A Broken (Deadly) Resolution - 1/18

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Re: A Broken (Deadly) Resolution - 1/18

Postby TheBrianJihad » Wed Apr 27, 2011 5:44 pm

It kind of has a drama/soap opera/degrassi kind of feeling. It jumps from three different places, and none of them seem to tie together. The details should compliment the mood as well as the reader's involvement. Also, try to make it more as if the story is showing the reader what is happening and not the author telling the reader what is going on.

On a positive note, it has some mixed feelings to it, like a mixture of psychological thriller, mystery, and drama. Shows potential for sure. Maybe some development of the three to emphasize the feel of each individual setting, or choose one and make all three scenes that style.

Good job! Keep posting!

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Re: A Broken (Deadly) Resolution - 1/18

Postby mmahajan » Sat Apr 30, 2011 9:28 am

I was laughing hysterically the whole time- while being rather freaked out at the conversation that was taking place. I was skeptical when I saw that the whole thing was written in dialogue but this was fabulous! Thank you for sharing a good laugh!

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Re: A Broken (Deadly) Resolution - 1/18

Postby jagrova » Mon May 23, 2011 5:03 pm

Tim poured himself a drink. A drink was the thing he needed. A drink would allow him to think.

Some of the Scotch spilled as Tim poured the magical drink spreading over the table like a mini tsunami rushing ashore. Tim ignored the spill downing the Scotch in one practiced swallow. Tim flopped into the chair holding the glass against his head trying to block out the memory.

The unbidden image began playing in his head. Tim had left the bar earlier than usual, his new strategy for keeping his drinking under control. He had resolved to control his drinking in the New Year by leaving the bar at ten o'clock. So far he had kept that resolution. It was on his way home he broke his other resolution.

She came out of nowhere. Tim had taken his eyes off the road for only a second to change the channel on the radio. When he looked up there she was directly in the path of the car. Tim had stomped on the brake with both feet. She had flinched just before impact. There was a thud and Tim watched her slide up and over the hood and then the windshield. Instinctively Tim looked in the rear view mirror where he saw her flailing in the air before landing in a crumpled heap.

"Get up." Tim willed her to stand up and walk away. It was only two weeks since Tim had resolved he wouldn't kill anyone this year. It sank in she wasn't going to get up at least not on her own. Tim saw nothing to be gained by calling 9-1-1 so he had driven away just like the last time.

Once safely secluded in his garage behind closed doors Tim surveyed the damage and estimated in his head what it would take to get his baby fixed. He would have to pay his buddy through the nose to do the work again. There would be parts, labor, and the going cost of silence. Tim was grateful his buddy always seemed to need additional income. His buddy liked to play the horses. Tim would just have to make do with his back up car until the work was completed. Tim looked closely to see if there was any blood. He didn't see any but just to be safe he would have to give the car a good detailing tomorrow just to make sure.

Tim placed the glass back on the table. The image of the girl as a crumpled pile in the street demanded to be acknowledged. The neighborhood was quiet with very little traffic during the night. It was possible she would lay there until the morning commute began at which time someone would find her. She deserved better than that.

Tim got up and headed for the bedroom. A plan had finally taken shape in his head.

The next day at work Tim received a call from Sergeant Snyder. When Tim had spoken with the responding officer the night before he had asked to be told if there was anything he could do for the poor woman's family, apparently the victim of a hit-and-run, he had found while out for a late night walk. Tim had explained he sometimes had trouble sleeping at night and walking around the neighborhood helped get him to sleep. Tim hadn't seen the accident or any vehicles at that time of night.

The officer had checked the pockets of the young woman and located a wallet. Inside the wallet was a suicide note apologizing to whomever she stepped into the path of. She had killed someone in a hit-and-run accident a few months earlier and found she simply couldn't live with the knowledge of what she had done. She wanted the person to know she was finally at peace and they were in her opinion an angel from heaven in putting her out of her misery. She simply hadn't been able to do the deed herself.

The Sergeant thought Tim should know since he had been the one to find her. The Sergeant reassured Tim that the department would pursue all leads regarding whoever the driver had been.

"If they had only stopped and called it in they wouldn't be in trouble but leaving the scene made it a crime."

After hanging up Tim located the number for his friend who does body work. Tim dialed the number and took a deep breath, "Randy, I need a favor."


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