Job Description of Your Most Boring Job 08/08-08/14

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Steve
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RE: Job Description of Your Most Boring Job 08/08-08/14

Postby Steve » Wed Aug 09, 2006 3:10 pm

Seeking semi-motivated, self-depreciating individuals for a ballbusting, demeaning adventure-packed travel schedule. Meet other uninteresting ne'er-do-wells as you fight tooth and nail for the glory of proving your gut-busting appetite for exotic foods exceeds the limits of human believability. Projectile vomiting a plus. Contact Fear Factor at blah, blah, blah...

screenmom
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RE: Job Description of Your Most Boring Job 08/08-08/14

Postby screenmom » Wed Aug 09, 2006 6:07 pm

A special position for a special person.

We have immediate openings available for self-starting, anal-retentive, neurotic perfectionists. A basic knowledge of the English alphabet and numbers 0-10 preferred but not required. The perfect candidate must joyously retrieve and replace unnecessary reference books for the staff, thrill at the sight of alphabetized novels and sing the praises of the Dewey Decimal System (to the tune of "Oh, Susannah"). We will provide all qualified candidates with high-level, technical training in shooing amorous teens out of the stacks and picking up after herds of destructive, germ-ridden toddlers. We also offer paid workshops in looking annoyed while shushing people and the ever popular, re-booting the smutty spam filter on the computer network. Candidates must be able to pass a physical dexterity test involving hard cover copies of Colleen McCullough novels placed on the upper shelves. Steel toed boots a must, the woman writes by the pound. Salary commensurate with experience. Please send resumes and work experience to your local public library, but keep your voices down.

merrilar
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Most Boring Job

Postby merrilar » Thu Aug 10, 2006 7:45 am

Highly motivated, multi-tasking person who does not really have to take lunch, but is willing to put in a ten-plus hour day at our law firm. Responsibilities include working for a senior partner whose main concern is what time his youngest daughter will call, dictaphone, listening to chronic office gossip and not getting upset when the office nut-case breaks into your interoffice e-mail. Back-stabbing is preferred, but not necessary if you can rise above it. Edcuation: The mentality of the office staff is kindergarten, so we would appreciate it if you have graduated from elementary school to eventually train for the Office Manager's Position (she's headed for a breakdown!)

JohnOBX
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RE: Job Description of Your Most Boring Job 08/08-08/14

Postby JohnOBX » Fri Aug 11, 2006 7:29 pm

Are you looking for a job that offers security, high salary and variety?  Well look no further than the opening at your local Pizza Hut for preparation professional.  Variety:  Have you seen how many different toppings we offer?  You never make the same pizza twice! (in ten minutes) Salary:  In one day you'll earn more than the average worker anywhere else (in China, India or Sudan) Security:  Have you seen how dangerous the world is?  You will never be asked to fly anywhere as part of your job!  If your store gets robbed, a deep dish pan will deflect anything up to a .45 round (if thrown at you...pizza hut deep dish pan pizza pans will not stop rounds fired from an actual gun no purchase necessary some assembly required batteries not included)

--John


Roseblood
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RE: Job Description of Your Most Boring Job 08/08-08/14

Postby Roseblood » Mon Dec 18, 2006 2:12 pm

Enjoy science? Have a great sense of humor? Want to work in a casual environment? How about sexing boll weevils? You'll be the envy of all your friends as you regale them with stories of your exciting, ground-breaking work at the MSU Boll Weevil Research Laboratory!
1. Earn top dollar! (You get FULL minimum wage, buddy!)
2. Have fun! (Your co-workers will laugh the first time a live weevil crawls into your bra or panties.)
3. Relax in a casual atmosphere! (After the first dozen undie interlopers, you'll fish out the offender right in front of everybody without even excusing yourself to go to the bathroom.)
4. Enjoy working closely alongside friendly co-workers! (Your microscope is 12" from the next one in the double row of microscopes.)
5. Jeans encouraged! (If you wear anything but jeans, your butt will stick to the hard, metal chair. Besides, the microscope lights are hot, the building must be kept warm for the bugs, and you'll sweat right through normal clothing.)
6. Sleep better after a rewarding day at work! (After staring down at boll weevil snouts on a slide all day, you'll be near-blind and unable to do anything BUT close your eyes.)
7. Commune with nature as you challenge yourself! (Translation: They're counting how many you sex. There's a quota and a double-check for false sexing. Further, you must--
a. scoop up live boll weevils with your bare hands, because gloves would squash them. Ignore the spiders that sneak into the jar sometimes. They're usually not poisonous.
b. hold each squirming buggie on the slide and examine its snout--long and smooth is female; short and hairy is male...or is it the other way around?
c. Put the females in one jar; the males in another. Only the males see the field, because both sexes are attracted to the males, while only the males are attracted to the females.)

P.S. : I quit after one day and went to another part of the lab, where I "got to" scoop up great handfuls of live weevils while standing all day on a hard concrete floor. I fainted only once. Great summer job...for only one summer.

lastwrites
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RE: Job Description of Your Most Boring Job 08/08-08/14

Postby lastwrites » Mon Dec 18, 2006 2:59 pm

Are you longing for change? Want cold hard cash in your pocket?

Get in the fast lane to Toll collecting! In no time at all you'll be pulling in wads of coin, hand over fist. Meet interesting people in luxury automobiles. Almost daily, you'll be engaged in conversations like " No it's a dollar eighty, not eighty cents… you moron... sheesh, go back to Delaware!" Or "Hello...here's your change...goodbye." learn to enjoy every mundane moment, your life has to offer. If you love the outdoors, but also appreciate the confines of an elevator, then grab your ticket to success.


elliemae1956
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RE: Job Description of Your Most Boring Job 08/08-08/14

Postby elliemae1956 » Sun Jan 07, 2007 8:17 am

Wanted: someone who can stare at the binding of books for hours on end, trying to figure out where in the cavernous depths of the library they're supposed to go. Well, it certainly wasn't me! As much as I love to read, putting hundreds of books back where they belong just wasn't exciting enough. But because it was a work-study program, I had to suck it up. Yaaaawwn.... :(

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