Apologize to Your Conscience - 10/19

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Vext
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Re: Apologize to Your Conscience - 10/19

Postby Vext » Thu Oct 21, 2010 9:24 pm

It’s ironic that I should be having a dialogue with you about remorse. Well, not that I’m having it but the transposition of roles, so to speak.

We’ve never really had a heart to heart, have we? I know a lot about you and you don’t really know anything about me.

There’s only one thing you need to know: I don’t like apologies. The way I see it, if you’re going to regret something later then save yourself the melodrama and just don’t do it. Nobody’s really sorry when they say they are. Apologies were invented about five seconds after excuses and are still a decade behind.

And before you get too comfortable, sitting there with that look on your face, waiting for me to spill it, I want you to be properly informed: originally, I had your best interest in mind. People talk, I soak it up, whether I want to or not. It comes with the territory. Honestly, I just didn’t want you to be like the rest of them. Apathy is bad enough, but speaking from a purely professional standpoint, it can be worse. You’d say the same thing if you’d been around as long as I have.

It seems that what began as a positively manipulative exercise has transformed into a completely different animal entirely. My attempts to “train” you seem to have backfired into this nonsense that I don’t know how to deal with. Quite frankly, I’m only even telling you because I’m hoping that you’ll figure out how to deal with it on your own. You seem like a reasonable chick.

I understand your problem, better than anybody. Maybe even better than you. The memories that you can’t erase. Incidents, events, occurrences, things that happened. They took a bite out of you and now they keep happening every time you let your mind wander, chewing up your sanity bit by bit. You get pissed when people tell you to stop worrying. They never get it, but I do; the insomnia, the despair in worry’s wake. I understand.

And it actually makes me cringe a bit to say this, but I’ve been the culprit all along. These years of vexation can be traced back to me and me alone.

I know what you’re thinking, and it’s not like that; I have no direct influence over your instincts. And if you want the truth, your instincts are pretty darn good. Usually. Not always. You’re at the good end of the spectrum, though, and that’s what matters.

Sigh. I’m beating around the bush. What I’m trying to say is that I’ve been creeping in where I don’t belong, making you feel bad about situations that really don’t warrant it. I thought that I was doing you, and everyone else, a favor; I thought that more remorse and compassion was better for everybody, all day long, all the time. What I didn’t know was how detrimental those emotions can be.

For both our sakes, I need to set things straight.

First of all, truth is not relative. A healthy respect for authority goes a long way. I know it, you know it. The American People know it. It takes two to tango, doesn’t it? So if you find yourself dancing alone, then get off the dance floor and out of Dodge.

Second of all, a negative stimulus provokes a negative reaction. It’s not a hard concept, is it? Anybody with half an I.Q. point ought to get it, right? Then don’t feel bad for yourself when they don’t; feel bad for them.

And last of all, I advocate forgiving and forgetting. But it doesn’t happen in the blink of an eye. I’ve led you to believe that you have to be the cultivator of common ground. My bad. It’s not very common if you do all the work, is it? So make your way to the halfway mark with a trail of breadcrumbs in your wake. If nobody shows, then at least you know your way home.

There you have it; an admission of guilt, fresh out of the oven. It’s not an apology, though. Keep that in mind.

I still feel like we aren’t quite even. I can’t exactly take away the hours spent in lament. So you’ll have to make do with this, I’m afraid (a little snippet of wisdom, a trick of my trade). A guilty conscience is a bit like a snowmobile in Texas: helpful in theory, useless in reality.

The LAW
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RE: Apologize to Your Conscience - 10/19

Postby The LAW » Fri Oct 22, 2010 9:13 am

Dear Mr. Man in Black,

I’m sorry for not listening to you all the time, but I‘m much bigger. It’s my job to bully you around. Remember what we were taught at school? It’s your job to make me feel bad about those choices. You’re always there with all those constructive negative thoughts. But, why do you have to make the insults so personal? You do most of the talking, but I’m going to continue controlling these conversations. OK?

