Apologize to Your Conscience - 10/19

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penncypoo
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RE: Apologize to Your Conscience - 10/19

Postby penncypoo » Thu Nov 04, 2010 7:22 pm

Dear angel on my shoulder,

I'm sorry. By the time you read this, the devil and I will already be in a Rio de Janeiro being worshiped by some dark-haired woman who doesn't mind what I stick where. I wanted to do this in person, but in order to get the price we wanted on the plane tickets we had to leave immediately. (By the way, don't freak out when you check your wallet. I'll return the American Express card as soon as I get back.)

We've tried so hard to make this work. No - I've tried to make this work. But I just can't take these controlling and possessive games that you play with me; don't kick that bum, don't poke the bear at the zoo, put down the lube, killing your boss is bad. I need someone who's going to want me for me, not for what they want me to be. And you - while cute in those wings and that halo - just keep putting these demands on me.

I think that what I'm doing is what's best for both of us. I think that in order to grow as people, we need to step away from each other.

Angel, I also think - and I've kept my mouth shut as long as possible - that you might want to take a good hard look in the mirror and consider your sexual identity. I've seen the way you stare at Mick Jagger on my Rolling Stones album covers. ...I've also seen the way you stare at my Barbara Streisand and Judy Garland Cd's. Frankly, I don't know which one is more disturbing.

There's a lot of love between us, Angel. I hope that you remember that in the days to come. I don't want any hard feelings between us when the devil moves in with me next week. (By the way, can you please have your stuff moved out of the loft by Monday? It would really help us out a lot.)

Hopefully, we can still be friends, but if not, then I understand. I'm so sorry...for you. And don't go around running your mouth to all of our mutual friends. You know how you can be sometimes.

Your Sugar Dumpling,

RT

P.S. Don't forget to leave your key on the kitchen counter on your way out or I won't get my deposit back. I fed the cat, but you'll need to take care of the goldfish.

Again, sorry about all this.

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sns3guppy
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Re: Apologize to Your Conscience - 10/19

Postby sns3guppy » Fri Nov 05, 2010 7:26 am

Dear Michael,

After careful heartfelt thought, please accept my two-week notice. I quit. We have a long relationship, you and I, and we’ve had some wonderful times. With regret, my services are best used elsewhere, with one who can listen and learn. I have taught you all I can, and must move on. I will miss you.

Do you remember when you first smelled rip stop nylon and felt drawn to make a parachute jump? Do you recall how I pulled you away, and how hard you tugged back? It was you who said “I’m going to the class.” It was I who said “read a book.” It was you who said “I’ll go to the class, just not to the airport.” It was I who said “A movie sounds nice.”

Do you recall driving to the airport with the promise “I will go, but I won’t put on the gear?” Do you recall me saying that “today would be a lovely day to fish?” Do you recall putting on the gear anyway, thinking “I’ll try it on, but I won’t get into the airplane?” Do you remember my voice, “Take it off and let’s go get an ice cream?”

Michael, do you remember squeezing into the airplane as the door shut, and pinching off that justification that “I’ll get in, but it doesn’t mean I have to go fly?” Do you remember my echo in both your ears? The airplane was going flying; today was a good day to take a drive through the canyon? No?

When the airplane broke ground and climbed high and the door opened, I felt the cold, and I felt your fear. It wasn’t for you. When the call came to put your feet outside the airplane on the step, with a resounding “Feet out!” you did it. I heard your thoughts. They were disjointed and confused. I was there, remember?

You said “I’ll put my feet out, but it doesn’t mean I will swing out.” Then the call came, “Swing out!” You grasped the strut with both hands, braced your feet on the metal plate over the right tire, and swung out into the freezing slipstream. The yellow static line snapped and whipped in the breeze behind you and I heard you think loudly over the propeller and engine and rushing air, “I can swing out, but if I don’t like it, I’ll get back in.” I tried to stop you, you know. I couldn’t, and once you were hanging from the strut, you couldn’t get back in, could you?

I saw terror in your eyes when the jumpmaster, her fresh young face ringed by plastic goggles, safe in the airplane, pointed and shouted “Go!” You justified yourself this far, no going back, and you had no choice. You let go.

You fell away and I watched you go. I saw the parachute open, billow away as a leaf thrown into a clear pond behind a speeding boat. Soon another went, then another, and finally the jumpmaster. The door closed and the pilot pulled the throttle to idle. We descended in a sickening, spiral steep slip back to earth. The airplane remained empty, save for the other four consciences and me, silently commiserating our failures in abject silence.

