers. What snapped me back into my thoughts, though, was something slamming into the side of my head. I shouted out in pain and then looked around for the object that had hit me, only to find my law book. I looked up, expecting to see my neighbor. But there was no one there. I looked around, and what I saw in front of me could have given me a heart attack.

The gnome.

“Hey, moron!” It sounded Canadian.

“I must be losing it.”

“You must be, throwing that at me like that!” He(? I wasn’t sure if it was actually a he, but it sure did sound like a he,) screeched at me. A gnome was screeching at me.

“No, I mean, you shouldn’t be talking.”

“Oh. That. Well, you kind of hit me in the damn head!”

“Sorry about that.” What else was I supposed to say?

“Well, since I’m here, you look like you’re having some troubles.”

“Yeah. But this is a law thing. I can’t tell you.”

“I’m a gnome. Who am I going to tell?” He had a point. “Tell me; I’m a gnome lawyer, you know.”

“This case is just crazy. This guy killed the victim without having any motive, but I think he did it to get caught. He didn’t rape her, he didn’t hesitate, he just. Stabbed her. More times than fourteen. And we can’t find anything connecting him. But the kicker is, he told me that he did it. But I can’t get him to sign a confession. He’s pretty sure he’ll get off scotch free.” The gnome was silent. I hoped he was contemplating.

“Find someone close to him. Don’t you know someone that’s close to him?”

“No.”

“Think harder. I’m pretty sure you do.” I tried to think.

The alarm went off.


“Honey,” My wife shook me vigorously. “Jason, I need you to get up. You have to meet with the Fredrick’s today before you go in for your trial.”

“Why do I need to talk to the Fredrick’s?” I sat up and groaned. “Gerald hasn’t called me for legal advice, has he? That boy’s done nothing illegal.”

“Actually, he claims that Elliot is best friends with the guy that you’re prosecuting.” She pulled her jacket over her shoulders and kissed the top of my head. And with that, she was gone.

On my way out that day, I looked over at the garden gnome in my neighbor’s yard and shivered. That thing was so ugly; I needed to tell Miss Jones to just get rid of it, already.

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