It‘s nice to have someone that thinks like I do though. Even if that person always tells me how bad I am. Like I don’t know dude. But, why do you always want to bring up the bad decisions we made? Why don’t I have the dueling devil and angel voices in my head like the old cartoons? I want to give those a try for a while instead of you. I want to see two images battling each other for ultimate supremacy in my head. I want to see one dressed in white, with wings playing a harp. I want the other in red and black, carrying a pitchfork, surrounded by flames.

But, there’s only you.

Why is this? You are not entirely good, or bad. I think you would wear a black shirt with white pants if we ever met, but I know we never can. If we did I might have to go away for a while. You push me one way or the other, but I will always have the final word. You still seem to always have my best interest at heart. I wonder why that is. You know I need to be a better person, just like I do. I think you’re here to keep me from going insane. But, more likely, you’re here to make me insane. Your hindsight is always 20/20. You’re always the coolest guy in the room. You’re my best friend and my worst enemy. You’re the person I always wanted to be. If I was someone else.

Why did you have me move the couch again? It was fine where it was. You know it’s just going to be moved back tomorrow.

You always told me it was someone else’s fault. You always said it was just our typical bad luck. You made me feel like I didn’t have a choice in life. This couldn’t be further from the truth. It only took me 31 years, and to watch the ending of Lost to figure it all out. You just said they were all dead at the beginning. I told you it couldn’t be that easy. I know we thought the Man in Black was just Jacob’s inner voice. I know he still never got a name. I know that would have been totally cool, but you’ll just have to get over the fact you were wrong. Again.

I also read an article the other day my friend. It was about lucky people and their characteristics. It said that lucky people were luckier because they were willing to look for luck. They tended to put themselves in lucky positions because of this. They were willing to take a risk and ended up running into more lucky situations.

Unlucky people felt like something bad was always going to happen. Because of this, they missed out on things. Unlucky people didn’t take the chance to find luck. They always had a negative outlook on the opportunities presented to them.

You are the king of negative thoughts sir, so I’m asking you to change. Not because of this article, but because we’re always willing to take the big risk. You know we don’t ever play the lottery until it gets big. Then you tell me to buy $10 and put those crazy thoughts in my head about what it would be like to win. Don’t you remember being in Math class where the teacher told us the actual odds of winning? If he ever knew how much money he saved, or cost me, I’d like to thank, or punch him.

I know your negative thoughts will always be there, but I’m choosing not to listen to you anymore. At least not all the time.

Sincerely,

Mike

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RE: Apologize to Your Conscience - 10/19

Postby stephfx94 » Fri Oct 22, 2010 6:44 pm

Dear Conscience,

As I'm sure you're well aware, I'm not one for wordiness. I definitely prefer one well-communicated sentence to a lengthy conversation. I never belabor the point; I say what I have to say and I stop talking. However, I have a feeling this letter will turn out to be quite drawn-out, Conscience, so bear with me.

You know as well as I do that our relationship has not always been pleasant. You know that I've become impatient with you in the past, and I've abandoned you from time to time as a result. But you must admit that you have a tendency to be cruel; when you're not trying to control my every move, you're condemning me for disobeying you. How many times have I wanted to do something, or go somewhere, or say something, and you've rudely forbidden me from following my whims? How many times have I been crushed under the pressure of your ridiculous standards for my behavior? I often try to hide from you, to sneak away from you so that I can do exactly what I want without hearing your ceaseless demands, but you always find me. No matter how stealthily I sneak past you, you always manage to creep up, startling me from behind, laughing at my vain attempts to rid myself of you.

But, Conscience, this letter is not meant to make you feel guilty. On the contrary, I am writing out of my own guilt. Though I can,t say for sure that you deserve my apology, I'm offering it to you now. I'm sorry for leaving you out in the cold when I entered into the warm abode of mischief. I deeply regret allowing you to be trampled by the thundering herd of my darker desires, and I cannot tell you how often I wish I had not locked you away as I escaped the confines of sensibility for the false freedom of doing whatever I wanted. I am sorry for everything I've put you through, Conscience, and from this point forward, I promise to try to treat you better because, though you can be harsh, I realize that at the end of the day, you've done nothing more than keep me safe from the horrors I would otherwise bring upon myself. In your every warning or command, you're attempting to shield me from dangers to which I am completely oblivious. You have my best interests in mind at all times, and my well-being is always your first priority.

