You Can't Name Your Baby That! - 7/14

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You Can't Name Your Baby That! - 7/14

Postby Brian » Tue Jul 14, 2009 4:35 am

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You Can't Name Your Baby That! - 7/14

Postby Brian » Tue Jul 14, 2009 4:35 am

You and your spouse welcome a beautiful baby into your lives and, after going round and round on names, you choose one that's very unusual. Write a scene where you announce the name to your family. Include their reaction and your explanation for choosing such an odd name.

Please limit your response to 500 words or fewer.

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RE: You Can't Name Your Baby That! - 7/14

Postby scarletscribe » Tue Jul 14, 2009 11:14 am

“Hey everyone.” Jeronda and I have finally decided on a name for our baby. Since we both have unusual names, we decided to combine them for the baby and give him a middle name from both of our grandfathers. Please meet Jernickle Ambrosius Vanderprodan.”

“Jerwhatickle? You can’t name a baby that! Jeronda, as your father I demand you name that baby something sensible like we did. After all, Jerry and Rhonda combined into a beautiful name. But Jeronda and Pilnickle just do not go together.”

Oh, Jeronda! I’m sure you meant well but you simply have to name that baby more prudently. Just think what the kids at school will call him as he grows up.”

“Pilnickle, I’m so proud of you. What a wonderful name and you stuck to your family roots. You make a father proud to call you son and I’m even prouder to call Jernickle my grandson.”

“I’m so glad you chose your grandfather’s name for Jernickle’s middle name. I always loved my father-in-law and believed he lived up to the meaning of his name. He always seemed divine to me.”

“Whoa! This is not open for discussion. We decided on the name and that is that,” Pilnickle said amid the chaos that was breaking out around him.

He watched Jeronda’s dad push his father as the two mothers engaged in a hair pulling fracas. The two fathers began slugging at each other much to his dismay. “Stop it. Stop it right now. This is no way for grandparents to act in front of their first grandchild.”

He strode over to the grandmothers and pulled them apart with Jeronda”s help. “Sit down and shut up. Jeronda, see that they don’t move or speak.”

He placed himself sideways between the grandfathers and pushed each with an arm so they were forced to stop swinging. “Go sit down with your wives and listen to me. I don’t understand what all the fighting is about. We intended to call him Ambrosius all along and you all like that name. Now, apologize and take turns holding your grandson as long as you don’t fight over who gets to hold him.”

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Re: You Can't Name Your Baby That! - 7/14

Postby shadowcat » Tue Jul 14, 2009 11:56 am

“He’s beautiful.”

After a silence of almost half an hour my mother finally spoke, and a smile broke out over my face. I wrapped her in my arms and we hugged for what seemed like an age.

“Yes, good on you,” my father said gruffly, showing that eccentric old ‘pip-pip’ attitude that he was so famous for. “Well done, old girl.” I laughed slightly, and caught my face in the mirror behind him. My face was still fresh with the glow of pregnancy but my eyes had a brand new shimmer to them.

“Now, we have a sort of announcement to make.” My fiancée, Michael, said, coming from the kitchen with an open bottle of champagne. “We’ve finally decided what to call him.”

All around the table of elderly relatives a sense of wonder and excitement filled the air and I smiled at Michael as he carefully picked our newborn baby up and held him in his arms.

“Did you go with Edward?” my aunt asked, unable to keep it in, her frail hands clasped over a handkerchief. My family was so terribly English; it always embarrassed me in front of Michael.

“No,” I admitted. Her pale face fell, and I immediately felt as guilty as I knew I would. Michael placed a hand gently on my shoulder.

“We thought we’d be a little different,” he said brightly.

There was a collective stony silence from around the table as my family realised that the worst had in fact happened: my fiancée’s influence had finally taken me over, and I was going to have a weird family. I couldn’t help but smile.

“But Edward is the family name,” my mother stammered.

