Losing a Loved One - 5/17

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cereagan
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RE: Losing a Loved One - 5/17

Postby cereagan » Tue May 31, 2011 9:45 pm

Man, I didn't expect this to happen, so soon.

You called me from your hospital room, but I thought you had more time.

You called my by that name, to make my throat catch, in the way you know.

You called it, way before I would've, because, you were stronger, experienced and indestructible.

I'm still waiting for you to be next to me.

At a movie.

Or a bar.

In my life.

It's over. And Done.

I'll keep watching. And Waiting.

Probably. Forever.

PenInHand4U
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RE: Losing a Loved One - 5/17

Postby PenInHand4U » Wed Jun 01, 2011 3:55 pm

I knew that day was going to happen when you were going to be laid to rest; but I didn't really want it to happen. I know you told me that "we all have to go one day", but why you. You are the only one that really knew me and loved me for me. How am I to go on now? Just thinking about it now I can remember when I came to you hospital room with family and friends all around you and looking you over or saying there last words to you and then all of a sudden I was alone with but one person stayed; but it didn't matter to you for I was right there.

You didn't say a word but with your eyes I knew you knew it was me...your daughter. The one they said I look like your mother and you. I looked you dead in the eyes and told you I was there for you. That I was sorry that I hadn't come earlier but I knew in our way you forgave me; for you knew death was not easy for me to take; especially being you. How I really knew you knew what I was saying to ease your spirit is when I saw one tear fall from your eye. I knew then you could hear me and understood. I knew you were leaving me then for I told you to go and rest and be with your family that was already on the other side waiting for you. I wanted you to remember a special time in your life to think about so leaving us would be easier for you to take; yet my heart still breaks even now writing this letter to you.

I hope...no, I pray you are over my shoulders reading it as I write it. I miss you daddy something awful. I need you daddy...something awful....I want you home daddy...something awful...but...you can't. Can you?

One of your grandsons just handed me some mail. He has strong, broad shoulders and a mighty handshake just like yours. He loves you so much and still remembers you well. I am sure you were proud of him when he carried your casket to the grave site four years ago; like a man.

I must say I use you, in a good way of course; as the tool to keep him focus to carry the pride that you always use to talk about. I know you don't mind for that is one way to keep your memory and to keep him focus on his goal to do well in this world...so thank you for understanding. He loves you so much and even wants to change his last name to yours. That to me is one thing I am all for. I don't think his father would even try to fight that issue; but if he did...he would lose that fight for sure.

I am looking in the mirror now and still can see your face. I guess it is true when they say, "the apple doesn't fall to far from the tree." I guess it didn't with us. We share the same features, the same color of skin, the same gap in our teeth, the same compassion for our fellow man, strong tempers for the right of our fellow man, the love for children, and wanting them to do well in life....with the word "can't" in their vocabulary. I guess it is you there in my reflection after all. I hope you saw that smile for even with the sadness I do smile when I think of you as well as cry. I want you here. I didn't want you to go.

I know you want me to keep living and I will daddy. I know you want me to keep the kids strong; especially this younger one, I know you want the world for me but I be he happiest daughter to have you here by my side in flesh and blood. Feeling your arms around me when I need a tender moment, to hear your voice to tell me it is going to be alright, or just to see your brown-gray eyes that had such strength but tenderness in them. Are you going to be the only man I can trust and have faith in to besides our Father GOD? I can answer that...yes, you are.

Love you always daddy

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RE: Losing a Loved One - 5/17

Postby livausis » Fri Jun 03, 2011 9:22 am

I want to say that I miss you and that this is hurting me, but I didn’t go to your funeral because I’m embarrassed of people crying. I really do miss you. I swear that I’m grieving and that this pain will eat me alive. I apologize for repeating myself; it is not that I think you won’t believe me, but nobody else seems to.
I feel a little guilty, because the day you died, I might have discovered I am a terrible person, and this concerns me deeply. Lately I’ve been crying a lot in bathroom stalls with my face forced against my bag, but that’s nobody’s business, so I act as if nothing ever happened, though my jokes are not a big hit because, even though you might not like to hear this, your death has made everyone awkward, angry and rude.
I’ve been thinking a lot, because I don’t have you around to do the thinking for me and I’ve discovered that I’m very dumb. It was nice of you to never tell me that because it feels as horrible as I should feel about your death, but you wouldn’t know that, because I’ve only now realized how smart you were. I stole all your math notes yesterday when your dad wasn’t home, because I had never thought I’d have to pass my SATs without you helping me cheat. My parents think my grades have gone down because I’m grieving and I thank you for all the A’s you’ve gotten me form kindergarten to high-school.
This is the most selfish thing I've ever said, but you’re death has accomplished nothing more than making me feel inadequate. That time when we were six years old, I wouldn’t have climbed up that oak tree without you testing it first because I was a little coward. My mom thinks I’m intelligent because I repeat everything you’ve said about Victor Hugo, E. M. Remarque and all the other authors I’ve never read. Those two weeks in 8th grade when we decided it was a great idea to turn our friendship into a romance boosted my market value (though it probably lowered yours)enough to go on a date with that pretty girl from class 9b. You were clearly kinder, braver, smarter and better looking than I’ll ever be, and on top of that you would have come to my funeral.
But I liked you, which is a lot coming from an egoistical, dumb, pathetic person who wasn't always the nicest friend.

