Blind Date 5/29-6/4

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mulletr
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RE: Blind Date 5/29-6/4

Postby mulletr » Thu May 31, 2007 10:32 am

Bodies were baking in Buckeye Town. The only things keeping me from bolting from the mall food court were the blessed air conditioning, the icy cappuccino clutched in my hot little hand, and the seventy-five bucks I had forked out for this little red sundress. I must have had a moment of senility when I allowed my writer friend, Janet, to arrange this little meeting.
“He’s working a few days in Columbus, and needs someone who knows the city. His name is Carl, and he’s hot.”
Right. What hot guy (named Carl) wants to meet a fifty-something grandmother (no matter how good she looks in her new seventy-five-buck dress)?
I glance at the mall clock. He is five minutes late, and I am out of here. I set my cup down resolutely, and the last ice cube bounced out on the table. I grabbed for it, and felt a pair of eyes on me. I looked up impatiently; I stopped breathing.
The eyes were deep toffee. Latte skin, shiny black hair held back in a ponytail, black silk shirt, black jeans (is that bulge his keys, or…), black boots. It was Carl. Carlos. My god – it was Ranger! Stephanie Plum’s Ranger! He tossed the rose on the table, slid the chair over, and sat down, his back to the wall.
“Babe,” he said. “Nice dress.”
His eyes followed my hand as I brought it to my throat, the last cool remnants of the ice cube now running down my cleavage. He raised his eyes and locked onto mine, the slightest crinkle of a laugh line showing.
“Babe.”
As I exhaled slowly, I had one thought. I was going to need more ice.

WBNH
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RE: Blind Date 5/29-6/4

Postby WBNH » Fri Jun 01, 2007 6:03 am

There hadn’t been much to tell. I’d been living a Monk’s life, and was content with it. Of course there were things I wanted…but the need for it is a myth. You get over it. All desires and urges can be handled. Sort of like a child begging and begging for a bike, toy, or chocolate. I can always hear my father’s voice, “So. How does it feel to want?”

So I got over it. Years ago. I missed my twenties. Sexually anyway. My last college girlfriend was it. The last interaction of a physical nature. I’m thirty-one now. It’s been six years.

Keith and Bri just couldn’t handle the way I was living. As if either of them ever tried existing two weeks without sex. They just couldn’t get that it wasn’t about sex with me. I finally got them to stop trying to hook me up for the sake of getting my rocks off. Secretly, I think they wanted to drag me down to their level. My celibacy and commitment to the concept of a wholesome relationship stood in glaring contrast to their two girl a month minimums. I was making them feel bad about themselves.

It was Tina, Keith’s latest, that set me up. I would have nixed the idea immediately, but she’d already told the girl I’d be there, and I couldn’t get out of it. She sounded sweet though. Literate anyway. Besides, it was hard to come up with an excuse not to meet a girl for lunch at the food court when everyone knows I’m there every day at one anyway. It’s the only break I get from schlocking books at Borders.

The stamped tin tables were scattered like Lilly pads under the rotunda. Most were empty, or occupied in twos and threes. Only one has a lady sitting alone. From Tina’s description, it had to be her.

I approached from behind. Brown waves of hair covered the back of the indoor-outdoor chair. I paused for a deep, deep breath.

“Um, Jo?” A quick turn. I must have startled her. I see her laying the paperback down face first, so as not to lose her page. Startled by a sense of familiarity. Was it deja-vu? I couldn’t place it, but I knew her from somewhere.

“Yes. Jo March. You must be Will? Of course you are.” Noting my Borders name tag. She stood for introductions. She was a little woman, couldn’t have broken five-five, but perfectly poised. I couldn’t get over those eyes. Eyes that knew, instinctively. Safe eyes.

