Who is Operating Your Brain? - 11/9

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loganatr
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RE: Who is Operating Your Brain? - 11/9

Postby loganatr » Wed Jan 26, 2011 9:31 am

I often have this fantasy-inspired vision of my body being controlled by an ethereal wizard of sorts, a wise puppet master alternately straining against the boundaries of the body; and holding forth as he controls things, beyond pleasure and pain, pushing my body beyond its mortal limits, straining, pushing forward, ever on and on and on. Since I work in a liquor store and still haven't gotten my degree, that's a bit of a fabrication, sure, but I love the imagery.
For a wizard, size means nothing, it's nothing, it's all bound up with our perceptions of time; and what does time matter, really, when you feel so close to the spirit realm you can almost taste it? Or, you know, partake of the spiritual without the intermediary sensory experienecs? I don't know where I was going with that.
At any rate, I sometimes have to wonder, what would my little man think of me, or my wizard, or whatever, as he saw me going about my daily life?
First, I think he'd be pretty happy with things. I read a lot, and I work out, and although I enjoy the occasional altered state or two, I think that this just gives me sounder feedback for what he purposes. Here's what I imagine the wizard doing on a daily basis.
The dragon charges in as the naked ninja writhes weirdly, weaving spells of destruction. Giant pairs of scissors straight out of Pink Floyd's “The Wall” are bearing down, and three lone gunmen with the power of music are all that stand between the forces of evil and their desire to pillage the world of Efficacy Generally. Sirens blare out as I wake up and the wizard gets quite a turn. He's become bipolar, the wizard has, dealing with these abrupt daily changes in reality. “Dammit,” he mutters, since that had been a good one.
For my part, I remind myself that this ISN'T going to become a habit, waking up by alarm, but you have to be sure when you need to be sure.
I have work in a couple hours, and I want to get some stuff done. I read, and the wizard hums quietly and happily, ravenous usually but contented for the minute. Then I work out and the wizard grows smaller, more focused, bouncing around like a little jumping bean inside my head, feeling free to feel free while I work out my stress and feelings and emotions.
After I eat, and shower, I go into work, while the wizard paces desperately inside my head for six hours, pushing me to find more stimulation, to do something, to break into the waste of mental space that six hours of stacking boxes among friendly, odious, transient alcoholics can bring. Work is brightly lit- they've recently remodeled- and cool and dry (my lips look like I've been in the desert after being in the coolers for six hours), and a nice Indian guy who smells vaguely nice runs the store, but that's about all I know of the place because I'm in a weird sort of trance when I go there. I mostly just keep the wizard calm There is a certain romance about working around alcohol that hasn't worn off yet, but I'm sure I'll get bored and start to fetishize that after a manner; but the little man knows this and is on my side; we work together for the most part, so I try to stay engaged in my task.
Then I come home, and read, and play video games (the little man approving of a moderate gamer lifestyle), and email friends that I've had to leave; or I hang out with friends and other people I know; and I write a little bit, or think about things or cross another couple items off my to-do list.
Then the little man reminds me about the dragons and I get into bed, not having let him out of the cage enough that day, a little bit unhappy, but he knows I do the best I can and we're at peace between each other, even though we sense the little bit of unease and I find my coma and he runs through the fields with demons and gods and numbers and colors and feelings and, you know, all that stuff.
But I'm off to work, to work, I have to go to work, and I can't sit around any more though I'd like to, I'm late already, to work, to work, to Almighty work!

athomemum
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RE: Who is Operating Your Brain? - 11/9

Postby athomemum » Wed Mar 16, 2011 2:08 am

5:00 am: “Waah, waah,” A thin wail issues from the blue portacrib inches away from Bella’s bed. You still have another few minutes, I assure her. Bella burrows deeper into her blankets, trying to catch the wispy end of her dream. “Waah, waah,WAAH!” The cries grow lustier, as a hungry Mo refuses to grant his mother’s fervent wish to stop crying and go back to sleep. Your bed is so warm and cosy, I whisper. You’ll get up in a minute. With the next fresh round of wails, I change face abruptly. What sort of mother are you, letting your baby go hungry? That does it. Sleepy fingers grope their way along the cord of the lamp, and in an instant the room is bathed in a cosy yellow glow. With one last sigh, she heaves herself out of bed.  Her eyes flit over to the snoring mass across the room, still deep in dream world. Now look at him, I nudge her. For a moment, Bella allows a tiny worm of jealousy to burrow into her heart. Then she does a reality check. But he’s out of bed by seven, so he needs his sleep. I bristle. Who does she think she is, overriding me? Bending down, she extricates the baby from between the tangled blankets. His damp hair is plastered to his forehead, and his jewel-like eyes seem to hold a reproachful gaze. She settles down to nurse him. She feels his small, warm body press against her. Gazing at him, her eyes turn wistful.  Hey, I protest feebly. I’m in charge here. Don’t go all sappy on me now. But my voice is ignored.

