Envy - 6/23

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Re: Envy - 6/23

Postby N.Chaos » Thu Dec 02, 2010 10:02 pm

I wish I didn’t envy Her so much. How ironic it is, to envy someone that I hate almost as much as you. Ironic and pathetic, but envy never seems to be a pleasant or reasonable emotion. I find myself wishing that I had half the power over you that she does; the ability to shatter you with a single sentence, the capacity to say anything to your face and watch your confidence break into a thousand, pitiful pieces. I’ve envied her since the day you came home, practically dragging those chains behind you, the weight of her poop unicorns and rainbows and torment on you all but visible.

What I wouldn’t give for a fraction of that control, that power, that inexplicable cruelty. Years ago, if I could’ve had you to myself I would’ve treated you like a treasure, would have died for the excuse to say “He’s with me” to anyone I wished. Now, I only dream of seeing you hurt in any and every possible way.

Call it bitterness, call it inability to cope, call it a deep-running sense of indignation. Whatever you name it, it doesn’t change the fact that I hate her for having the one thing I never could.

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Re: Envy - 6/23

Postby sns3guppy » Thu Dec 09, 2010 9:18 am

“I wish I didn’t envy Roger so much.” Said Mike, staring through the rose he slowly twirled in the fingers of his left hand. “I just can’t help it.”

“Don’t say that, Michael,” replied Susan. She placed her hands around his shoulders and drew him close enough to feel his stubble on her cheek. “You know that’s not right.”

“Yeah, maybe.” He replied, pulling back slightly. “But it’s how I feel, just the same.”

“You’ve got a lot going for you, Mike. You do. But this isn’t the time. You know what I mean?” Susan stared deeply into his eyes, searching.

“Uh-huh.” Mike shrugged. He knew what Susan meant, though he did truly envy Roger. She wouldn’t understand, he thought, surveying his polished shoe to keep from her piercing gaze. He scanned the room, already emptying, as other couples drifted toward the door. Mike shot a glance at Roger, over Susan’s shoulder, and winced. Who else but Roger could fill a room like this on a work day, without saying a word?

“Roger saved your life, honey.” Susan reminded him. “I wouldn’t have you here right now, if it wasn’t for Roger.” Michael saw her eye begin to mist, and pulled her to his shoulder. He softly patted the back of her head.

“I know, baby. I know. It was Roger that talked me out my trip, and if I’d gone, I wouldn’t be here.” Susan nodded quietly. Mike felt her tears through his thin shirt, and lifted her chin to stroke a warm trickle of wet from her face. “I know.” He said.

“Everyone’s going.” Susan said, gesturing to the nearly empty room. “We should, too.”

“You know, honey, I’m not sure I want to go. This is Roger’s day, and you saw how they were looking at me when I walked in. I don’t want to go to a luncheon and have people stare all afternoon.” Michael turned toward the door, but Susan held him.

“It’s polite, baby. Besides, you promised.”

“Hey, can’t we go for a drive, or something? I don’t feel like sitting in a stuffy room full of Rogers fans. They really hate me, you know.”

“They don’t hate you, Michael. It’s just too soon. You’ve got to go on living.” Susan kissed him softly, pausing for a long moment. Roger sighed. Susan always knew what to do, if not what to say.

“Maybe you’re right.” He said. “I’ll go, but if I get the evil eye, I’m not staying past drinks.”

Susan beamed. “That’s fair enough.”

“I do envy him all the same, though.” Mike said. “Give me a moment.” Susan nodded understandingly and stepped aside, as Mike quietly trudged over to Roger. He bowed his head silently for a moment, and then said “You took my place, man. I ought to be grateful, but I’m not. Good luck, and goodbye, pal.” He set the rose on Roger’s casket, and turned to walk away.

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Re: Envy - 6/23

Postby Hannah-Lynn » Tue Jan 04, 2011 12:18 pm

I wish I didn't envy the ignorant so much, but I can't help it. And that's the way it always goes, isn't it? The more you know, the more you wish you didn't. Eventually, the smarter learn to knock off the curiosity, drop the thirst for knowledge, and just find happiness in whatever you can. Some of us more idiotic people don't drop it and keep yearning to learn. Here's the thing about learning. Here's the big bad secret no teacher or professor or mentor will ever let you in on because, and this part is my personal opinion, they like to watch you squirm and suffer and go about it the hardest way you can.
The first half of the secret is that learning starts out innocent. It's a given. Innocent wanting, curiosity, needing to grow. But the really twisted part, the second half to this secret, the one nobody likes to give you a heads up on, is that learning always, always, Always will leak away from the innocent, the fun and harmless facts. And it will always, always, Always lead to an understanding or comprehension that will make you learn to hate. Whether it's to hate you or your life or someone or something else, or maybe even the world, to learn is to learn to hate. Because facts aren't meant for you to love or agree with. Facts are simply there to solidify what is only factual. And you will learn to hate those, too.
“Oh, for crap’s sake,” I muttered, ducking as another blade flew at my face, skimming my cheek to leave a little slice that had been aimed to take out my eye, and probably the brain behind it. I yanked the knife out of the wall behind me, where it had landed with unerring precision, and threw it back by its tip.
I heard the distinct click of another magazine being slammed home and dove to the side in time to dodge the round of automatic fire chasing me. I ducked and rolled, hitting my shoulder against the far wall and grunting.
“Why can’t we just kill these ones, again?” I shouted across the noise of three automatic rifles.
“Boss said no this time! Your body count is getting to high,” Cujo shouted back at me.
“No such thing!” I finally pulled my favorite hand gun, Seraph, and pulled off three shots before I had to duck back down. Two went into the shoulders of one of the I have a potty mouth with a rifle and the third hit the blonde woman in the thigh. She let out an angry screech that made me grin.
“Boss-man is gonna be pissed, Rissa! He wants them in one piece!”
“I thought he only said breathing!”
I got off another three rounds, one right next to the first hole in the blonde’s thigh, one in the shooting arm of the man with the second rifle and the third in his knee.
“Jackass!” I mocked, pulling out a flash grenade. Cujo’s eyes widened.
“Don’t do it, Rissa!”
“Hope you brought sunglasses, Cujo!”
I pulled mine down, special made for such purposes, and tossed it. I heard Cujo growl a curse before he tackled me to the floor as the grenade, tweaked by yours truly, burst on impact.

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RE: Envy - 6/23

Postby DeLaMer » Sun Jan 30, 2011 4:22 am

I wish I didn't envy Marina so much, but I can't help it.
She is thin, not too tall, and athletic with a hint of laziness (...OK, more than a hint, but she still manages to keep her physique in check.) She has arms that feel long but don't look it, always reaching for a hung from her friends. The girls in the locker room whisper about her, "You know she's going to be the one everyone likes in a year..."
She's pretty, though she thinks she isn't, with a jaw that makes her look cheeky and big hazel eyes covered by her purple glasses that she'll have to replace again for stronger ones this year. Both of her parents are artists and she's followed in heir footsteps, writing the strongest poems and novels I've ever seen, drawing the most beautiful people, painting anything she sets her mind to.
She's perfect, surrounded by friends who don't admire her as much as they should and admirers who don't know how great she is.
I wish I didn't envy Marina so much, but I just can't help it.


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