Oh my God, how comfortable she was just to speak with. To converse knowledgably about almost anything, especially if it has appeared in a book was liberating. She was a writer, and I was a dreamer. There was no fear with her after one minute. I’ve never felt more openness in my life. She awakened something I didn’t know was dormant. I didn’t realize I was lonely before. My day to day pattern was set in stone. It didn’t allow for me to understand what was missing.

Our time ended when I noticed my break had run late. I told her to stop in to the bookstore whenever she wanted. She laughed and reminded me that, though she hadn’t been to this particular mall before, she lived in bookstores. She’ll be back.

And I’ll be happy.

cibo
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RE: Blind Date 5/29-6/4

Postby cibo » Fri Jun 01, 2007 7:15 am

He somersaulted across the food court floor and collapsed into the chair across from me.

"Hi," he said.

He reached out his hand and jammed the other into his pocket.  "Gobstopper?" He asked, pulling out a hot pink candy from his coat.

I shook my head.

He pulled off his top hat and laid it on the table. Leaning his cane against the metal, he sat back and looked at me expectantly.

I closed my eyes and sighed. Reaching up, I massaged my now throbbing temples. I opened my eyes and was disappointed to see he was still there.

He introduced himself. "Willy. Willy Wonka."

I sighed again and said, "I know."

His eyes lit up. "You know?"

"Everyone knows you."

He looked confused.

I ignored him and reached for my pocketbook. I started to stand up when he reached for me.

"Wait. Don’t go."

I waved his hand away and sat back down. I lowered my voice, leaned forward.

"Look. It was nice and everything, but there’s no way I’m going on a date with you."

"Why not? Your sister said you were desperate."

"I’m not desperate," I said.

"Okay, maybe not desperate. But..." His voice trailed off.

"It’s only been six months," I said.

He whistled.

I glared at him.

"Can you at least tell me why you won’t go out with me?"

I looked at him skeptically.

He ran his hand down his purple coat. "Is it too much? The velvet? I know women prefer snappy dressers."

I nodded. "Sure, that’s part of it."

"Really?" His face looked surprised. "What else? Tell me."

His eyes grew wide. "Help me."

I groaned. "Fine. Okay, I really loved you when I was like eight or nine. Your eccentricities were..." I paused. "Charming."

"And now?"

"They’re freakish."

He gulped. "Like?"

"You live with little men."

"Do not. They’re Oompah Loompahs."

"Whatever," I said. "It’s time you moved out and got a place of your own."

He frowned.

"And that whole getting around in a glass elevator. Girls prefer guys who drive cars."

He sat silent.

I continued. "And you’re unemployed. You gave away your entire fortune to a kid."

He smiled. "Oh, but that’s not true. Didn’t you hear about Charlie and that whole tax evasion thing? I had to take back the factory."

I flew out of my chair and grabbed my pocketbook. "That’s it. I’m out of here."

"Wait," he said. "One last question."

"One," I hissed. "That’s it, and I mean it."

"Okay. Just give me one good reason it couldn’t work between us."

I held up my arm and flashed him my medical id. bracelet.

"Diabetic."

His face collapsed, and he looked down at the table top.

"Okay," he mumbled. "I understand."

I pushed the chair in and weaved my way out of the maze of tables. Turning, I looked over my shoulder to make sure Willy was okay. I was surprised to see he’d taken off his coat and was offering a young blond at the next table a Gobstopper.


Newport
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RE: Blind Date 5/29-6/4

Postby Newport » Fri Jun 01, 2007 10:50 am

At first glance I thought about calling 911 but decided against it when I saw him sitting at a table for two surrounded by other groups of hungry diners. Safety in numbers I thought and maybe he only looked liked a scary person. I introduced myself, first name only, he stood, smiled and asked me to join him. He said he had arrived early and took the liberty of ordering for both of us.

Sitting down, my thoughts raced back to the office cubicles next to mine, trying to remember which of the clever leches I worked with arranged this blind date. It's true...I have DESPERATE writen across my forhead in bold letters. I held my legs together tight so he wouldn't catc h a glimpse of my quivering boney knees while leaning as far away from him as I could without falling off my white plastic chair. I surpressed the thought to jump and run.

