Late-for-Work Excuse - 3/16

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Brian
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Late-for-Work Excuse - 3/16

Postby Brian » Tue Mar 16, 2010 4:19 am


Brian
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Late-for-Work Excuse - 3/16

Postby Brian » Tue Mar 16, 2010 4:19 am

You're late for work because you overslept, but your boss hates over-sleepers. He does love entertaining stories, so create the most outlandish excuse as to why you were late.

You can post your response (750 words or fewer) here.

Metalfinger24
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Re: Late-for-Work Excuse - 3/16

Postby Metalfinger24 » Tue Mar 16, 2010 9:02 am

“Sorry sir, I know I’m late. You would not believe the night I’ve had. Um, you might want to sit down for this. Thank you, sir.
“I was working on the Mendella proposal. I know it’s not going to come up until next Thursday, but better safe than sorry, you know what I mean? Well, I was just in a restaurant typing up the proposal, and suddenly my phone rings. It’s a buddy of mine from college, Kyle Marks, and he’s just passing through town and decided to call me up. I know, sir, I know. A college buddy dropping in, I probably should’ve just finished working on Mendella and called it a night. But you know what they say, all work and no play? Right…
“So I find Kyle in that bar over on Twelfth, and suddenly we’re back in college. The two of us are suddenly in a tournament of a game called bumper beer. Have you ever played it before, sir? No? well, I think you’d be excellent at it. Anyways, it’s played by playing simple eight-ball pool, only ricochet shots count. And when you sink a ball, the other guy has to take a drink…yes sir, I did know that there was work the next day. But it was a buddy from college.
“Anyways, we start playing bumper beer, and I suddenly realize why Kyle was known as the ‘Bumper Baron’. He was the undisputed king of bumper beer, and I was finding that out the hard liquor way. Luckily I managed to sink a few balls while I was still sober…ish, and he just barely manages to bank the eight ball into a corner pocket. And then we start getting into it, just reminiscing about old times. Haha, there was this one time, our junior year, where we happened to find a frozen turkey, and five cans of green paint…maybe that’s a story for another time, sir.
“So Kyle has seven beers in him, I have eight, and it is only one o’clock in the morning, and we don’t even want to think about going home. I decide to show him the park, even though it’s a bit late. We start staggering over there, and the park was just amazing, sir. You saw the full moon last night, right? Well, it just glinted off the park benches, shining down on the statues.
“And here’s the craziest thing. You know that big statue, right next to the water fountain? The one with the three soldiers saluting the flag? Well, the park is just plain empty, and Kyle decides to just lean up against the middle soldier, and my buddy is just smiling and laughing. He says he’s got this big secret, and he just needs to tell somebody. So he kicks the middle soldier’s knee, and suddenly there is just this big opening right underneath the fountain. We’ve got a secret entrance to an underground base, right in the park! Boss isn’t that just amazing? I know, I know, it sounds crazy, but it’s true.
“We were all set to go in, I mean I’m just about to get to the top of the entrance, when we here sirens. And I’m pretty sure I’m drunk, sir, and I don’t want to get you or the company in trouble, so I just book it out of there with Kyle in tow. He’s crashing at my place right now, sleeping it off, and probably by tomorrow night he’ll be gone. I’m sorry.”
His boss looks at him and chuckles. “That has got to be the dumbest story I’ve ever heard. Well done. Now get back to work.”
The employee nods and runs back to his cubicle. The boss sighs, and hits the intercom.
“Yes, sir?”
“Make sure Kyle Marks is unconscious, and then tell him to be here when everyone in the building is gone. We need to have a talk about exposing project Triton.”

Gladys
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Re: Late-for-Work Excuse - 3/16

Postby Gladys » Tue Mar 16, 2010 12:58 pm

This is fantastic. Love it keep on writing

Gladys
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Re: Late-for-Work Excuse - 3/16

Postby Gladys » Tue Mar 16, 2010 12:58 pm

This is fantastic. Love it keep on writing

CJillFriend
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Re: Late-for-Work Excuse - 3/16

Postby CJillFriend » Tue Mar 16, 2010 2:43 pm

Late For the Nightshift, Bitten Puppy: The best excuses are based upon something true.

