Starring In Your Movie ... 08/01-08/07

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JohnOBX
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RE: Starring In Your Movie ... 08/01-08/07

Postby JohnOBX » Tue Aug 01, 2006 4:51 pm

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Ron Howard said, slamming his hands down on the table. Funny, I always thought he was one of the nice guys in Hollywood. Guess we’re not in Mayberry anymore.

“Says it right here,” my attorney, John Aldridge said calmly. He pointed a long finger to a paragraph buried in the “Get Rich and Famous” contract I’d signed last week. I’m sure it had another name, but it was all legalese to me. That’s why I hired people like Aldridge; to translate gibberish into plain English. He slid the contract over to Howard, who snatched it up in one hand.
Aldridge quoted the paragraph from memory as the sullen director/producer read along.

“Mr. Towler will retain exclusive creative control over this project including veto authority over any and all casting decisions made by…”

“Alright, alright!” Howard fumed. I had an Ally McBeal moment where I imagined shooting him with a tranquilizer dart from a ceremonial blow gun with feathers dangling from the end. “So who does he want?”

When the high and mighty start to talk as if you are not in the room with them, it is time to step in and make them cognizant of the fact that you are there and you have them by the balls.

“Well I think we need to do something completely different with the casting,” I said, taking a sip of my Pierre and lime. I hated the stuff, but was not above small acts of conformity.

“Great, you want to recast the whole movie?” This came from Clint Howard, Ron’s folliclly deprived brother. Never was there a bigger rider of coattails in the history of Hollywood. Still, I gave Ron points for looking after his family.

“Yes, actually,” I started to say before being interrupted again by Clint.

“Who are you going to get better than Streep for your mother?” Meryl Streep loved my books and asked to be in the movie. I hated to disappoint her, but I had a cameo in mind for her if she still wanted to take part.

“Okay, from the top then,” I said, ignoring Clint. “I would like Kermit to play the lead role; that of me. Miss Piggy will, naturally, play my wife. My dad should be played by Waldorf, he’s the more senile of the two. Statler will be my Uncle Bill. My mom should be played by Janice. My brothers will be played by Fozzie and Rowlf the dog. I’m not so particular about the rest, but I’d like to see the Swedish Chef, Beaker and Dr. Teeth have prominent roles and Sam the Eagle narrate. Oh…there are going to be some action scenes, so Gonzo will be needed for stunt coordination.”

loudermilk
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RE: Starring In Your Movie ... 08/01-08/07

Postby loudermilk » Wed Aug 02, 2006 5:30 am

John, really? Kermit?!?! You've got to be kidding. I've been trying for years to get on his calendar. It's time you started facing reality.

Pat Pechon
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RE: Starring In Your Movie ... 08/01-08/07

Postby Pat Pechon » Wed Aug 02, 2006 9:08 am

I think he left out Animal, Jack...Guess that part was MEANT for you.

Natasha Yim
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RE: Starring In Your Movie ... 08/01-08/07

Postby Natasha Yim » Wed Aug 02, 2006 9:13 pm

I've been told I look like Tia Carrere, but she's definitely prettier, I think. I think Pat Morita would have played my dad if he was alive, only he'd have to be grumpier and less jolly. I'm not sure who would play the other members of the family. There are not too many Asian actors and actresses with name recognition. I guess Jason Lee can play my brother, whose name, incidentally, is also Jason. My mother and sister are tougher to cast.

Jen13
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RE: Starring In Your Movie ... 08/01-08/07

Postby Jen13 » Fri Aug 04, 2006 8:06 am

The movie about my life would be a drama, set in a middle class neighborhood surrounded by horse farm landscape like in Seabiscuit (some of which was actually shot around my hometown).

