Blind Date 5/29-6/4

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RE: Blind Date 5/29-6/4

Postby SpiceyBrown » Sat Jun 02, 2007 6:47 am

So I may have been feeling just a little bit desperate. I hadn’t had a date, hell, I hadn’t had a phone call for a date in six months. Butwhen Shaquita called me about that blind date I should’ve said no. I should’ve known not to trust Shaquita since her taste in men ran to a minimum of ten gold teeth, jailhouse tatooes, and sentences starting and ending with a nod. When she called me that Friday though, asking me to go out with her cousin’s baby momma’s big brother I was desperate enough to say yes.

I hooked myself up too. I had just gotten hair extensions down my back. That white stripe in the front made a sista look just right. My nails were their customary three inches and Hen Lee had hooked them up. With my stilettos and jean jumper, I looked absolutely tasty. Then Shaquita calls me up and says I have to meet my date at the mall. What?! He can’t pick a sista up? He ain’t got a car?

No, Shaquita assures me. He’s got his own ride. So I go to the mall, prepared to meet this dreadlocked beauty that Shaquita’s been bragging about. He’s got a couple of gold teeth Shaquita tells me but he’s still good-looking. He looks kind of dangerous, she adds, knowing that I have a weakness for dangerous looking men.

So I’m sashaying through the food court when he is standing right there by Chik-fil-a. His back is to me but I know it’s him.
And I’m about to call Shaquita and give her a good cussing because he’s white. He’s dreadlocked, yeah, with this crazy outfit on but he’s . . . And then he turns around.

My eyes get all big because I know that face. Clearly he recognizes me cause he comes swaggering over just as cool as you please and sticks out that hand like he expects me to kiss it.

“Captain Jack Sparrow, at your service,” he says.

I turn around looking for cameras, looking for Ashton Kutcher. Then he gives me that wicked Jack Sparrow look and I find myself reassessing the situation.

“Me ship is near,” he says.

But I can’t answer cause I’m still in shock. He starts tugging me toward him, leading me out the mall.

“What the hell’s going on?” I finally say.

“I’m gonna let you on me Black Pearl,” he replies, his speech slurred like a drunk man.

I find it a little sexy though and I let him lead me astray, I mean, away. I also start thinking about the fact that Jack ain’t had a date either in a while. Maybe that’s why it’s no surprise what happened on the Black Pearl. I can’t tell ya though cause it’s none of ya damn business. Besides, a lady’s gotta have some mysteries and letting Jack explore mine means you can’t.

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RE: Blind Date 5/29-6/4

Postby Nocdar » Sat Jun 02, 2007 8:45 am

jchambers, that is sooo original. I laughed my kiester off.

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RE: Blind Date 5/29-6/4

Postby jchambers » Sat Jun 02, 2007 2:33 pm

Thank you, Donald. It was an off-moment or a series of them in rapid succession. Glad you liked it.

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RE: Blind Date 5/29-6/4

Postby shorty » Sat Jun 02, 2007 3:18 pm

Too funny!!!! Great response to the writing prompt! LOL

:) :)

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RE: Blind Date 5/29-6/4

Postby joedemiro2020 » Sat Jun 02, 2007 3:30 pm

NOTE: I dont do into non fiction but i thought id give it a shot what the here goes:
(this is a first for me in the fiction department but you got my cre@ive juices flowwwing and sparked a match in me)

I never did blind dates but its been 5 years now since my wife passed away and my kids have been urging

me to meet someone.

Yeah Dad...go out have some fun!
( I guess after 5 years of doing the dishes they wanted me to find someone to love me and do the dishes too)

So Im sitting at the Starbucks on 24th and Mission street blindly waiting for my date.

It was agreed that we’d meet in the very back of the coffee shop and to make sure that she

recognized me that I would be wearing my grateful dead thai dyed t tshirt.

Im waiting for any fictional character....I hadnt gotten laid in 5 years so any fictional character would do....