Wonder why a thirty-year –old woman would cry in front of a four-year-old boy? “Of course, Aunt Jill, it’s because you are unstable,” Christian would say because he always says, “Of course” as his introductory phrase to explain he is brighter than I think.
Today was day two of babysitting my nephew after his morning in preschool, much like yesterday, except yesterday I didn’t cry and go home with wet pants. Yesterday, Christian got off the bus with two bags of “pee pee clothes.” He told me while we were walking up the driveway, and I thought he had said, “I have two bags of P.E. clothes in my backpack.”
I unpacked the pee pee clothes, wrapped in familiar plastic bags. I put them in the laundry pile and later added a pee pee towel from my ten-week-old puppy, Finley.
Finley likes to jump up and bite, and Christian likes to run and squeal through the house. That is a combination of the predicted puppy bites nephew; nephew cries; aunt consoles and teaches nephew to stop squealing and to be more commanding. Yesterday, Finley just yanked down his pants a little, and then I saved him. Today, he came shrieking into the kitchen with Finley hanging from his blue-jeaned leg.
I picked him up, held him and told him that I knew that it hurt like a really hard pinch. I took him into the bathroom and used toilet paper to wipe the tears from his cheeks. My sister hung an antique medicine cabinet with mirrored door above the toilet, and while I wiped his face, I noticed him looking in the mirror. I looked too and smiled at him.
We ate lunch, and after the third showing of SpongeBob Squarepants “Tide and Seek” in two days, Christian decided he wanted to go outside. We put on our shoes and coats. I asked him what hat he was going to wear. Of course, he was going to wear his Ducks Unlimited hat, but then, he couldn’t find it and chose his winter hat with the earflaps. We took Finley, the bat and ball I bought him for his birthday, a Frisbee, and a boomerang. I had my camera in my pocket and thought I could take pictures of Christian playing with Finley and Bailey, my sister’s dog.
We walked about a hundred yards to the swing set. I threw the boomerang once. It didn’t return. Christian said, “No, Aunt Jill, you have to throw it like this,” but it was a windy day.
And then, Bailey, who has never bitten another dog in his nine year life, bit Finley above the right eye. She scampered slowly, yelping pathetically, head hung low around the opposite side of the swing set. I don’t remember my motions to get to her.
I sat at the end of the slide and examined her, probably frantically. Christian stood in front of me and said, “Bailey has sharp claws.” Finley’s eye began to swell. When I parted her fur to see the bite had broken her skin, she yelped and pulled back, squinting her eye shut. Christian continued to say, “Bailey has really sharp claws.”
Once I saw that Finley wasn’t bleeding, I said, “Bailey bit Finley. He didn’t scratch her.” I cried then.
I stood and felt my wet pants. I sat in rainwater at the end of the slide. I gave up and told Christian we needed to go back inside. He listened. I continued to cry. Christian said, “Bailey has really sharp claws.” I said, “Bailey should have known better and I won’t be bringing the puppy back.” I shouldn’t have said that.
I went to the bathroom and wiped my tears in the mirror with toilet paper. Christian followed me in and said, “Bailey should have known better. I think she is okay.” I asked him where mommy kept the hairdryer, and he asked why, and I told him, “because my pants are soaking wet.” It was upstairs, so I said, “Nevermind.”
I texted my sister, “Can u come home as soon as u can? Bailey bit Finley and her face is swelling.” Too dramatic of me, but I had a similar reaction when my mom’s dog bit Irving, my German Shepherd.
Ian, my brother-in-law came home twenty minutes later. He asked if Finley was trying to get Bailey’s dead possum corpse complete with full-set of teeth. “No,” I said, “he tried to give me that yesterday.”

CJillFriend
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Re: Late-for-Work Excuse - 3/16

Postby CJillFriend » Tue Mar 16, 2010 4:52 pm

So, I had to take my puppy in for an emergency room visit. Took forever to get the vet to stop watching the Dog Whisperer.

contrychick
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Re: Late-for-Work Excuse - 3/16

Postby contrychick » Wed Mar 17, 2010 5:21 am

I have been late to work…many times. Unfortunately, the times that I have been late to work, I’ve had a very good reason. My grandmother. Now, my grandmother, bless her Alzheimer’s laden heart, did not understand or know what she was doing. She lived with my dad and me for almost 2 years and for those 2 years, I was usually late to work. I never was fired, because my boss never underestimated the power of a crazy grandmother.

I really had to remember that my grandmother was a child of the Depression and a Native American to boot. They love keeping their things safe and they NEVER trust anyone. As always, I changed my grandma’s clothes before my dad came home for the night shift. “Come on, Grandma, put your arms up, I gotta get this shirt off of you.” She cussed me a blue streak, and screamed that I was trying to rape her.

Okey doke.

