Envy - 6/23

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cookie.lexie
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Re: Envy - 6/23

Postby cookie.lexie » Sun Jul 05, 2009 6:34 pm

I wish I didn’t envy Jaid so much, but I can’t help it. It’s the way she looks, the clothes she wear, the lack of commonsense she has. Her friends, her foes, her sense of humor are what I desire most. She is my dearest friend, but deep inside I am filled with envy. She goes day by day with not a care in the world; I sure wish I could be like that.

She makes everyone laugh and smile until tears pour from their eyes. I want to be just like her but I don’t know exactly how. Maybe if I cut my hair or painted my nails black, people would see me as they see her. It’s not just that, though. Oh no, it is so much deeper. It is the way she thinks, the way she responds, the way she sees herself. She is happy with herself, she is tranquil, and she is who I so desperately want to be.

Is she really who I think she is? No. She is someone I thought was perfect, someone I looked up to and pushed myself to be like. Her personality is darker than your laundry room with the lights turned off and the door closed. I thought she was happy with herself and yet she is not at all. She constantly cuts her wrists and her legs, hoping God will take her away from all this misery. This misery I thought was surreal and exquisite.

I am happy with myself now. I love the way I blush at my neighbor when he talks to me. I love the way I comb my hair in the morning when it is a jumbled up mess. I love my hair, my personality, my room, my life, and more importantly……………………….ME!

tshorty
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RE: Envy - 6/23

Postby tshorty » Mon Jul 06, 2009 6:21 am

I wish I didn't envy her so much, but I can't help it. I work with her everyday. She's so chic and slim, and she gets away with everything! When she's at work, she takes her sweet time pulling up files, and works (or not works) whenever she wants. Sometimes she stops right in the middle of a job--it's so frustrating! I wish I could stop work whenever I please.
I so desperately want to fire her. But I can't afford new help. Sometimes I wish I could throw her out of my 20th story office window, but I need her!
Maybe I can go to the store, make payments and get a new assistant. A sleeker new model.
Model of computer that is---the one I envy is my notebook computer.

Reginalex05
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RE: Envy - 6/23

Postby Reginalex05 » Fri Jul 10, 2009 3:24 pm

I truly wish I didn't envy that picture SO much, but I can't help it. I think what bothers me the most if the fact that he carries it around- no, flaunts it, I swear- like it was the damned last piece of bread in the world for the next century. The stupid picture, it's a part of his life now. He stares and loses himself in it; and after much thought given to the situation, I still don't seem to understand why. I will wave, dance, jump, turn up the volume of my voice, cry, laugh. I would do the impossible to get him to turn to look away from it for a second, but it is like the thing seduces him- a curse in his eyes. His eyes- sad, opaque and engaging- belong to the subject in the picture, and not to me. I try to give up any hints of hope, but they hold on selfishly onto me for dear life; and when he walks away with perfection in between his hands, those hints will hopefully break a little further.

heathermoreland
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RE: Envy - 6/23

Postby heathermoreland » Tue Jul 21, 2009 5:24 am

You're right...money's not important until you don't have any and then all of a sudden things change...

Fflewddur's Harp
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RE: Envy - 6/23

Postby Fflewddur's Harp » Wed Jul 22, 2009 7:58 pm

I wish I didn’t envy Wile E. Coyote, but I can’t help it. He gets crushed by rocks, falls into canyons, and does things like repeatedly blow himself up with shoddy explosives. So it doesn’t exactly sound like he’s firing on all cylinders if you know what I mean. Everybody sees him as a train wreck, which he admittedly is.

But what people often fail to notice is there’s a lot to envy about the guy, too. Talk about determination! No matter how many times that pesky Roadrunner eludes him, it never occurs to Wile E. that he should just quit. The numerous disasters in his life only slow him down, and never for long. Giant spring trap slam you into a cliff face? That’s okay- let’s try strapping rockets to roller skates. Imagine what we could achieve if all of us had that kind of single-minded focus. At the very least, the world would end up vastly more entertaining.