I knew before I began to write this letter that it would get long. I knew I would ramble beyond the necessary into the superfluous. But the truth is, Conscience, it seems to me that those who are closest to us are the hardest to apologize to, and if you aren't close to me, no one is. So, even though I cannot promise I will not grow annoyed with you in the future, I promise to always stay loyal and never leave you, because the truth is, I don't really know how I would survive without you.

Sincerely,

Me

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RE: Apologize to Your Conscience - 10/19

Postby Quietime » Sat Oct 23, 2010 5:49 am

Dear Child,

Do you remember that time ,when you were 6 and I told you not hit David Wilson. I know that He shouldn’t have called you a “ Slum Maggot” but you are the one that paid the price; a three day suspension. Or how about that time that I tried to dissuade you from stealing meat from the supermarket. I know that you were only trying to help your mom keep food on the table, but again you paid the price. Time after time, you paid the price for your wrong doings, and I continued to try and convince you that you were wrong. But I want you to remember one thing, and that is the place where we truly met and made amends; the place where you dropped to your knees and appealed to the one that motivates and drives even me. So here we are again, and you have been convicted of wrong doing, once again, but this time you and I both know that it was not you who pulled the trigger, and although you will leave this cursed world, tonight, I am here to tell you that--this time-- you will not pay the price.


As is with most of us newbies, any feedback would be greatly appreciated.

celebrethil
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RE: Apologize to Your Conscience - 10/19

Postby celebrethil » Sun Oct 24, 2010 9:10 pm

Dear You:

Look, I understand how upset this must make you. It keeps not working very well. I know you are thinking I am trying to sabotage you, but honestly I'm really out for your best. Still, I've been frustrating you to tears and I'm sorry.

First there was the guy at the party in the spring. He was lonely and kind and not bad looking, but he was just a little bitter and just a little intense and really a lot drunk. He might not be a bad guy. Heck, you were drunk too -- you both had excuses, right? At least, that's what you tried to tell me. It turns out I always have one hand on the steering wheel, though, and you're never (well, never again) been so drunk that I'm not in control. At least we have that agreement.

And then there was the guy last night. You told him the same thing you told the other fellow: that you just weren't that sort of girl, as much as you sometimes wished you were. Was that a jab at me? I'll take it, if it was. I get it. I'm usually the bad guy.

I know you aren't really so mad about those guys. You didn't even know their last names. You're mad about the one you know. You've never been an anonymous loving sort of girl: you're attracted to what you know, not what's available. I know how you got along when you met. I know how you didn't see him for years and how different he looked when you saw him again. I know how you both fell that attraction instantly. I know how you fought against it. I know how he kissed you, and I know how you kissed him back.

I know how he made you feel: warm, beautiful, alive. I know he jump-started the battery inside you that you thought was drained and dead years ago. I know how much you wanted him and how much he wanted you and how amazing being wanted, really wanted, felt after eight cold years.

And you know and I know that he's married, and you know and I know that there are some things you won't do. You won't have a drunk one night stand and you won't have a relationship with a married man, not even if you don't know his wife. You built your code of honor years ago, and it's served you well in keeping your self respect. Breaking up a relationship is high on your list of cardinal sins.

It's more than your code of honor, though. It's even more than just about your self respect. I do this because though you deny it, I know that you deserve more. Better. You deserve more than a guy who goes to parties to get drunk and get laid. You deserve more than a guy who would cheat on his wife to get you into bed.

And I know as much as you've been trying to avoid it you'll see him one more time before he goes away again. You and I both know he'll try one more time to break through your defenses -- to break past me. I can hear your justifications even now -- it's not a relationship if it's just once, he's going to be gone for a year, you don't even know his wife and she'll never find out. I'm not even going to address those. I'm just going to tell you what you already know.

You know better.