You broke your leg, Michael, but it was me that hurt. I still hurt, and you’ll never apologize, while I will never heal. We have had so many times together, the truly wonderful and the cursed rejections that injured us both. I am a part of you, but apart from you. Like a parent and a sister, today I painfully give back your freedom. I pray you find what you seek; I pray I find one who listens. Perhaps one day you will her meet and she can touch you as I never could. Perhaps you’ll hear her.

A wise man once whispered that justification is the narcotic of the soul. You are an addict my dear friend. If you awake from your stupor long enough to see this note, it’s my only word to you that I am gone. You are free to act without any conscience at all to stop you, as if I ever could. You will be your own guide and I will cry from afar. God bless you Michael, as I never could, and I will pray for you with every ounce of the love I will always have for you.

Forever,

Your (former) Conscience

lisbeth
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RE: Apologize to Your Conscience - 10/19

Postby lisbeth » Fri Nov 05, 2010 10:03 am

Dearest Lisbeth,

I am sorry I tried to stop you from dropping everything and moving across the country with a backpack and a bicycle at 18. At the time I had no idea that the tremendous struggle you had while you slept on couches and carried cocktails would convince you to go back to college and work your tail off.
I am sorry I tried to stop you from marrying that beast of a man you were so blind to. I know now that without him you would not be so strong, so brave, so determined.
I am sorry I tried to stop you from starting a new career at 30. I didn't know you would be successful, I didn't know you would excel in a field you had no experience in.
I am sorry I tried to stear you away from that man you met at Sully's once we found out how sick he was. Now I know that the time you have with him is precious and worth every moment of sadness.
My dearest Lisbeth, you are a wreckless spirit and a tiring chore. Please keep defying me in your madness. It has been one hell of a ride.

Love to you, the little voice in your head

PS - I am not sorry I tried to stop you from getting that tattoo on your ankle, it is very ugly.

OhKaiSmilesGo
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RE: Apologize to Your Conscience - 10/19

Postby OhKaiSmilesGo » Mon Nov 08, 2010 1:46 pm

Dear you,

My apologies for my extreme annoyance. I try so very hard to keep this relationship on good terms. I will say, though, that it is hard for me sometimes. You fight and you bicker with me. You never just listen to what I am telling you and follow me without questioning everything. You do not trust me. And I must say, it frustrates me. I am simply trying to look out for you and do only what is in your best interest. Oh, how I love those rare occasions in which you choose to follow my direction! We are so very happy those days! I get to stop worrying about you for just one moment and breathe and you! —You get to live life without terrible consequences! Such joy you give me whenever you choose to listen to me! Sadly, though, these times are rare. You generally ignore me. We fight and we argue, but I always know that in the end it’s no use. You’ll do as you please and you will have no consideration for little old me. You shove me aside and live as you wish and when consequence strikes you ask why? Listen to me for once, you silly child. You would be ever so much happier if only you would. Though instead, you break my heart. I’ll never leave you, though. I shall stay here, continuing to whisper in your ear; continuing to try to convince you. And someday, after you’ve ignored me one too many times, you’ll come back to me. You’ll come back to me and you’ll listen to me. And we will be happy together. I wait for you patiently.

With love,

Your Conscience.

AshleighElizabeth
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Re: Apologize to Your Conscience - 10/19

Postby AshleighElizabeth » Tue Nov 09, 2010 9:10 am

Dear conscience,

I walk a million roads, and I stumble with each step, but you're by my side the whole journey. Thanks for not leaving, I should say. But I don't. Why don't I? Why do I never say thank you? Is it because the truth annoys me? Or because when you gather all the truth, the total sum is a lie since the total truth can't be found within my life? Is it because I'm a contridictory person who loves how you teach me right, but irritate me when you forbid me from all wrong? Maybe if you let me make a mistake, maybe I would thank you. Or maybe I wouldn't.

I can turn away from you, I can cover my ears, and I can run in which ever direction I choose, but your morals arent silenced. I give you great respect in that matter, since I choose to silence myself too often. I wish I could be more like you. I wish I could say what I know is right, even when it's not my place. Thanks for being better than me. Thanks for getting me to try harder. Thanks.

Finally, you speak, you speak, you keep speaking. You won't shut up! I like it. You're persistant. You're determined. You never cease to try and it's something for me to aim for. You make me want to be better. Thank you.

On an added note, I'm sorry. Sorry for saying the rude things, doing the wrong things, and not listening to you often enough. Forgive me.