“And you still have Ed to carry it on,” I said, referring to my brother. My mother blanched and looked at her hands, the same she always did when any reference was made to him. It hadn’t always been like that, of course; it only started when he came out to her. I was surprised that she hadn’t noticed sooner, to be honest.

But here I was, a perfect child in their eyes, and they could even overlook Michael’s odd habits and manner, because they thought it could have been worse, or that I wouldn’t be too far influenced by it. Here I was, and I was about to unleash a bombshell on them. It made my pulse speed up, but not out of fear. I had been the good daughter for far too long, and I had always envied my brother for having the perfect way to irritate my parents.

“It’s not that bad,” Michael assured them, but his eyes were twinkling in a way that always used to madden me.

“Well what is it?” my mother snapped.

“Topaz,” I said.

“But that’s…” my father protested, standing up. I beckoned for him to sit.

“I know,” I said, “but I thought it was the perfect way to remember him.”

“You can’t do it, Jennifer,” my mother said, actual tears forming in her eyes. “You can’t name your baby after your dead dog. It’s too cruel.”

Result, I thought, as the ladies in my family swooned and the men grumbled away to themselves. By my side, Michael spotted a little bib on the floor with ‘Edward’ embroidered in blue silk, and kicked it under the table.

I could have my ten seconds of triumph over this family. But ten seconds was enough.

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Naming Baby

Postby crybbe666 » Tue Jul 14, 2009 1:01 pm

Mother and Father had arrived to see the new baby. My wife Ostkaalkaluvilee and I had become parents for the first time and my parents had arrived on the first available star-jumper.
"So, tell us, darling, what have you decided to call your child?"
I took a deep breathe, realising that this wasn't going to go too well. "We have decided to call him Bob."
A look of bemusement quickly turned to shock, then horror as my mother sat up straight in her chair. I could feel the tidal wave of disgust hit me before she even said a thing.
"Pavilylo Paleeonaloloonapaso, in the name of all that is sacred in the Five Worlds, what were you thinking? That's not a name for a Skurantariag. Where did you come up with a name like...Bob?" I could see the disappointment in my father's face, but he was smart enough to stay out of the argument and let Mother deal with it.
"Mother Paleeonaloloonapaso, Pavilylo and I decided long ago that if we were to breed, we were going to break the tradition of many centuries and name our children simply. The amount of time taken just signing in to each Stardock is incredible and we thought that this was the best way to go, with his future in mind."
Father stood up, and with an almost imperceptible nod of his head, Mother quickly followed, but she couldn't resist one parting shot.
"Bob? BOB? He will be ridiculed his whole life. I hope you are both happy with yourselves."

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Re: You Can't Name Your Baby That! - 7/14

Postby razor1971 » Tue Jul 14, 2009 1:45 pm

So what's in a name? Well I believe a hell of a lot.Me and my wife have thrusted into each other's minds;names like Tyler,Cody and Trevor,and we've even thought about naming him after my father John.But as noble as that would be;there's just too many John's in the world.We're looking for something original.Something that will stand out.

My wife just delivered a couple of hours ago.I kiss her on the lips and stroke her forehead while asking her how she is feeling.I know! Dumb question.But this is what pops into my deliriously happy mind at the time.Exuberant and exhausted she gives a weak smile that let's me know how she is feeling.I lean over the bed rail of the hospital bed and whisper in her ear..."I think that I've found a name for him."

I tell her the name that I've come up with and she says,"Yeah I like it! I like it a lot.It's different but noble.Strong and insightful.So we finally have agreed on this," She says to me with a wink. "But what will our families think about the name?"

"We're about to find out now." I say as I walk out the door on the way to the Maternity Ward waiting room.

I walk into the room and my sister,father and mother-in-law are there.My sister with her eye's popping out of her head,staring intensely;this is her usual look of excitement.Dad is sitting down with a adorable,but goofy smile on his face;while patting his feet on the floor.These are a couple of things that he does when he is anticipating some news.Ms.Allen is sitting next to him wringing her hands nervously.The same way she did when me and Mary were standing at the alter.