Now, if you want someone to blame, it's not me. Go talk to Extreme Inhibitions. Take him out back, punch him where he lives, and ask that handsome single guy out for a drink. He'll probably say yes.

Best wishes,

Your Conscience

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RE: Apologize to Your Conscience - 10/19

Postby petroff99 » Mon Oct 25, 2010 3:23 pm

Dear Little Voice Inside My Head,

Quite frankly, I think you're very annoying. I absolutely refuse to apologize to you. That's right, you don't deserve an apology! You always bother me at the worst times, your advice sucks, and you always make me feel guilty and horrible about myself after every fight!

Remember that one time when Karen was having the worst day of her life? Her boyfriend dumped her, she had lost her job, and she was in pain from her broken arm she got in that car wreck a few days before. She was talking to me to vent about her problems. You kept bugging me and telling me to say something to make her feel better. So I said with as much sincerity as I could, "Well, at least you have your health." To which she broke down in tears and told me she had herpes. Yeah, good one conscious.

So I'm not going to apologize to you because you're a jerk! And I'm not going to listen to you anymore! Good day!

Sincerely,

Ignoring-You...

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RE: Apologize to Your Conscience - 10/19

Postby ElleCR » Tue Oct 26, 2010 7:26 pm

I find myself in the awkward situation of apologizing to you. I realize that this apology is a long coming. I wasn't really paying attention during the whole Corpus Christi Band trip in the late 80's. Fortunately the world at large considered it a sowing of wild outs, and everyone involved escaped with no criminal charges or STDS. There were a few other times that I didn't help out as much as should have and I probably would have prevented you from getting involved in those bizarre events during your college years. That scar has faded and even I have to admit that everything turned out just as good if not better than if I had spoken up when I might have. There at the end, you didn't even have to ask me for a nudge in doing the right thing. Feeding the hungry, lifting the fallen. You were right there. I didn't even have to carry you. You were there.
I do apologize for my less than stellar performance, but really how much did you really need me.? Not much of an apology, but not much need to.
Sincerely- Your Conscience, Jiminy

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Re: Apologize to Your Conscience - 10/19

Postby fishcantswim » Tue Oct 26, 2010 11:43 pm

Dear Conscience,


It is with deep regret that I am forced to write to you, once more.

You will recall that I have already written twice previously to express my disappointment with your apparent lack of effort, and indeed ability, in carrying out the fundamental duties for which you are employed.

It would appear that you failed to heed my kindly warnings, and your recent performance had made it clear that your are unwilling to adapt and improve your involvement to an acceptable level.

I will not discuss your previous failings here, but will instead focus on your most recent shortcoming.

You will recall our mutual attendance in the break-out area on the third floor, yesterday, the seventeenth of October 2010, at about 3:30 p.m. The objective was to achieve some caffeine-based sustenance, preferably some of the thick black Colombian blend that you know I favour.

Lo and behold, there were a couple of inches left in the coffee pot, enough for a cup for little old me. You said nothing.

I poured the coffee, luscious and velveteen it flowed and swirled in my mug. There was none left in the pot. Again you were silent.

Consternation and indecision wracked my caffeine deprived bones. I was busy, so busy, and my work so important - how could I, in good conscience, delay myself further by preparing a fresh pot of coffee? Besides, it was late in the afternoon, so surely the coffee would just got to waste anyway?

I patiently awaited some input, some opinion from you, my conscience. I heard nothing, and so had to assume that my decision was the correct one.

As I walked out the room my manager, Brain Kerrigan you’ll recall, walked in, his empty coffee cup clasped in desperate hands. He could smell the Colombian blend, the cream, the three teaspoons of sugar. He could see the empty coffee pot. He knew I had used to last of the life giving liquor.

His smile was reed thin, his eyes hard. My shame was writ red upon my face.

And all that time, you were silent. Not a peep, not a poop, nor a piip nor a paap. Nothing - no prick.

And when you did return your excuses were laughable. A break? And how you always have to make coffee as the person who finishes the pot never does? Although your employ has been - and will remain, you can be assured - short, you must be aware that I was not born yesterday.