Let’s try this again.

“Grandma, really, come on, I’m your granddaughter, remember me?” I’m not trying to rape you. I have to go to work.” She screamed and punched a nice shiner on my arm. I sighed and prayed for strength. I trudge on, though, struggling with flying limbs and curses. Then, I saw it.

Orange, yellow, glutinous, odorous cheese. Under her armpits. I can’t even clarify how I felt. Frustrated, annoyed, and exasperated beyond belief. I was definitely going to be late for work. Again. I stared at my grandmother and she had this defiant, teenager-ish, gleam in her eye. So, what could I do? Cry? Scream? Run out of the house and let her sit in her Velveeta cheesiness? No. I would do what any good caretaker would do. I began to laugh and it went into a full-blown hysterics until tears came running down my face. I hugged her and told her that I loved her, despite the fact she smelled like rotten cheese. My grandmother, of course, was still cursing me from here to eternity. However, I couldn’t hate her for it. I just shook my head and said, “Come on, Grandma, I’ve got to get you in the shower.”

I called up my boss after the shower and told her that I was going to be late for work because my grandmother had put sliced cheese under her armpits and I had to give her a bath. Crazily enough, she did believe me, because it was only one of the thousands of excuses in the four years that I took care of my grandma. My boss, good naturedly, laughed and told me to come in when I could.

I look back on my time of taking care of my grandmother with fondness. I know that many people would say that Alzheimer’s Disease is awful for both the caretaker and the patient. I really didn’t look at it that way, I saw this time as a special time for me. I loved taking care of Grandma; she was my patient, my buddy, and my sometimes she was my child. I never regretted a moment of it; and I’m all the more stronger and better because of it.

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RE: Late-for-Work Excuse - 3/16

Postby Neets » Wed Mar 17, 2010 7:40 am

My hair, perfect. My outfit, inspired. My make-up, spot on.
Presentation is in my briefcase ready to go.

I really like this song, this song is great! Ah Doobie Brothers, you get my toes a twitchin' - okay why is the dog licking my toe - I already have my shoes on right?

No! I'm rocking out in bed to my clock radio that I forgot to spring forward! Damn!

My little plan of not checking the news in order to lift my spirits ain't working out so great is it? Not only did I oversleep rockin' out to the Doobs but I get to add a whole hour to my tardiness as well. Excellent.

The Doobie Brothers hit the wall. Sorry, no offense, but the whole "clock radio" thing isn't going to do it for me.

I grab my sweat pants and pull on my sneakers, I quickly pull my hair into a pony tail run to the bathroom and slather on deoderant and scrub my teeth.

I'm almost out the door when I see the presentation sprawled out on the dining room table. Cursing, I shove it into the briefcase sitting on the dining chair and setting the case flat on the chair I use my knees to crush it down so I can fasten it.

I've heard the phrase "awake but dreaming" before but "dreaming I'm awake" is a new one on me. I hop in my car and head off to work trying to think of a good excuse, it will be obvious that I had no time for personal grooming, but I don't think that matters as much as my presence this morning.

I have to think of a good story of why I had no time to dress for success. Janet is a tough customer. I also have a presentation to make, and my mind spins into a deluge of numbers and forecast trends as I try to go over the work I did last night.

As I rush into the office, I can hear the chuckles and whispers hissing around the cube farm. I lightly tap on the conference room door and quietly take my seat at the table.

Janet stops, nods in my direction from her presentation at the dry erase board.
"Why Susan, so good of you to join us, I trust all is well with you?" Janet delivers with a Cheshire cat grin, practiced to perfection.

Chuckles and whispers around the table, I have to will my face not to redden for this performance is going to require every ounce of dramatic ability I possess.

"Yes Janet, thank you."

"Well please begin your presentation Susan, I was just going over some old points here," Janet sweeps the figures off the board with the energy and flourish of a school girl who also happens to be a cheerleader, excited at the smell of blood.

I stand and take my place at the head of the table, popping open my briefcase the papers bulge out, I push them back in and smooth back a strand of my hair, shoving it back into my ponytail.

"Folks, I want to explain why I'm late. Last night I won a substantial amount of money in the state lottery, and wasn't sure I was going to come in at all today."

As the news penetrated the sleepy brains of my co-workers, the smell of money woke them right up, leaning forward and sitting straight, it was clear I had their rapt attention.

"I spent last night celebrating of course, and then I began to really think. All it seems we want in life is to not have to worry so much. I don't need as much junk as I think I do either. But worry has been the theme of my life. Always looking ahead waiting for the next big storm, I've wasted all the fair weather days in my life worrying.