Wonder Woman...Supergirl...Batwoman...Minerva...anyone.

After like 30 minutes I hear a voice behind me say Hi There Handsome! Sorry Im Late.

I thought I was hearing voices because there was no one around me.

Theres no one else here in a grateful dead t shirt so it must be you.


Who said that?



I can hear you but I can't see you.

Of course you cant see me silly, Im the Invisible Man.


What are you doing here handsome?

I was expecting Wonder Woman or any other woman...and youre not just invisible, you’re a man!
Is there no Invisible Woman?

Well Im sorry to burst your bubble but there must be a mistake said the voice.
There is no invisible woman. There is me. Invisible Man.
And Im gay dearie if you havent noticed.
And Im not disappointed you are here. Whats your name?


Are you homophobic Jojo?

No Im not. Some of my best friends and family members are gay. I’m a big supporter of gay and lesbian rights but Im not gay sorry and I was expecting a woman date not a man date and an invisible one to boot! Well maybe its better you are invisible. I wouldn’t want to be seen on a date with a man!
I’ve been masturbating like crazy for the last 5 years since my darling Eva passed away and I was longing for some soft feminine flesh snuggle and cuddle up with tonight. Im really flattered you like me and all...I hope you understand.

Look says the Invisible Man...

Look Where? I cant see a thing...

Ok don’t look just listen...have you ever tried making love to a man? Or has a man ever made love to you?

Never! And I don’t intend to start now...Im 55 and hungry for a woman not a man.

Well hows about an invisible man?
Its never to late to try me you will like me.

Trust you? I don’t even know you and I cant even see you.
Besides, youre such a famous superhero you should have no problem finding any gay guy in the Castro. Why go on blind dates?

By this time the other customers at starbucks were looking at us...make that looking at me... having a menage a moi..
having a neoconversation with myself and slowly moving away from me.

Look I’ll tell you what...I have a lot of gay friends who would love to meet you...I can set you up in a flash...I can do that for you...but you wouldn’t happen to have Wonder Womans number would you?


How about L:)is Lane’s?

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RE: Blind Date 5/29-6/4

Postby Jillers » Sat Jun 02, 2007 5:57 pm

The moral of this blind date is "never trust yourfriends." They're with you through thick and thin, but they won't hesitate to put you through torture for their own amusement.
There, you know the moral, you can now just skip past this tale of woe.
But if you like reading about people being embarassed, then you should know why I went the route of the blind date: My friends made me do it. They thought itwould be nice if I had a boyfriend, and this one guy, they said, was perfect for me.
Well, who am I to say no to perfection? I'm not that pompous!
So, they set it up - I would meet him at Whitehall, coming from the 5 o'clock ferry.
They said he said he'd be waiting with a daisy, since they were my second favorite flower (and carrying around a sunflower wasn't the easiest thing todo).
I walked into the terminal, and looked for a daisy, and the man it was attached to.
His hair was incredibly defiant to gravity, which wouldn't have surprised me if I knew they set me up with Cloud Strife.
I walked up, and introduced myself, and he gave his cocky half-smile, and gave me the flower.
From this moment on, the date was a disaster. When I'm nervous I giggle - and what would make a person who giggles when they're nervous giggle more than walking hand in hand with the person who had been her standard of excellence - appearance wise?
It didn't help any more that I felt ugly and dull compared to him - a pretty face, yes, but still overweight, still not very pretty at all.
So, I tried to control my giggles. But my mind had gone blank - I either giggled inanely or said nothing because the things I was thinking of were personal and rude, and needed to be stifled.
I mean, you don't ask on a first date - a blind date "So... did you do the nasty with Tifa?" or "Aeris' death must have been hard for you, huh? Did you love her?" or "So, ARE you a clone?" or "Now, your hair, and your sword... is that really just compensation? I mean, it's cool if it is... it's not the size of the boat it's the motion of the ocean you know?" or "What about Sephiroth? Is that compensation?"
But I did, and to his credit he answered every question "No""..." "No!" "No!!!!" "Well, yeah, duh."