We talked of the weather, my job and my health. He had a soft pleasant mature voice which he controlled with a deliberate cadence. He stared at my face the entire time. I know this because my eyes were darting all over the food court hoping to catch a glimpse of our waitress. I desperatly need some water.

He told me I seemed nervous and explained that he had that effect on people. With another warm deliberate smile he began talking about himself. He spoke of his latest trips and the people he had met. He said it was difficult for him to develope lasting friendships. He kept reminding me of someone but I pushed the memory from my thoughts.

Lunch arrived along with a bottle of wine and two glasses. I had skipped breakfast so I could give myself extra time to prepare for this blind date...I was starving. He said he hoped I liked chicken livers and fava beans they were his favorite. While I chewed a warm spongy bite of liver and a few fava beans, he poured us wine from the bottle of Chianti. I ate a few more bites, gulped the wine then told him I was on a short schedule back at the office.

As I stood to leave he smiled and said, "Dear, I forgot to tell you my name. You may call me Hannibal. I hope you enjoyed our brief meal. May I see you again?"

Deja vu, had I seen or read this somewhere? I wove my way around the groups of tables and chairs and stumbled toward the nearest exit. My plan to get even with the guys back at work was under way, but I vowed no blind dates for me for awhile.

Newport
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RE: Blind Date 5/29-6/4

Postby Newport » Fri Jun 01, 2007 10:52 am

At first glance I thought about calling 911 but decided against it when I saw him sitting at a table for two surrounded by other groups of hungry diners. Safety in numbers I thought and maybe he only looked liked a scary person. I introduced myself, first name only, he stood, smiled and asked me to join him. He said he had arrived early and took the liberty of ordering for both of us.

Sitting down, my thoughts raced back to the office cubicles next to mine, trying to remember which of the clever leches I worked with arranged this blind date. It's true...I have DESPERATE writen across my forhead in bold letters. I held my legs together tight so he wouldn't catc h a glimpse of my quivering boney knees while leaning as far away from him as I could without falling off my white plastic chair. I surpressed the thought to jump and run.

We talked of the weather, my job and my health. He had a soft pleasant mature voice which he controlled with a deliberate cadence. He stared at my face the entire time. I know this because my eyes were darting all over the food court hoping to catch a glimpse of our waitress. I desperatly needed some water.

He told me I seemed nervous and explained that he had that effect on people. With another warm deliberate smile he began talking about himself. He spoke of his latest trips and the people he had met. He said it was difficult for him to develope lasting friendships. He kept reminding me of someone but I pushed the memory from my thoughts.

Lunch arrived along with a bottle of wine and two glasses. I had skipped breakfast so I could give myself extra time to prepare for this blind date...I was starving. He said he hoped I liked chicken livers and fava beans they were his favorite. While I chewed a warm spongy bite of liver and a few fava beans, he poured us wine from the bottle of Chianti. I ate a few more bites, gulped the wine then told him I was on a short schedule back at the office.

As I stood to leave he smiled and said, "Dear, I forgot to tell you my name. You may call me Hannibal. I hope you enjoyed our brief meal. May I see you again?"

Deja vu, had I seen or read this somewhere? I wove my way around the groups of tables and chairs and stumbled toward the nearest exit. My plan to get even with the guys back at work was under way, but I vowed no blind dates for me for awhile.

writer721
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RE: Blind Date 5/29-6/4

Postby writer721 » Fri Jun 01, 2007 1:01 pm

Dear Abby,

My boyfriend and I broke up several months ago. Maybe to spite him - I don't know - I agreed to a blind date. I couldn't believe I allowed myself to be duped into doing something I normally wouldn't agree to do, but my friend said he was a doctor, so I agreed.

