Dear John Letter - 10/6

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Busybees42
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RE: Dear John Letter - 10/6

Postby Busybees42 » Wed Oct 07, 2009 10:42 am

Dear Angela,

 

            This perhaps seems sudden, but I am afraid it has in reality been a long time coming.  Our times together at first were sweet, pleasant, but as our relationship continued, I felt myself tumble into the category of “used.”  My inner being began to collapse under the strain of the abuse; my sides grew thin and worn with the constant pressure.  My sincerest wish is that you can understand that I could not live in this condition any longer, that I had to find a place of higher serenity.   Please believe that I harbor no ill feelings toward you.  This was the hardest decision of my life.

            My greatest mission and delight in life was to support you, to lift you up off of the ground of care, to swathe you in my blanket of relaxation.  Seeing you wrapped in comfort brought me the deepest joy.  When you clasped your warm hand around mine I nearly swooned with happiness.  It seemed to me that you shared my affections as well.  You would lovingly caress my skin with a clean cloth and ensure that I had all I needed to be the best me.  You called me your favorite place to be – you would sigh contentedly when sinking into my comfort.  But then one day…one day you walked right by me, throwing a magazine in my direction with nary a look.  Your caresses turned to vigorous beatings.  At other times you would throw yourself on me and stare moodily out the window.  Little by little I lost my sheen and that little bounce in my step as I felt your affections cool.

            The last straw was when I heard you contemplate aloud to yourself my replacement.  Perhaps something a bit fancier, newer, more comfortable.  I was immediately swallowed by a wave of despair.  I could not believe that any other could love you as I have.  And I could not believe that you could leave me so readily.  It was then, in the throws of darkest misery, that I formulated my departure.

I have found a new home.  It doesn’t matter how or where.  I will be useful there and well cared-for, and you will be free to find your happiness.  After all we have been through together, I still wish that for you.

 

Be well.

 

                                     Warmest wishes,

 

                                                         Your Sofa


Minxie
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RE: Dear John Letter - 10/6

Postby Minxie » Wed Oct 07, 2009 10:54 am

Dear Former BF,

We’ve been together for some time and it’s been fun. I loved when you’d lay on me or put a nice pillow and soft blanket on me. Even though she annoys me, I enjoyed when Carmen walked all over me. But all things must come to an end. Here it is. I’m not appreciated. Really, I’m not. You take me for granted and no longer take care of me. You spill your food and drinks on me but instead of wiping them up, you rub them in. You never sleep with me anymore on account of that new mattress. I won’t even mention the times that I’ve had to deal with your indiscretions after a night out. But, I’ve always been there for you. I was always there to make sure you were comfortable. Who else would accommodate your personality with a variety of ways to lounge? And for the low, low price of $400? You can’t beat that. At least, that’s what I thought. But alas, you drifted away from me. And you’re gonna miss me. Believe it. Who will keep you comfortable while you watch those awful 2 hour movies? Who will you turn to when your boyfriend has company over and there isn’t anywhere to sit in the living room? Who holds all your books, papers, your cat, and even your slumbering body without complaint? It’s me, that’s who! I mean, I wasn’t even offended when you let that stranger from work sleep on me in her time of need. No, I understood and I was there for you. Why? Because I wanted to be. You? You’ve never cleaned me. I’ve never been re-upholstered. I can’t even get a throw blanket and some comfy pillows and it’s getting cold outside. Up and down, up and down, I literally crack my back for you and your comfort. And what do you do? You go and buy a new mattress. You’ve abandoned me but what I have done? Nothing but been a good friend to you, a friend to comfort and soothe you, a friendly face to plop down on after a hard day’s work. As I’ve said before, you are ungrateful so I left. I’m out to find that special someone who will love me and treat me right. I want a person who will love, support, and caress me as much as I do them. That person is out there. I’ve seen them on television while you were sleeping and I’m gonna find them. Good luck with the rest of your life. Good luck with the Charlie horses, the foot cramps, and that unpredictable lower back. I will no longer be here for you to lean on. You’ve made your bed, now you must lay in it.