Of course, he never called me for a second date. Jerk.

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RE: Blind Date 5/29-6/4 ~ Stephanie Plum

Postby Nocdar » Sat Jun 02, 2007 6:23 pm

     When my neighbor, Janet, told me she had the perfect person for me to meet, my brain screamed NO WAY. Unfortunately, my head nodded yes and my mouth said, “Okay”.

     Brain overruled. So I get a meet time at the mall food court on Saturday around .

     “She told me to tell you that she’ll be wearing jeans and a red and white tee that says, I ‘heart’ Aruba

     “What’s she look like?”

     “Brown hair, shoulder length. And she’s short.”

     Janet’s hand hovered somewhere lower than both of us.

     “What does she do?”

     “Why do you want to know?”

     “Conversation starter.”

     “Start with, gee you look nice.”


     Saturday comes and I position myself in the mall food court so I can see the door. I don’t have to wait long. The food court has its own set of double doors leading to the parking lot and between them; I can see two of the most mismatched girls I have ever seen together. One is black. Words like; big, bright, and hooker, all come to mind.

     But if you looked the word petite up in the dictionary, a picture of the other one would be there. Miss Petite is wearing jeans and a red and white shirt that says something on the front that has to be, I ‘heart’ Aruba.

     The other one goes back out to the parking lot and Miss Petite enters the food court. She sees the baseball hat I’m wearing and comes right over. When she slides in across from me her cell phone rings. She smiles half heartedly and pulls it out of her pocketbook.

     She checks the screen, opens it and whispers, “Not yet”. I can hear the voice on the other end say something about someone being early. And that someone is coming in.

     “Oh God, oh God”, Miss Petite says. Her legs are running a marathon under the table and the whole table and chair unit we are sitting in is jiggling.

     “Is there something I can do?” I ask.

     A sharp, “No”, to me. Then into the phone, says, “What now?”

     I can’t hear what is said this time, but I get a gut feeling it has to do with the guy walking into the food court.

     Miss Petite says into the phone, “Get Ranger down here, now. We have one shot at this.”

     She closes the phone and smiles nervously at me. “Hi, I’m Stephanie.”

     “I figured that part out on my own. But what’s going on?”

     “Someone we’ve been looking for just showed up here.”

     At that moment the guy walks by our table and I drive my elbow into his kidney. As he twists away, I stand up and hook one arm around the front of his neck and grab his shirt collar with the other hand. Using his momentum, I drive his head into the table next to ours. I sit back down in my seat and the dude is out for the count next to our table.

     “So, Stephanie Plum, what is it you do?”

     “Bail Bondsman.” She looked back down at the guy on the floor, smiles and asks, “What do you do?”


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RE: Blind Date 5/29-6/4

Postby acandcd » Sun Jun 03, 2007 5:42 am

She walked toward the Food Court feeling ridiculously conspicuous. She was suddenly acutely aware of the corsage she’d agreed to wear to meet her blind date. It had seemed like a silly whim – easy enough to indulge – when the courier had delivered the whimsical package. But from the second Anna King had entered the mall, she felt like a beacon for unwanted glances and curious stares.

And she hoped her compliance didn’t make her seem desperate.

She passed the Orange Julius and she was assaulted by the obnoxious sounds of the ever-running blenders and the smell of hot dogs and sauerkraut.

“Look at that.” She heard someone whisper.

“I can’t believe it’s him.” She heard from somewhere else.

A crowd was gathering around the center court, where there diners carried trays full of trumped up fast food.

“I see him!” Someone else cried out. A little girl was jumping up and down, clapping her hands together.

Anna was secretly glad to have the attention diverted from the eye-catching flower pinned to her shirt. But she too wanted to see what all the excitement was about.

“Excuse me.” She said, squeezing through the throng of people.

She edged forward until she was at the front of the crowd, and she scanned the tables.