My sister says,"So what did you name him?"

"We named him Truth."

"You named him what?"

"You heard me correctly.We named him Truth."

She gives a enthusiastic "That's different" trying to cover up the bewildered look that's on her face.

Ms.Allen has that blank stare on her face.The one that she gets,as if someone has just read her the Chinese alphabet in reverse.

Dad stutters and says,"Aah...aah...aah Truth."

"Yeah dad Truth.You and mom...god rest her soul,taught us to be honest with ourselves and others.You guys would tell us to look people in the eyes while talking to them.You guys taught us to look into the mirror,and like what we see of ourselves.You guys taught us that our words are our bond.And Ms.Allen I know that these are the same virtues that you have instilled in Mary.That's one of the reason's why we married each other."

After saying this,my sister still has the same bewildered look on her face.But my father and mother-in-law look at each other curiously for a few seconds;then they look back at me with a smile and say at the same time,in a sincere way, "That's a nice name."

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Re: You Can't Name Your Baby That! - 7/14

Postby LadyDi » Tue Jul 14, 2009 5:25 pm

Parents, at last we were parents. After years of waiting, hoping and praying we at long last had a beautiful baby girl. For months we had discussed, dissected, researched, and poured through countless baby name books for the perfect moniker for our precious darling. A boy’s name had been a no brainer. My husband and I agreed we would name our son David William, a name I had liked since childhood and Allen wholeheartedly concurred.

But we could not seem to come to terms with a proper name for a darling little girl. I liked simple cute names like Molly, Grace, and Betsey. Or even something more ancient and Celtic sounding like Gwendolyn, Morgan or Brynn. He, on the other hand preferred trendy names like Jennifer, Brandy, Nikki and Katie. But having been a teacher for ten years I had my fill of all those names.

No, for our precious one only something truly unique, truly special was required, and we both had to agree - that was the clincher. I felt like a failure as a parent to leave the hospital with a child bearing the arm band “baby girl Gibson.” I had failed to give my child a name. While all the other babies left the hospital nursery bearing fine names like Gregory Andrew, Tucker Brandon, Rebecca Francis, my tiny little girl wrapped so snuggly in her pink receiving blanket was a nameless waif lost and forgotten.

I made it my mission to find a suitable name, something truly unique, one no one on either side of the family could claim as a namesake, but this was easier said than done. With each of us coming from large families with a plethora of girls on either side all other decent sounding names had been already taken. The last thing I wanted was to hear at every family gathering, “Oh there’s my little Mary, she was named for me you know,” or “how’s my precious namesake Judy?” Nope, it had to be something really different but not too different. Or could it?

The day had come to introduce our new daughter, the newest Gibson to the family. After four weeks of searching through name books, internet and unsolicited suggestions from well meaning family and friends, we at long last bestowed a name upon our child. Now the moment had come to tell our family. So at a Sunday barbecue to celebrate our daughter’s birth we announced that our child born on May 11 would bear her birth date as her name.

Thus Eleventha Mae, or Ellie Mae for short, had arrived. To say that the family was shocked would be an understatement. Uncle Herikimer nearly dropped his plate of barbeque, Aunt Petunia almost spilled a pitcher of tea over Grandpa Erv’s head and little cousin Winifred stifled a giggle as her mother pinched her. But everyone welcomed our little Ellie Mae with open arms and unconditional love. No matter what her name she was family.