Then there’s the carefree aspect of Wile E. Coyote. He walks around blithely unaware of troubling things like gravity, wrapped up in his happy little plans for deep-fried roadrunner. He’s got his dreams, and he’s not afraid to pursue them while things like reality don’t get in the way until he lets them. I certainly wouldn’t mind my life being that carefree, but then again, I don’t relish the idea of accidentally dropping boulders on my head. Maybe this one wasn’t such a great trait to envy after all.

I also envy his communication skills. Wile E. Coyote never says much, but he gets his message across very effectively. Who needs a bunch of flowery words to express your feelings when you’ve got a convenient stack of signs that will convey precisely what you need? “Yikes”, “Ouch”, and “?” are pretty self-explanatory if you ask me. Now all I need to do is think of where to keep my own stack of signs; I never did figure out where he keeps pulling his from.

All in all, I think I want to be like Wile E. Coyote. I wish I had his creativity and expressiveness. Even if I only meet one crushing failure after another, at least I’ll be good for a laugh.

Unwritten
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RE: Envy - 6/23

Postby Unwritten » Sun Aug 09, 2009 2:01 am

I wish I didn’t envy my best friend, but she makes it so hard.
Imagine how it feels to have your best friend pity you so much they offer you their own sloppy seconds. Imagine how it feels to have your best friend manipulate you so much that you think them sleeping with your new boyfriend was the best thing they ever did for you. Imagine having a best friend who acknowledges regularly that you're just not that pretty. Imagine having a best friend who tells you that your too small, your boobs are non existant, your legs are too scrawny, your too skinny.
Then, imagine putting up with this for 16 years all because you were too scared, too meek, too vulnerable, to stop it. Imagine having a best friend like that and be unable to break friends with her because you need her so much. That's being me. That's living with somebody who forces you to envy her.
I wish i didn't envy my best friend, but the problem is, she want's me too.. And what she wants - she gets.

Unwritten
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RE: Envy - 6/23

Postby Unwritten » Sun Aug 09, 2009 2:01 am

I wish I didn’t envy my best friend, but she makes it so hard.
Imagine how it feels to have your best friend pity you so much they offer you their own sloppy seconds. Imagine how it feels to have your best friend manipulate you so much that you think them sleeping with your new boyfriend was the best thing they ever did for you. Imagine having a best friend who acknowledges regularly that you're just not that pretty. Imagine having a best friend who tells you that your too small, your boobs are non existant, your legs are too scrawny, your too skinny.
Then, imagine putting up with this for 16 years all because you were too scared, too meek, too vulnerable, to stop it. Imagine having a best friend like that and be unable to break friends with her because you need her so much. That's being me. That's living with somebody who forces you to envy her.
I wish i didn't envy my best friend, but the problem is, she want's me too.. And what she wants - she gets.

paintedpasts
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RE: Envy - 6/23

Postby paintedpasts » Tue Aug 11, 2009 7:20 am

I wish I didn't envy Annabelle so much, but I can't help it.

Though I have only known her for three years, her writing has improved a thousand-fold while I am caught in a stagnant stalemate that's lasted since grade eight. I am no better than last year or the year before that. But Annabelle, well, she's a different story.

When I compare her writing from last year to the present, the fickle beast of envy grabs hold of me, and I am left chocking in my own jealousy. It starts in the pit of my stomach and works it's way up. I become despondent, desperate for my writing to improve. It is petty, immature and highly inappropriate, but my groveling gets worse. It is no wonder my writing is so raunchy and trite. It is garbage, a waste of words, and no matter what I do or hope, there is absolutely nothing I can do to even hold a candle to Mimi, for I am caught in her terribly huge shadow. I find myself always trying to impress, one-up her in a shower of short stories she wipes her ass with.