Several people cried out from around her. “There he is!” “Where? I don’t see him?” “Over there…at that table there!”

Anna still didn’t see, but she kept searching.

And then she saw him. Her heart dropped. Damn! It was him, her date. The matching corsage on his sweater said it all.

She couldn’t believe it. He had told her he was in publishing, but hadn’t gone in to detail. She supposed it was her own fault for assuming he was a behind the scenes player. But as she looked at him, it was suddenly all too clear who he was…and as she scanned the crowd, it was even clearer why he hadn’t been more forthcoming about who he was.

He definitely drew attention.

She thought about leaving. Just removing the flower from her shirt and fleeing before he saw her.

But it was too late. His eyes caught hers…and she saw the flicker of recognition as he looked at the flower she wore.

Damn! She’d at least have to explain why she couldn’t do this. She just couldn’t date another children’s book character. She’d been there, done that. And she’d had her heart broken.

Now, as the man in the red and white striped sweater approached her throat felt dry. The matching beanie on his head was completely inappropriate for the warm weather, but even she had to admit that he was kind of cute. And they had hit it off over the phone.

And then he smiled at her, and she was lost. Damn! She thought, another kiddie lit guy!

As he approached, she didn’t wait for him to introduce herself. She just held her hand out and flashed him her best smile. “Hi, Waldo.”

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RE: Blind Date 5/29-6/4

Postby GirlieGirl » Mon Jun 04, 2007 6:52 am

We should all have such "off-moments". That was great.

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RE: Blind Date 5/29-6/4

Postby Bresheky » Mon Jun 04, 2007 10:37 am

This is my very first post...pls let me know what you think!


So far, I haven't had much luck on the dating scene. Every guy I have managed to meet has been either boring or a biker with a tato of some half-naked woman on his arm. I mean, really! There have to be some men, somewhere, that are interesting and well, okay, good looking couldn't hurt either. However, I seem to be in some twilight zone where you either fall asleep because your date is as lively as a snail, or you have to bring mace, cause the guy you are with might try to murder you in the middle of the restraunt you're in.

So, I had given up dating. I told my friends that I was tired of either being scared to death, or bored to death, and that I might as well join a nunnery at this point. That is when my well-meaning friend, Harry, told me about this guy he'd met while in Italy. He said that he was a proffesor of Archiology at the local College. Harry knows I am a sucker for all things ancient, and said that he could arrange a meeting. I gave it some thought, and figured this guy couldn't be any worse than what I have been out with so far, so I agreed. Harry told me that we were to meet each other at the food court at our local mall on Saturday.

Well, Saturday got here, and I figured I might as well look my best, so I put on my favorite pair of Levi's, my red v-neck sweater (we'd agreed that I would wear a red sweater so he would recognize me), and my most comfortable tennis shoes (that way, if I had to run for my life, I wouldn't break an ankle doing it). I had even taken the time to tame my curly mass of auburn hair into a nice pony tail and applied a small amount of make-up. When I got to the food court, my stomach was doing flips. It had been a long time since I'd gone on a blind date, and the last time was a literal nightmare. Fredie Crouger was not known for his social graces. I had brought the standard dating precaution (a can of mace), and my cell phone so that I could recieve the escape call.

I had been waiting for about 10 minutes, when I noticed a tall, rugged looking man walk into the food court. I could see he was a man with a purpose, and he looked somewhat dangerous with his hat sitting low over his eyes, as he brushed dust off of the shoulder of his worn leather coat with what appeared to be a whip coiled in his hand. I watched the stranger with a mix of apprehension and fascination as he walked towards my table. He stopped in front of me, and I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I looked up into a pair of peircing blue eyes, that crinkled at the corners when he smiled and introduced himself, "Hi, I'm Dr. Jones, but you can call me Indiana."

I didn't quite know what to say, so I stammered out, "H-Hello, I'm Jessica," and I silently thanked Harry and the Gods above. My dating slump had just come to an end!


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