When my date arrived, dressed completely in black, he looked familiar, but I couldn't place where I had seen him before. His haughty attitude turned me off immediately. He looked around the food court with disdain and disgust. Desthpicable, he whined (a phrase he uttered frequently).

Even though I found him loathsome, I followed him to the best restaurant in town (at least he had good taste). But he threw an absolute fit when the cooks ran out of rabbit and refused to bow to his command to, "run out this (which he pronounced thisth) minute and shoot" him a rabbit. He ranted and raved for ten minutes about how "desthpicable" the cooks were. He also droned on and on about his intense hatred for Bugs. I swear I didn't see even one in that sterilized establishment.

After nearly half an hour of listening to this quack (I found it hard to believe he was really a doctor, but I still couldn't place his face), I convinced him, and he finally agreed, to eat fish. His explosive and erratic temperament dampened my spirits and his eating habits dampened my food. During that brief period when the food was finally brought to our table, we had about 10 seconds of delightful conversation until most of his food ended up splattered all over my plate after being jet propelled out of his mouth. I have never seen anyone spit that much. I don't know, Abby, - maybe I expect too much. I mean, is it too much to ask that your date not spit in your food? Am I being too judgmental?

And now, not only am I completely disgusted with myself for agreeing to the date, I'm also plagued by guilt. I mean, it was only because my boyfriend and I were fighting that I agreed to the date in the first place; otherwise I never would have agreed. And had I known how famous he was, I would have said no. You probably saw the front page of the Looney Pages. You can't imagine my surprise to find out who he was when I saw our photo on the FRONT PAGE. The whole world now knows I cheated on Mickey, who is going to kill me, by the way. Abby, what can I do to save my relationship?
Signed, Minnie

Dear Minnie,
First of all, for the record, you are writing to Mickey's biggest fan. Secondly, ducks are allowed in restaurants. You, however, should be grateful you were even allowed inside, you ungrateful little rodent. Thirdly, use your Minnie brain - if somebody's Daffy, he's probably a quack. And tell your Goofy friend to stop lying.

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RE: Blind Date 5/29-6/4

Postby 4myhaggis2 » Fri Jun 01, 2007 1:36 pm

Blind Date

“O.K. Sometime today would be nice.” I think to myself while I wait for him. “How did I let her talk me into this?” I wonder. The last time I went on a blind date was an experience that was on par with a root canal.

“You need to get out more. It’s been three years now,” she said. “You are not getting any younger. Have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately?” How should I respond to a comment like that? “Thanks. You know how to make a friend feel special.” That’s the best comeback I had. “Alright I’ll go!” I conceded. And so here I am.

I can find my way to the food court in the mall with my eyes blindfolded. The coffee shop is a public enough place. Besides I needed the caffeine high to get me through the next hour and a half.

As I slurp the last sips of my French vanilla latte I look up. There he stood leaning on his trademark cane. He has a piercing stare. My mind is racing. “What do I do now? What do I say now? I hope he didn’t hear that slurp? The caffeine high was probably not the best way to go. My hands are sweating. My heart is racing. I can’t decide what to say so I say nothing. He introduces himself and I still can’t say anything intelligent so I keep quiet. He sits down.

He wasn’t as intimidating as I had thought he was a few minutes ago. Obviously understanding my discomfort he kept the conversation light. The usual first “date” questions came up like, what music do you like? I manage not to make a complete idiot of myself. “Who is your favorite philosopher?” I must have responded correctly judging by his reaction.

We talked about everything there is to talk about including bizarre medical conditions. As the evening unfolded it was clear we enjoyed each other’s company. At the appropriate lull in the conversation we decided to call it a night. We exchanged phone numbers. And just like that it was over.