11:00 am: Bella is ensconced on the couch, lost in an enthralling novel. A package of biscuits crackles beside her, and she reaches for another one.  Mo lies on the play-mat nearby, equally enthralled by the colourful animals twirling overhead. The minutes tick by. I am enjoying myself, lounging on the other side.  Everyone is entitled to a break, aren’t they? Even without my help, Bella won’t budge until she’s turned that last page. Just to make sure, I issue periodic reminders. Just one more chapter, Bella. Just one more biscuit. She obeys, once, twice. By the third time, as I shift my position, she’s not there anymore. I haul myself up, only to find Bella in the laundry room, sorting her whites and blacks and coloureds with gusto. I am horrified. Perched on the hanging rack, I wave a disapproving finger. Bella, you shouldn’t work so hard. Relax a little. The day is still long. But suddenly, I find myself talking to the bare, whitewashed walls. I scoot along and find her in the kitchen, taking some chicken out of the freezer to defrost for dinner.  Before she can disappear without me again, I resume my rightful position.

4:00 pm: Finally, I score some victory. The sink is piled high with breakfast and lunch dishes, laundry is waiting to be folded, Mo is whimpering in his crib, and the chicken has not yet found its way to the oven. Where is Bella? Back on the couch, laptop balanced in her lap, browsing the web for nothing in particular. Stay there, I insist. Everything else can wait. Who knows? Maybe you’ll find some terrific bargain...or an interesting website...or something very very important that simply can’t wait. Besides, you deserve to relax, after such a hard day. I hold my breath. Will I succeed?  Will I regain control? It works... until 4:24 when Bella catches a glimpse of her Skagen watch. Suddenly, she becomes a flurry of motion. I can barely keep up with her as she shuts the computer, gets up from the couch, tends to the baby, throws the chicken in the oven, folds the laundry, and gets the dishes done. Bella, I pant. Relax...there’s still time...but despite myself, I feel a prick of admiration. I like to see a bit of backbone.

 


jagrova
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Re: Who is Operating Your Brain? - 11/9

Postby jagrova » Sat Mar 19, 2011 4:38 pm

Come on little one it's time to wake-up. It's time to get up. You need to take a shower and do everything else it takes to be pretty. Now we can do this the easy way or the hard way. It's your choice. The ard way it is. Pushing buttong that makes her jerk violently and suddenly wake-up. Mission accomplished.

That's right; it's time for you to take your meds. I'm registering medium pain readings coming from the jaw not bad after having surgery yesterday. There is some swelling so I'll drop a hint concerning grabbing a bag of petit frozen corn to put on the jaw but first we better take the antibiotic and one of the pain medications. Then we need to take a shower and let me check, yes today we will be washing the hair. Teeth need to be brushed except for the lower right but now we can place the mouthwash on. Wait, let's check the time because the mouthwash needs to be on an hour before we eat or drink anything. Ok, plenty of time before we meet the girls.

Oh, that mouthwash tastes the same as we remember, yuck. Ah, the phone is ringing. Wonder who could be calling. Possibly it's Airleen to confirm when they will be picking us up.

"Hello."

"Hey girl. Bad news, we have to call lunch off. I forgot Phyllis went to Jersey this week. Sorry."

"Oh, that's ok. Maybe we can do it another time. Bye."

"Bye."

Oh boy. We better dump some feel good hormones to keep little one's spirit up. She was looking forward to spending some time with the girls. It's amazing how much nerve it takes for her to agree to go out in public with people and it can just be crushing when things get canceled. Slowly we will get her back to when she was overflowing with confidence in herself.

Little one has plans for attending a hockey game on Sunday which will get her out of the house and interacting with a friend. Granted she won't be able to eat anything there but she can drink a Coke while enjoying the game. Saturday we need to take a trip to the post office and to get groceries. We also need to get the oil changed in the truck.

Ok little one lets sit down and chill out for a day waiting for the jaw to heal. It will get better as the week goes along. The last surgery it took just about a week for the swelling to completely go away and the doctor did warn us that this one would hurt more than the last one. We'll be ok. then we have one work day to get through before the weekend.

Wow, how much time has passed? Six hours. Those pain killers really knock us out and that is at half the prescribed strength. Looks like we are running a little low on fuel and it is almost time to take more antibiotics. We will need to eat something besides the yogurt we are taking along with the antibiotic. What if we make some sandwiches taking small bites that get well chewed on the left side? Yes, that will keep us functioning. A couple of hours we will have some ice cream to sooth the jaw. Then we will take some more pain medications and spend the afternoon staring at the TV.

Don't worry little one it's all worth what you are going through. Just be good to yourself and by this time next month all of the surgeries will be completed. Then you just have your regular check-ups ahead which will be a piece of cake compared to recovering from the surgeries. Plus, it appears we have an antibiotic we can tolerate which could come in handy in the future.

Oh here it comes, that slowing of everthing around us. See you in another six hours.

chrissbenn
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Re: Who is Operating Your Brain? - 11/9

Postby chrissbenn » Tue Mar 29, 2011 3:55 am

no one is operating our brain, in fact brain is operating us.. a human is consider is human just of his brain , what he/she thinks.. that why Brain is king Part of human,, like a processor is brain of computer, at the same hand brain is processor for human .

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