The Death of ... 08/22-08/28

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Brian
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The Death of ... 08/22-08/28

Postby Brian » Tue Aug 22, 2006 10:15 am


Brian
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The Death of ... 08/22-08/28

Postby Brian » Tue Aug 22, 2006 10:15 am

Write an obituary for your favorite fictional character (literary, television, etc.), including how the death occurred.

Please limit your response to 500 words or fewer.

by the bay
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RE: The Death of ... 08/22-08/28

Postby by the bay » Wed Aug 23, 2006 6:23 am

Nantucket MA, It has come to be known that the notorious Captain Ahab, master of the Pequod, has succumbed to the terror of the deep known to all in these parts as Moby Dick. His wife Una Spencer Ahab of Kentucky survives Capt Ahab.

Starbuck the First Mate reported Captain Ahab’s death on the Pequod. He told the authorities and the owners of the Pequod that the Captain had been driven into madness of the worst kind. The madness infected the crew and sent many of the crew to their deaths. After pursuing the behemoth through most of the oceans of the world, in the final chase the Captain was tangled in the ropes of the harpoons that punctuated this great white beast. Ahab’s wooden leg was gleaming white against the blood of the whale and the Captain as the denizen of the deep dove for hell.

Captain Ahab leaves an infant son Thaddeus Turner Ahab.

jdavewebb
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RE: The Death of ... 08/22-08/28

Postby jdavewebb » Wed Aug 23, 2006 9:16 am

Cabot Cove, Me
Sadly our beloved Jessica Fletcher has passed to the Writers Valhalla upstairs. While penning her latest murder mystery her hands became hopelessly entwined in the keys of her typewriter and she died trying to disengage from the machine. To get free she had placed the typewriter in the trunk of our dear sheriff's car and when he drove off she flopped along behind. Residents of Moose Jaw, Hollerville and Syrup Valley all reported seeing the seventy-four-year old trailing the speeding squad car along Highway 12. Memorials should be addressed to the Cabot Cove Public Library where Jessica was a regular reader. Her own epitaph will read: Old writers never die, they are erased.
J. D. Webb

Urchins_Rule
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RE: The Death of ... 08/22-08/28

Postby Urchins_Rule » Wed Aug 23, 2006 9:53 am

Today is the day that we finally put Samara Morgan to rest.

Really.

This is really the last time she's going to be buried.

The well has been covered, and I'm out of the psych ward: no, I really didn't go through that television. I'm sorry, I admit it, it was an hallucination. I'm sorry I scared people.

She had a powerful mind, Samara did. It was too powerful for the people of this land. It was too powerful for her parents, who tried to kill her and make the world right. Oh, they were misguided. They didn't do the job properly. But I did.

Really.

So goodbye Samara, and goodbye to all of you.

(end of tape)
(static)

spotonblue
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RE: The Death of ... 08/22-08/28

Postby spotonblue » Wed Aug 23, 2006 4:39 pm

Elmer the colorful elephant has passed away. He was preparing for his yearly celebration with the other elephants and animals of the jungle. When he shook the gray berry tree so hard it suddenly toppled on top of him. The weight of the tree was too much for him.
Elmer overcame his apprehension of being an unusual multi-colored elephant. He was living proof that diversity exists in the jungle. Elephants and other animals didn't judge him for not being a gray elephant.
Elmer will also be missed for his colorful sense of humor. Plans are going ahead with the yearly celebration and this year everyone will where colors that look exactly as Elmer. What a wonderful tribute to a special elephant.
His family and friends, which include his parents, aunts, uncles, a multitude of cousins and a jungle full of animals friends, will miss him dearly. The jungle has lost a special elephant.

jchambers
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RE: The Death of ... 08/22-08/28

Postby jchambers » Fri Aug 25, 2006 12:44 am

We might be almost sad to announce the passing of Nobody Atall, because Nobody didn't know how old he was so we can't carve it in stone here. Somebody guessed Nobody was millions of years old. Everybody knew it was in the thousands at least, since Nobody died. Somebody said Nobody was a saint and died while praying. Everybody was happy with Nobody's funeral. Pretty good news for this day and age.

JohnOBX
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RE: The Death of ... 08/22-08/28

Postby JohnOBX » Fri Aug 25, 2006 10:10 am

"Obits, the bottom of the barrel," Caton said to himself, taking another swig from the silver flask.  He'd been a good reporter once.  Won awards.  Dinners with the mayor.  Climbing the ladder up, up, up until--dizzy from the height or the booze--he fell.  Back to square one.  No, check that, below square one.  Square zero.

He rolled his shoulder and squinted at his hand written notes.  Back to work.

Jason, 39, of Crystal Lake, died Friday, April 13th in a wood chipper.

He was born in Hell's Kitchen, New York, and was the son of Pamela and Elias Voorhees of Castle Rock, Maine.  He was not married. 

He was a cook's assistance at Camp Crystal Lake before being drowned in a swimming accident.  This passing was temporary and he was again killed by a blow from an machete some years later.  After an ill-advised disinterment he was resurrected, only to be killed again by drowning.  This was followed by more resurrections and deaths including, but not limited to, destruction by toxic waste, demolition by a SWAT team, and exposure to the vacuum of space. 

He is survived by...

A knock at the door interrupted Caton's typing. 

Who the hell could that be at this hour, he thought to himself, taking another nip from the flask, before going to see.

--John


KarenRankowitz
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RE: The Death of ... 08/22-08/28

Postby KarenRankowitz » Fri Aug 25, 2006 1:16 pm

Curious George dies at age 65, Police suspect foul play

For more than six decades the curious monkey dazzled children and adults alike in his tales of adventure and wonder.  Surrounded by several friends, including Hudley the dog, George passed quietly.  "His appeal to all kept him full of life." Said Hudley, "He had at least 9 lives in him and lived them to the fullest, guess the last one did him in."

Despite his clever tactics, which served him well in the past, George didn't manage so well after a fall from a banana tree.  Witnesses said it appeared he was scratching his way across a branch of the tree to retrieve a banana when he slipped.  Ironically, a peel is what ended his life.

The circumstances of his fall are still under investigation and local police are looking into foul play. "What seems to be an accident, is the perfect way to disguise a horrible crime that we feel has been committed." Reported Police Chief Catherine 'Kitty' Litter.

However, the bizarre tale does not end here, an autopsy revealed that Curious George was a cat.

A private viewing will be held later this week.  Donations can be made to "The Cat Killed Curiosity" homeless shelter for ferel felines.


eagletom
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RE: The Death of ... 08/22-08/28

Postby eagletom » Sat Aug 26, 2006 5:42 am

Iron Man (aka. Anthony Stark, multimillionaire industrialist) crossed over sometime during the last month. Officially, rust and corrosion were listed as cause of death. Although the exact circumstances of his passing were not released to the public, speculation about his demise is expected to warrant a full investigation by several agencies - including NASA. “He was found holding an empty oil dispenser,” said a highly placed source. When authorities were questioned about the possibility of alcohol abuse contributing to his death the lead investigator responded, “More likely his waste disposal system in his armor malfunctioned but we feel foul play is not out of the question.”
He was a member of The Avengers. A spokesperson (gender unknown) for the group of superheroes issued a statement to the press expressing sorrow since he was the group’s sole support and now they will have to get real jobs.
Edwin Jarvis, Stark’s former butler and now valued chief-of-staff for the group of superheroes at Avenger’s Mansion (donated by the wealthy inventor-industrialist as their New York based headquarters) is rumored to have said in response to the sad news, “Great, now who’s going to sign my paycheck?”
All who knew him will no doubt miss iron Man.

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