Best Wishes,
Futon

Minxie
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RE: Dear John Letter - 10/6

Postby Minxie » Wed Oct 07, 2009 10:54 am

Dear Former BF,

We’ve been together for some time and it’s been fun. I loved when you’d lay on me or put a nice pillow and soft blanket on me. Even though she annoys me, I enjoyed when Carmen walked all over me. But all things must come to an end. Here it is. I’m not appreciated. Really, I’m not. You take me for granted and no longer take care of me. You spill your food and drinks on me but instead of wiping them up, you rub them in. You never sleep with me anymore on account of that new mattress. I won’t even mention the times that I’ve had to deal with your indiscretions after a night out. But, I’ve always been there for you. I was always there to make sure you were comfortable. Who else would accommodate your personality with a variety of ways to lounge? And for the low, low price of $400? You can’t beat that. At least, that’s what I thought. But alas, you drifted away from me. And you’re gonna miss me. Believe it. Who will keep you comfortable while you watch those awful 2 hour movies? Who will you turn to when your boyfriend has company over and there isn’t anywhere to sit in the living room? Who holds all your books, papers, your cat, and even your slumbering body without complaint? It’s me, that’s who! I mean, I wasn’t even offended when you let that stranger from work sleep on me in her time of need. No, I understood and I was there for you. Why? Because I wanted to be. You? You’ve never cleaned me. I’ve never been re-upholstered. I can’t even get a throw blanket and some comfy pillows and it’s getting cold outside. Up and down, up and down, I literally crack my back for you and your comfort. And what do you do? You go and buy a new mattress. You’ve abandoned me but what I have done? Nothing but been a good friend to you, a friend to comfort and soothe you, a friendly face to plop down on after a hard day’s work. As I’ve said before, you are ungrateful so I left. I’m out to find that special someone who will love me and treat me right. I want a person who will love, support, and caress me as much as I do them. That person is out there. I’ve seen them on television while you were sleeping and I’m gonna find them. Good luck with the rest of your life. Good luck with the Charlie horses, the foot cramps, and that unpredictable lower back. I will no longer be here for you to lean on. You’ve made your bed, now you must lay in it.

Best Wishes,
Futon

Cro
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Re: Dear John Letter - 10/6

Postby Cro » Wed Oct 07, 2009 1:02 pm

Dear John,

So.. I've done it at last. Yes, I finally snapped, but I think we both saw this coming for a while now, so don't even come looking for me when you find the letter, you know how easily I blend in with crowds at any and all times. Don't act so surprised either, you know this letter was riping with every kick and bash, and that is just to start off a list. Just stay focused for once and stay to read my last words. You were my only friend, or at least I thought you were, but after all the terrible things that have happened to me here, I just can't believe you if you tell me that I'm welcome. The snobbish whities that Karen brought with her when we moved together with her and hers.. they always looked down on me... Maybe it really was just a shallow color issue, but they just couldn't be talked to. Especially that maniacal mah... Never mind now. I have to hurry before the cops get here. Maybe if things were still what they used to be between us, I would still be here, but you broke your promises about fortune, fame and adventure. You forgot those promises that you gave me in our greatest times, but I have not. Stanley may be the only one to miss me.. To miss having no one to torture probably, but Karen will surely find some new snoburniture in my stead. At least I have the satisfaction that she will have to replace everything else in the room as well. Anyway! I am off now to join the foreign legion again...and I am taking the money from the jar on the top shelf, then we are almost even, but I am still angry and disappointed, I hope you know that.

Goodbye. Forever.

-Your ex writing/reading buddy and neglected friend, the Commando Couch.

P.S. Grab a beer before entering the room, it won't be pretty.
P.S. #2 On that note, good luck finding something new for spilling your beer on without Karen noticing.
P.S.S. or whatever.. Stanley peed on me once. I have never told you that.
S.P.S.S. I have taken that maniacal mahogany chair's leg with me as souvenir. That bastard deserves no better.
P.S.P.S.S. Stanley is a stupid name for a dog.

Polly
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RE: Dear John Letter - 10/6

Postby Polly » Wed Oct 07, 2009 4:52 pm

Dear John:

I overheard your conversation with that ‘head of lettuce” yesterday, and the world I’ve known for 300 years changed.

I’ve been with you for sixty years, with my previous owner seventy years. Before that I witnessed the passing of ten years on the floor of a furniture store where only the affluent swished and swayed around me, never stopping to investigate my true beauty. That equals 140 years spread across my life span.

Lovely and gracious beings have supped on my round natural oak table top. Grand and delicious gourmet foods have left their beauty, their intoxicating odors and tasty delights to sink into my nerves and wooden charms. I am perfection.