“Has he called you yet?” she asks me for the 100th time in the last three days. “No for the 100th time!” She dismisses my irritation. “What did you say to him? What did you do? You must have done or said something to chase him off. He is perfect for you.” I sigh knowing she means well. “You should call him,” she suggests. I tell her that’s a good idea and I would when I felt it was the right time. She hands me the phone after she dialed the number. He answered on the first ring. Emboldened by that, I immediately dispensed with the usual pleasantries. “How would you like to meet for a cup of coffee?” I couldn’t believe I asked him and I was so glad he said yes.

“Told you he was perfect for you!” she says. She always has to have the last word.

hough
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RE: Blind Date 5/29-6/4

Postby hough » Fri Jun 01, 2007 7:42 pm

     Isabelle was involved with a guy named Van Winkle and determined that I should meet his friend.  "I just know you'll like him," she said.  "He's charming."

     "What makes you think he'll like me?"  I really didn't have much faith in Isabelle's judgment.  She wore formal satin dresses to work and danced her way around the office.  But her secret staircase idea had been a tremendous help on my last project.  She was a good employee in spite of her lack of fashion sense. 

     Finally I agreed to meet the fellow.  We were all to meet at the Eastland Center Food Court and decide where to go from there.  But the phone rang just as I was leaving.  "Carrie, I'm so glad I caught you!  Van fell asleep, and I cannot wake him.  Please go on without us."

     "Why don't we just make it another night," I protested.

     "Oh no, P. C. is already on his way!"  Isabelle sounded agitated.

     Sitting alone by a Chinese restaurant at the mall I wondered how P. C. and I would know each other.  All Isabelle would tell me about him was that he was charming.  That probably meant he didn't have much to offer in the looks department.

     I thought there must be a ballet group performing at the Center when a man in blue tights came striding toward me.  His purple cape was trimmed with gold braid.  "I believe you're Isabelle's friend Carrie," he drawled as he stared into my eyes.  He was gorgeous.

     All I could do was nod and stare at him.  I wished I had taken more time with my makeup.  I felt a bit underdressed in my khaki skirt, red tank top and sandals.

     "You're even more beautiful than Isabelle described you," he remarked.

     Isabelle had said he was charming.  I had to agree.

     "We really should get going.  I don't want to be late for the feast.  You are hungry, aren't you?"

     "Starving," I muttered.  In spite of his good looks, I thought him too pushy with his obvious plans for our first meeting.

     "It's just as well Isabelle and Van had to stay home.  Mama isn't fond of the Winkles.  Van's father once missed a feast without sending his regrets.  Mama never forgives bad manners."

     I didn't like this at all.  "Is your mother expecting me tonight?"  Who took a blind date home to meet his mother?

     "She knows I'll be bringing someone very special.  My dates are always special."

     "You date a lot," I countered.

     "Sure.  But if you can't eat all twelve courses of Mama's feast, you're history," he warned as we approached a limousine.  "There's plenty of company for you downstairs though.  Mama never beheads anyone.  I visit often."  He waggled his perfect eyebrows at me.

     A rear window slid down.  "Why Charming, darling, what took you so long?" asked the old lady wearing a crown.  I ran as fast as my sandals would carry me back into the mall.


jchambers
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RE: Blind Date 5/29-6/4

Postby jchambers » Fri Jun 01, 2007 11:04 pm

Food Court


"Ear ye, Ear ye. This court is now in session, the ripe honorable and tasty, Spinach Soufflé presiding.

"All rise!"

"Your honor, I object!" exclaimed the turnip for the defense.

"You can't object yet, I haven't called the first case. Which is?" Souffle turned to the clerk.

"Petition for Divorce, your honor, from the valley of the jolly, ho, ho, ho, Green Giant."

"Thanks, Honey," the Judge said. Pounding a navel orange he noticed Calmet, standing then sitting. Standing again and sitting, "What are you doing that for?"

"He's triple rising, your honor."

"Are you finished? Hmmm...ummm... Good. The court calls case number 7734, Peas Vs Carrots, Petition for Divorce. You may pro seed, Counselor."