Here is the cast:

Me: Mary-Louise Parker or Jennifer Love Hewitt
Husband: Colin Farrell with a mustache and more muscles
Son: Dash from the Incredibles (there aren't many young kids for me to choose from, but the running thing is pretty close to being accurate)
Sister #1: Jennifer Connelly
Sister #2: the girl from Blind Melon's "No Rain" video, all grown up (my sister did look and act like that at that age!)
Dad: Tom Hanks, plus 100 pounds
Mom: Angelica Houston with glasses
Friend #1: Angelina Jolie or Tia Carrere
Friend #2: Brittany Murphy (as seen in Clueless)
Friend #3: Kimberly Williams (from Father of the Bride)

gpdavenport
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RE: Starring In Your Movie ... 08/01-08/07

Postby gpdavenport » Fri Aug 04, 2006 6:15 pm

Since people are always trying to make my family exotic and multi-ethnic (when we're just regular Americans with African heritage, and tiny bits of other groups tossed in to spice it up), this is the cast to play my family:

My father - Gregory Peck
My mother - Lena Horne (people used to actually tell her she looked like her, although I never saw it)

Me - Selma Hayek, Vanessa Williams, or Hallie Berry (you get the idea)
My husband - Tiger Woods or Isaiah Washington
My older son, the aspiring director - Spike Lee
My younger son, the video gamer - Haley Joel Osmont

My sister - Tracey Ross (NOT Diana's daughter--Tracey is on PASSIONS, and is my sister's friend and I like to give friends work)

My boyfriend - Nathan Fillion from SERENITY and FIREFLY tv show (Actually, I don't have a boyfriend, but my real life would be a rather sedate movie and I think this guy is hot.) ;)

jenn
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RE: Starring In Your Movie ... 08/01-08/07

Postby jenn » Sun Aug 06, 2006 7:00 pm

Me -- Julianne Moore (with darkened hair)
My husband -- David Hyde Pierce (Nyles from Frasier)
Older daughter -- girl who played Lucy in Narnia (looks EXACTLY like my daughter)
Other daughter -- that girl who kept saying "OH My goodness, OH My goodness" in the original Annie movie (time travel is not a problem for actors, right?)
Son #1 --- Ron Howard just before Opie-age (again, time travel is no trouble)
Son #2 --- Spanky from the Little Rascals Our Gang
Son #3 --- that really chubby little kid from Our Gang
Son #4 --- an infant Ron Howard (you can figure out how Ron Howard can be two different ages playing two different parts) :)

The woman who played Sophia on Golden Girls can play my grandma.

Kathy Bates can play my mom.
Terry Bradshaw can play my dad (but he can't have a naked room like in Failure to Launch -- my dad would never have a naked room)

-Jenn

paperbackwriter
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RE: Starring In Your Movie ... 08/01-08/07

Postby paperbackwriter » Sun Aug 06, 2006 11:45 pm

add, Father Tyrone Powers, but acted more like Robert DiNero

by the bay
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RE: Starring In Your Movie ... 08/01-08/07

Postby by the bay » Mon Aug 07, 2006 12:25 pm

Natalie Portman in my 20's
Sean Connery as my husband
Oldest daughter Gillian Anderson
2nd Daughter Gina Davis shorter
Son #1 The boy in the yearling
son #2 Jim Cary
Father Glenn Ford
Mother Joan Crawford
Grandparents Roy and Dale on one side
Ozzie and Harriet on the other
Dog Eddie from Fraizer
Cat Garfield
Best Friend Holly Hunter and Raquel Welch
Best Guy friends Carl Sagan played by Albert Brooks
My date with Elvis ........ I'm not sure who the best younger Elvis impersonators are these days
Richard Nixon Anthony Hopkins
The astronauts I'm not sure

Brian
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RE: Starring In Your Movie ... 08/01-08/07

Postby Brian » Tue Aug 08, 2006 4:30 am

me: Mark Ruffalo
my wife: Gillian Anderson (during her x-files years)
my mom: Annette Funicello
my dad: Jack Black (there's an uncanny resemblance)
my sister: Alisan Porter (little girl from Curly Sue)

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