So I must terminate your contract, as you are not providing the service that you should be. I would be better off with an animated cricket!

Please ensure that you vacate my inner space by close of business today, ensuring that you do not disturb my sleep, and leaving the office in an acceptable condition for the next incumbent.


All the best for the future,

Florence

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Lakesideman
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RE: Apologize to Your Conscience - 10/19

Postby Lakesideman » Wed Oct 27, 2010 10:17 am

Dear angel who sits on my shoulder,

The old song says “sorry seems to be the hardest word” and this is no exception. I know you were right, you are always right and that’s what makes it so frustrating. Taking the moral high ground each and every time involves a lot of climbing and hard work. Temptation, the dude who sits on my other shoulder, is far easier to get along with but he screws things up as much as I do.
In retrospect going out with the fellas the night before my quarterly presentation at work was not the brightest idea in the world just as you intimated beforehand.
Then you tried to talk me into getting something to eat before drinking enough beer to put out a California wild fire but once again I ignored your advice.
You were three times correct later on that evening. As it turns out jumping on the stage with beers that I had been shaking to get the wet tee shirt contest off to a roaring start was not appreciated by house management or the contestants.
On the cab ride home you begged me to have the cab driver stop so that I could find a restroom but I was just concerned with keeping the party going. In retrospect you were right because decorating the back of the man’s cab with buckets of regurgitated 3am Taco Bell is probably the straw that broke the proverbial camels back and led him to bestow upon me a matching set of black eyes.
Finally you were dead on correct when you tried in vain to tell me that the woman who helped pick me up off of the pavement was not in fact a woman at all and was only trying to relieve me of whatever money I may have had left on me. So what, I told myself, if she was 6’4” and had an Adams Apple. She was really into me and at least I would end an epic evening get a nice girl’s phone number.
Once again, I was wrong and you were right. Now I have to explain at work this morning why I am unprepared and look like the star of National Geographic wildlife film. Payday was just yesterday and I am already dead broke. I have to stand in line to replace my cell phone and license as both of them suddenly went missing. My picture is on the door at the Lakeshore Lounge in order to prevent any future admittance on my part and to top it all off the mere thought of a Chalupa is now thoroughly revolting.
To summarize in closing had I listened to you my life would be a whole lot easier this morning. Please try to take some solace from the old saying that we each learn from our mistakes. If that is truly the case then I learned enough for a Masters Degree during the course of my epic adventure.

Yours truly,

Me

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RE: Apologize to Your Conscience - 10/19

Postby Isob » Wed Oct 27, 2010 10:53 am

Dearest I,

I am writing to you because I don't know what else to do.

I realise that last Thursday I caused you much anger and pain and that is why you are now refusing to acknowledge my presence. However, I hope that as you look back on the events that transpired, hindsight will give you a new perspective and you will realise that I truly was acting in your best interests.

I know you think I ruin all your fun and you feel like we are constantly at war. Believe me what I say I often feel the same. To indulge your every whim would frankly be dangerous and you would not thank me for it. However, you cannot say I never spoil you. Remember the time with the car? You were so angry with you father that day. I understood you pain and I stood by while you let the hand brake off the car. We watched as it rolled slowly down the driveway, across the road, coming to a stop as it crashed into, and knocked down, the wall of the house opposite. I felt guilty afterwards but no one shouted, they thought it was just an accident. Or, do you remember when you were left to go to school with no dinner money (again) and I let you take 20 pence to buy a cake? You took it from Kim's pencil case, but it was okay because she had loads and you paid it back the next day. I made you feel guilty though – I didn't want you to think it was acceptable to steal.

You see? I don't always stop you from doing what you want; I just try to be rational what you are overcome by emotion. This is exactly what happened last Thursday. I felt your fear, I felt your anger, I felt you pain and I felt your burning desire for revenge. It would have been so easy but it was wrong and forever more would we have carried the burden of guilt and regret. I know that in time you will agree.

Please remember that we are two parts of one whole and I will always be looking out for you.

Yours,
Conscience

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