"Your Honor, this is a simple case, my client, Miss Peas can no longer tolerate an unkind and humiliating onion with the defendant. Can you imagine being mixed up with orange squares for years on end?"

The judge motioned the defendant to rise, "Are you contesting the Divorce, Mr. Carrots?"

"Uh -- yes. I -- I just can't imagine life without Peas."

"The court recognizes that such a fate could be painful, but it hardly serves as an argument to the plaintiff's petition."

"I've got another."

"Let's have it."

Mr Carrot's turnip produced a vanilla envelope and handed it to the bailiff, "Can we approach the bench, Your Honor."

The judge opened the evelope, examined the contents, "Do that."

Both turnips and the defendant came forward.

"These are pretty delicious pictures, Counsellor. What does your client say about this?"

"Your Honor, she was tricked into accepting a blind date because of the Defendant's repressive treatment. She didn't know there was a hidden camera -- or that she was being set up."

"How did you come to be in possession of these Mr. Carrots?"

"I found them on internet, quite by accident. I was just browsing --"

"He was checking out a food site, Your Honor, a veritable smorgasbord --"

"I didn't ask you. Shut up."

"I just stumbled across them your Honor. You can't grant the Divorce. I fear for her safety. I was doing some research on the World Peace movement, and this came up."

"I believe you Mr. Carrots. After looking at this, I'm finding for the defense. That doesn't look safe to me, either. Whirled peas. Yes. It's certainly that."

Joian
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RE: Blind Date 5/29-6/4

Postby Joian » Sat Jun 02, 2007 5:53 am

Being single isn't that bad. So what if the guy at Blockbuster looks at me pityingly every Saturday nite when I show up to rent a movie. So what if my shopping cart is filled with TV dinners......for one. Sigh. Ok.........who am I kidding. I'm desperate. Which is why I am now sitting here at the food court waiting for what my girlfriend promises will be "the best blind date ever". She did say 4 O'clock right? I drummed my fingers on the table and looked at my watch for the millionth time. Where is he? I wondered. I ran my sweaty palms over my skirt under the guise of smoothing wrinkles. Just as I was about to make a hasty retreat telling myself that it was because he was late (10 minutes) and not because I was terrified out of my mind I heard a voice from behind exclaim....."Oh please forgive me I do implore, I know I was supposed to arrive at 4". With a start I turned to meet my date. He stood over 6 feet tall, hairy and with a tall red and white hat. "Hello, you must be Sue" and with a regal bow he said "how do you do?" Needless to say you could have knocked me over with a feather. As I sat back down in my chair I could barely keep my mouth from falling open as I stared at my date. Fearing that I was being terribly rude I replied "Yes I'm Sue.....and you are?" "Ah...you see we're both friends of Pat.....allow me to introduce myself.....I'm the Cat in the Hat". And with that he sat in the chair opposite me. Desperately trying to think of something to say I blurted out...."So tell me a little about yourself. How do you know Pat?" As he began to tell me all about how we had a mutual friend in Pat I noticed for the first time two odd creatures that were hovering just behind him. How did I not notice them before? They stuck out like a sore thumb. They had turquoise hair and were each wearing matching red jumpsuits one with a number one and the other with a number two stitched to the front. "Um.....excuse me...I hate to interupt but are they with you?" I asked and gestured to the two odd beings behind him. He turned to look as if he either didn't know who was behind him or had forgotten. Neither of which seemed a likely possibility to me. He then replied "Yes they are with me this is true. I'd like you to meet Thing One.......and Thing Two. Each of the creatures nodded in turn as they were introduced. "And do you take them on all your blind dates" I asked nervously. "Well yes to this I must attest, they help me to create mischief at its best," he replied with a smile and a twinkle in his eye. At this point I made up an elaborate excuse as to why I couldn't join him in a meal of Green Eggs and Ham and made my way quickly to the parking lot. Pat had a lot of explaining to do.

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