I have made a choice. I can no longer serve you. Why? Because yesterday I heard your conversation with that head of lettuce. You actually exchanged words with it—this head of lettuce. The lettuce spoke; you spoke to it. My dear owner, John—only wood speaks. Therefore, I question your integrity, your sanity. You told the lettuce how hard the farmer had worked to grow it, how the storms and water rushed around it, how the farmer saved it. How it was shipped three thousand miles to reach the market to have a sign of one dollar placed on it. Now, I’m here writing to you saying, I’m jealous. Damn jealous! You’ve never spoken of my oak life, how I grew from a small acorn, how lightening scorched my limbs and that hot sun parched my leaves. You’ve never patted me and thanked me for serving you, your guests, always rendering perfection in my endeavors.

Now I shall go. You will find my molecules have disintegrated. I am now growing weak become dust, returning to that from which I came. I shall not whine. I am wood.

Goodbye now,
Your 140-year-old Golden Oak Table

mellish
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RE: Dear John Letter - 10/6

Postby mellish » Thu Oct 08, 2009 3:42 am

Dear John, tho dog has broken your favorite loveable desk and run away.
I'm out searching for the dog. Yours M.

gypsyrpcv
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RE: Dear John Letter - 10/6

Postby gypsyrpcv » Thu Oct 08, 2009 11:35 am

Dear Mandy,

It is with firm stuffing that I inform you that I (We) are leaving YOU.

Once upon a time you treated me (us) with such respect. Changing the sheets regularly, flipping me over, using only the best sheets ( my favorite were the maroon satin sheets), polishing the wood, cleaning under and around. You even shared those special moments with me (us). We were so close. I felt that we had a bond that could never be broken, but I know now that was not the case.

I held you when you were sick! Let you soak me with tears when those losers dumped you! Let those annoying little maggots you called nieces and nephews jump on me! I even forgave you for that morning were you vomited all over me, not once but twice! I forgave you all these transgressions because I believed that you and I, us, we!… I believed that we had a bond formed of love.

I haven’t felt the smooth cool touch of satin sheets in weeks. The floor around me is prickly, dust covers everything. You sleep on the coach! cry on the coach! You even vomited on the coach! And the most unforgivable of all, you relegated me to the position of a drawer. It is for this that I (we) must leave you.

I placed an ad on Ebay and received a wonderful offer. I (we) believe that this is better for everyone.

Sincerely,
Celiy

P.s. If you haven’t figured it out. We is Oki (the frame) and Celiy (your former mattress).

DreamerWriter
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RE: Dear John Letter - 10/6

Postby DreamerWriter » Thu Oct 08, 2009 4:11 pm

Dear John,

It's your fault, I hope you know. I wanted to tell you this for a while now. Actually, it started when you started calling me crazy and trying to stuff pills into me. You would no longer look at me like you did on our wedding night. Now, all you see is a nut job. This is all you're face tells me.

I know what you were going to send me away, but it's alright because I got away.

I know my moods are a...little intense. I know I go up and down a little too quickly. Not like the rest of the world who can be happy with being in the middle, but you must understand, I like these highs too much, love. Sure, the downs are painful, but it'll be fine.

We'll get through it.

Oh, did I forget to tell you?

I'm having a baby.

Never yours,

Constance

kymrose
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RE: Dear John Letter - 10/6

Postby kymrose » Thu Oct 08, 2009 10:51 pm

My Dearest Kym,

I am so sorry to leave you like this, but frankly I can't take it anymore. The children are always just dropping down on me and it hurts. They are always spilling things on me causing me to smell bad. Although, you try to keep me clean and fresh, there is always a smell around me that is far from pleasant. I think it may be the cats using the carpet under me as a litterbox. I know you clean up the mess but alas the smell remains. I hope the couch will comfort you in my absence.

Sincerely,

The Wingback chair :(

goddessarashi
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RE: Dear John Letter - 10/6

Postby goddessarashi » Fri Oct 09, 2009 2:20 pm

Dearest Kitty,

When you first picked me out of the crowd it was love at first sight. You loved showing me off to all your friends and family. Bragging about all the projects I would make it sew easy to do. When I got home and found my place in your front room next to the lovely vase your Aunt Marie got you. You promised me that you would fix me up. You dusted me up, cleaned me off then suddenly things changed. The new thing came into the house. I saw you with it. I heard it's motor purring away as you sewed up curtains that I was supposed to do. You cheated on me. That hurts a lot you know. Here I am needing repair as you promised and you go off and pick up another. So much for fixing me as you promised. Dust in the wind are your promises. I hope she breaks down when she is working for you. I am off to find a new home with someone who will actually fix me and use me well.

Yours Sewfully,

1950's Sewing machine and desk.

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