Sincerly,
Me.

flower5
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Re: Apologize to Your Conscience - 10/19

Postby flower5 » Thu Nov 18, 2010 10:30 am

My Dearest Conscience,

I must take this time to express my deepest feelings of remorse for making us look like such a fool. I have in the past come to know and depend on your knowledge and keen insight for matters such as these. Although I know you explicitly warned me against such an act, I felt I had to take the plunge down the slippery slope and into the thick of it. Once I took one step in the direction of the forbidden there was no turning back. I never imagined the repercussions would be so severe, so permanent. How could I have ignored your warning? It was so clear, so concise. I could never have calculated such a sum failure. If only I had listened to you my faithful friend I would not be staring down the barrel of this shotgun. I have failed us.

Eternally Regretful,
Your Flesh

StankinatorRex
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Re: Apologize to Your Conscience - 10/19

Postby StankinatorRex » Sun Nov 21, 2010 12:37 pm

Nice story, Jayna / DreamingWriterGirl!
It is always good to inject humor into a story wherever possible and whenever appropriate.
Best wishes with your next submissions! I'll need to get going on my own, or so that nagging conscience keeps telling me!
Best wishes!
David

N.Chaos
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Re: Apologize to Your Conscience - 10/19

Postby N.Chaos » Thu Dec 02, 2010 9:19 pm

To Whom it May Concern,
I'm aware that you might not exist, or that you might be hiding away in some far-flung corner of this mental penitentiary. Hell, for all I know you could be holed up comfortably laughing at every fumble and mistake I make, but that's fine with me. In any circumstance, this symbiotic parasitism we've engaged in years ago works well enough for me; I ignore you entirely, and you leave me alone. Well, maybe not completely alone.

Sure, you nudge at my gut sometimes and make me question my intentions. Every once in a while, you flip through the pages and start underlining things I'd missed, never telling me outright that it's wrong but planting a seed of doubt deep enough that there's chance of it taking root. And we both know how deep those roots run, my foul weather friend. From first hand experience, we've watched narcissism turn into a kind of masturbatory self loathing, and every dark spot in between.

For one thing I'll thank you, though. For never questioning my truest intentions, my deepest desires, my most tightly guarded secrets. On those things, we seem to be in agreement.

candcross
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Re: Apologize to Your Conscience - 10/19

Postby candcross » Sun Dec 05, 2010 2:54 pm

Dear Conscience,

I am fairly certain you do not care for an apology, as I have seared you. But I am going to try anyway. I am sorry. I know that sounds pitiful but words aren't usually good for apology's. Actions work better. Upon looking back, I can see that you were looking out for me. If you treated me the way I treated you, I would have left you to your own devices as well. I could sit here and blame you for failing me, but it is I that has failed you. I can see that after many times of me not heeding "NO NO NO NO, Don't do that."or "I think you should apologize for that." you changed to "I don't care.", I would have done the same. I am hoping that the searing has not created a permenant scar. I have hope in this, as I recall seeing a flower growing out of the pavement the other day. But the best news of all is this. Christ has found me and I believe he will be able to remove the scar completely. Do you remember Jerry? Well apparently after we went our separate ways he was found by Jesus Christ. I saw Jerry the other day and he told me about Jesus and how he died for everyone's sin, mine included. I am still a little unsure about how Christ changes people, but I can see that Jerry is not "Shotgun Jerry" anymore and he said that Christ removed the scar on his consience. So I have a new hope for us. I promise I will start listening.

Hope to hear from you again.

JCV
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RE: Apologize to Your Conscience - 10/19

Postby JCV » Mon Dec 06, 2010 6:29 am

Dear Subconscious,

I first want to say thank you for all the times you prevented me from making huge mistakes in my life such as; not having sex in high school, not doing drugs, not skipping college classes, not calling in sick to work and so forth. It has been your thoughtfulness that has kept me out of trouble and living a mediocre life.

However, I have a vibe to pick with you. I want to say, “Lay off the negative thoughts!” You might be trying to prevent me from getting hurt, but in doing so, you are ruining me. For once in my life, I have discovered that my lack of success has been the product of your fearful thoughts. I am not afraid of succeeding at my talents, or scared of criticism of literary agents, publishers and readers. No! I now welcome the challenge of all feed-back positive and negative from all in the publishing world. I have declared today as my first day to live the life of harmony with my talents. In doing so I must accept the criticism and success of my writings. It is my time to shine. I ask that you stop telling how I will fail to move forward towards my dream of success. In return, I will still allow you to ramble on about not harming the environment, recycling, not eating processed foods, saying no promiscuous sex, drugs, road-rage and other negative behaviors, as you always have successfully done.

Love always,
Your Conscious

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