When I started answering the questions of why I wasted those days I found my family. And for all the corporate b.s. about our "family" status, I came to the conclusion that all of you really are my family, you all know me better than anyone.


I have a distant cousin who I do not know at all, and he has a son who is very ill. They are going to lose their home, and I have sent most of the fortune to their family so they can hopefully pay off some of their bills. I don't need to sit at home all day, and I can't picture myself lounging around a pool for the rest of my life. What I enjoy the most is this family, sailing this ship around the storms, but now I know to enjoy the sun, a gift that the money did bring in a roundabout way.

I'm taking you all out to lunch today, my treat. I hope you can excuse me for being late, and I hope that in the future we can all learn to appreciate how truly lucky we are in that we all have our health, our family, and we can work together as friends, enjoying the journey along with the rewards of reaching our destination. I can't imagine a better crew to be on board with."


At lunch, the bill came to $400.00. I donated another $500.00 to charity, all I could afford, but a small price to pay for the whopper I told.

The curious thing is not only did I convince my co-workers of the futility of the worry and how all we really have is each other and how truly blessed we are, I convinced myself.

Teased for many weeks on end on whether or not I would change my mind and book a room at the Ritz and check out of the cube farm, my co-workers must have thought that I didn't care about the corporate ladder anymore. I was privileged to get to know them all in a new way, not as a possible rival, but as a possible wealthy Auntie, who enjoys their company.

I know, I'm still a bit jaded about my co-workers, but I am learning to enjoy the fair weather when it comes, and there are a lot more laughs in my day. When I overslept again four months later (Damn, even a Big Ben alarm clock didn't do the trick) no one said a word. Hmmm, fake money, real money, a whiff of it can still change your lot in life, and the way you look at it.

And the way the "family" looks at you.

FutureWriter101
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RE: Late-for-Work Excuse - 3/16

Postby FutureWriter101 » Wed Mar 17, 2010 11:27 am

Monkies and Porcupines
Mr. Shamberleney glared at me, like I was a robber. Or a tiger about to eat him. I stared straight in his black eyes, my eyes challenging him. Most of the workers at the Neverlin Zoo were scared of him, but I wasn't. Courage is not something you can be taught, you have to have it. And I have it.

"Explain why you are late!" the man spat at me.

"I have a very good reason." I told him. I didn't. My reason was I overslept. That wasn't good enough. Good thing I could easily lie and tell stories. His eyes lit up, just for a seond, and he hissed at me to talk.
"As you know Mr. Shamberleney, I work with the primates. Well, last night I was working the night shift," I began. so far, it was true. I had been working the night shifdt last night, and worked with the primates.
The black-haired man nodded at me to continue.

"Well, I went in to feed one of them. You know Bassin? Well he went beserk," my bosse's eyebrows raised. Bassin was the gorilla, usually calm and well-trained.

"I don't know why sir. He ran up to attack me and when I went to get one of the traparz guns to stop him, he jumped on me and bit my arm." Traparz guns shocked the animal when it went beserk. Good thing we have them for gorillas. And good thing my dog, Bongo, bit me last night. I rolled up my sleeve to reveal a long red bite mark. Mr. Shamberleney glanced at it, his cold gaze softening just a tiny bit. I continued.

"I managed to get him off and shock him. Just as I was opening the door to leave, the other guys slpped out. I had to chase them around the zoo." it was really easy to lie now.

" They went staight for the porcupine habitat. And sir, it needs to be glassed now, as you know, before it wasn't. Well, it turns out Rose and Shamark went there and....jumped into the porcupine habitat. It was chaos from there on. I had to call my husband to help me. Eventually we got the animals back in their own cages. And it was 3 when I finally was on the road. Of course, just then there had to be a huge car crash. I was home at 6, showered and ate. I left at 8 and there was still the morning traffic going on. So that's why I'm late sir. "I finished, ending it with an exhausted sigh.

My boss was silent. For one minute. Two. Three. Four. Five. Ten. Finally he spoke.
"Jane, I believe you. Go home, get some rest. But tomorrow you better be here on time, or I'll fire you." he said, snapping at the end of the sentence. Amusement and amazement bellowing in my chest, I nodded, and thanked him. He shooed me away and I went to my car. 30 minutes later, I was at home sleeping.

Dreaming of monkies, porcupines and Mr. Shamberleney.


I hope you like it!! I do!!
~FutureWriter~

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