Her prose is like ambrosia, how sweet, how rare and dignified. There is nothing like it. She should break out of the realm of fan fiction and torrid homosexual love affairs and do something with that immaculate talent of hers. Put it to good use and show the world what she is made of. Maybe then I might be able to dump this toxic friendship with jealously and find my own niche. But for now, I am left cowering in her shadow.

redhertz
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Re: Envy - 6/23

Postby redhertz » Wed Aug 12, 2009 10:45 am

I wish I didn't envy my twin so much, but I can't help it.

I have always admired her spirit. I adore how she skims over details whilst I’m left delicately picking over the minutiae, checking and checking again. She can chat aimlessly for hours, yet I converse continuously thinking about what should be said next. She eats and sleeps as and when she requires; I live my life by meal times and daylight hours.

Sometimes it pays off. I beamed at my final year A grades, desperate to show my parents and relish in their applaud. But then, Lydia opened her results envelope to reveal a stream of A plusses. She grinned, tucked it into her bag, and continued her conversation with JP. Just like that.

I dedicated a week to arduously researching and visiting each university I applied to. But Lydia waited for a proposition to come to her. It certainly would. My summer, that year, was a daze of long roadtrips, form-filling and interviews. I would wake each morning, check my diary for the next string of engagements, and plough on with planning my future.

Meanwhile, my carefree twin relaxed with JP. Sleeping until 1pm, partying past 4am. Driving fast, skipping meals. Causing mischief, expanding minds. If she forgot to brush her hair for days on end, it didn’t matter. If she didn’t make it home to change her clothes for a week, that was ok. She has inimitable style.

Summer continued. My applications were accepted or denied. I packed up my life, said goodbye to friends and went on to university. My sister moved around California following her vague intuition. We’d catch up sometimes. I worked hard: at my studies, at making friends, at paying rent. She drifted. Lydia always had a tale to tell. A party, a club, a near-miss. Sometimes she managed to get hold of money, sometimes she didn’t. She didn’t mind.

My cash-strapped study-heavy days at university allowed me to dream of her more. My envy spiralled and whirled and bustled. I thought every day of her indulgent lifestyle, allowing her whatever she chose. She got tattoos with no regard for how they might affect her future job prospects. She could drink a bottle of whiskey tonight, with hardly even a headache tomorrow. She could toke a joint or snort a line, entirely fearless of repercussion. She flirted with other surfers in front of JP, yet know he’d always be the one to take her home. Wherever that may be.

* * * * * * *

They said they could see it coming. Even when it did, I still envied her. That Christmas when it was just mum, dad and me. Mum cried for two weeks solid. Lydia’s no-show during the festive period was confirmation that she was thoroughly consumed by her new life. She could handle restrictions no longer. She did what she liked, whenever she liked. As long as she had heroin in her veins, she assured me she could do anything. And I still envied her.

AnnieBone
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Re: Envy - 6/23

Postby AnnieBone » Fri Sep 11, 2009 11:21 am

I wish I didn't envy Jennie so much but I can't help it. She was always my Mom's favorite. She never seemed to get in trouble. She took me everywhere with her and her friends even though my Mom always had to remind her as she left the house. She would then drop me off at the swimming pool with a dollar for snacks. Or she would saddle a horse for me and say, "You can ride for two hours and I'll be back at exactly ......to pick you up". Maybe she'd drive me to my best friends out in the country All I had to do was just promise not to tell my Mom about all the great things she'd done for me or maybe Mom would think I'm too much trouble for her and make me stay home.
She loved to style my hair because it was long and straight. She'd curl it with rollers or braid it just perfectly. She kept her hair short because it was kind of wirey and hard to comb. She didn't like her hair color and Momma wouldn't let her change it. But Momma never knew that she secretly put a little peroxide on MY hair every week and blamed the everylightening color on the sun.
Twice she entered me in a local talent show. She was a great manager. Practice, practice, practice! She could sing and dance and she taught me every little move to make. I won 1st place both times. My Momma was so prould of what she'd taught me.
Even today she never complains or gets in a hurry or gets mad at me. When I visit her she still wants to do my hair or give me some ice cream money or sing those songs from the talent show. She makes me promise not to tell Momma. I just wish she could remember my name...........

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