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RE: You Can't Name Your Baby That! - 7/14

Postby kparsons901 » Tue Jul 14, 2009 7:15 pm

At the hospital, Melanie asked the typical question to my wife.
“So it’s going to be a boy, right Mom? What are you and Dad going to name him?”
Laurie Smith smiled at me as she nursed the tiny baby. I replied, “We wanted to name him something different. Especially since our last name is so common. I have struggled with that my entire life, being named Bob Smith. But what is different? In the 60’s they named their children Rainbow, God, Cloud, everything. But we came up with a new name that no one has ever named their baby before.”
Laurie held her hand out to me. “Bob, please get a pencil and paper and I’ll show them.” I walked over to the dresser and came back with a pencil and paper. Writing the name down, she passed the paper to Melanie. She looked at it and frowned. She handed it to her right, and so on until the entire family had read the name. The paper read;
An uncomfortable pause ensued.
“You don’t have a name yet?” Twelve year old Steve asked.
“Yes!” Laurie smiled and pointed, “That’s it. Question mark.”
“Question Mark. So the baby’s name is Question Mark Smith.” Mary, Laurie’s sister stated flatly.
“Yes.” Laurie held up the paper. “See? With a name like Smith, nothing is unusual. Someone else always has the name. But not this one. And,” she added, “No one will misspell it. It’s only one letter.”
“Very nice,” Bill remarked sarcastically, nodding to Mary.
“And,” Laurie sat back on the couch, “We can call him Mark for short.”
“Well, that’s a bit better,” Mary replied.
“So his name is Question Mark Smith, is that right?” Bill asked.
“No, that’s his first name only,” I interjected.
“So what’s his middle name?” Mary asked. She looked a little frightened.
“Question Mark Colon Smith,” Bill stated flatly.
“How do you spell it?” Mary asked.
“Very simply,” Laurie replied, “Hand me the paper.”

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Re: You Can't Name Your Baby That! - 7/14

Postby Neets » Wed Jul 15, 2009 4:08 am

I enjoyed all of these entries.
The Bob story - LOL - that was great!

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Re: You Can't Name Your Baby That! - 7/14

Postby BingoBill » Wed Jul 15, 2009 5:38 am

She was still exhausted from labor and in pain from the partial episiotomy. “I told you, no biblical names.”
“But hon,” I was all smiles, my third son was healthy and fat, “We have a Luke and a Mathew, why not continue?”
She looked me in the eye and declared, “Your family might think it’s great. My parents might like it but I want something different! Now go away and let me sleep…”
I decided to humor her for the moment, “Different how? Mathias? Jonah? Moon unit? Blanket?” I was being facetious and she knew it, and it pissed her off. She was not as rebellious as she imagined and would come around in a day or two.
I thought of all the possibilities, the casually popular names that had come into fashion these last few years. Walking past the glass enclosed nursery I spotted several Dylans, a pair of Ahleys and other ‘radical’ names which I’m sure struck their parents as unique or hip for the moment but would become commonplace. Keep it simple that was my motto. Give the boys a name that would be normal, easily remembered and real. I envisioned their futures and didn’t want them saddled with some bizarre title which would shame them as they grew.
My parents were in the waiting room with an armful of gifts for their new descendent, hers not far behind what with the traffic as it is.
“What did you name him?” my dad was all business.
“Does he have Carol’s eyes?”
“Mom, his eyes are still closed, he’s a baby.”
“Oh. What did you name him?”
“We have yet to agree on a name. Give us time.”
A nurse approached with some forms to sign. I glanced at the usual medical jargon and then stopped cold at the declaration form and the name Carol had chosen in my absence.
Rushing into the room I declared, “Why? Is this some kind of joke?”
My wife smiled her most devilish grin as our son latched on her breast, “You said you wanted a biblical name so I chose one. The law says it’s really the mother’s prerogative.”
I was speechless.
“They won’t even baptize him with a name like that,”shouting, “What were you thinking?”
“Louis is a fine name honey. The rest will be our secret.”
Her mother arrived to diffuse the tension with a squeal, “Ohhhh there’s my grandson! And you named him Louis! That was my favorite uncle’s name!”
And so Louis it became. A dark haired urchin who would grow up to become Louey, but we both knew his real name. His secret name and six weeks later when the priest anointed his forehead I cringed as he pronounced him Louis Cypher, named for the Archangel of God and fallen general of a third of God’s army.


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