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MimiNinjaUkyo
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RE: Losing a Loved One - 5/17

Postby MimiNinjaUkyo » Sat Jun 04, 2011 12:52 pm

My beloved Gardenia;

I miss you dearly. I still can't believe you're gone, but I'll always cherish your memories and your love you had for me. Sadly I will no longer feel your soft lips touch any part of my body. Why did you have leave me so suddenly?
As I sit here on my bed going through photos of us together and those cute little 'I love you' notes that I would leave around the place that we shared together for you to show you how much I loved you.
The thought of that horrible day keeps coming back to me and I remember how died in my arms. Your once warm body was now cold as ice. I held tightly to your lifeless body not wanting to let you go, because I've told you countless times that I would never let you go. But hands force me to let you go.
Still sitting on the bed that we will never share together again, I listen to songs that remind me of you. You were my special flower and the love of my life. Nobody can ever replace you and I would never let them. I don’t want to ever find anyone new. All I want is you, but I know you’ll never come back to me.
I hope wherever you are it’s a beautiful place like yourself and you don’t have to feel any pain. At least you don’t have to feel the pain that is now in my heart. I love you till this day and nobody will ever take that away from me. My body trembles as I start to cry tears of sadness, I guess I wasn’t done crying over you. Everyday I leave flowers for you at your final resting place. I spread a blanket over you and I lay above so I can at least feel like I’m laying beside you.
Others may look at me strangely my love, but I don’t care. All I care about is you and what we shared. How will I ever live without you? I don’t even know how to live anymore, but I do know we will meet again. So please my precious look over me till that day comes.
Love forever,
:(

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RE: Losing a Loved One - 5/17

Postby JBG » Sun Jun 05, 2011 9:27 am

Dear Barbara,

I just learned of your passing and although I am shocked at the manner in which you died, I can't help but think that you had finally gotten what you deserved. The front page of the newspaper left little to the imagination - what a horrible accident. Was it an accident? You reap what you sow, Barbara.

I never knew truth from your lips. Perhaps the violent outbursts; the insults you would hurl at me; the venom that would drip from your tongue - were the only honest words you ever said to me. Even though they were often only screamed in my direction before you dismissed me as insignificant, like I was merely your servant.

Maybe you lied to the wrong person. You used the wrong man. Someone who chose to not back down. Someone who would not walk away, but engaged you in the "psychological warfare" you loved so much.

Oh, I did fall for your charm initially. Yes, I believed your promises. I actually felt close to you in the beginning and I wanted a life with you. I thought you felt the same way. I loved you even after you betrayed me over and over again, and believed you when noone else would. You were the victim - everyone else was lying. Poor, poor Barbara.

My eyes were finally open and after you moved on to your next prey, I found the peace for which I had been praying.

It is unfortunate that you chose to live your life as you did. I miss the person I thought you were - the person you could have been. You wanted to be famous dear Barbara and now you are famous for drowning in raw sewage. How appropriate.

Sincerely,

Xavier

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MimiNinjaUkyo
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RE: Losing a Loved One - 5/17

Postby MimiNinjaUkyo » Sun Jun 05, 2011 10:25 am

Wow. That was beautiful. I loved it.

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RE: Losing a Loved One - 5/17

Postby Rev119 » Sun Jun 05, 2011 10:44 am

Dear Aunt Connie,

I’m so sorry I missed our meeting a couple of weeks ago. I was really looking forward to hanging out with you and catching up on things, but I fell and sprained my foot, laying me up for quite a while. I suppose if I’d known I’d be making it up here (which is to say never getting to make it up at all in this life), I would have done a better job of pushing through. This is how we learn, I guess.

In a time like this, it is traditional to look back on our relationship and recount all of the memories, milestones, and moments we shared. I’m trying real hard to be be a grown-up and elucidate for all of the world the tremendous impact you had on my life, but I think you’ll be proud to learn that as I travel that road in my mind, I keep being distracted by colorful billboards along the route, all touting a common blaring theme: PUNS! They’re everywhere, highlighting every get-together in our shared history. Some examples:

-Did you hear about the man whose entire left side had to be amputated? He’s all right now.
-You know, I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.
-I’m so poor I can’t even afford to pay attention!
-A dyslexic poet writes inverse.
-I get my large circumference from too much pi.
-(and my personal favorite) Time sure is fun when you’re having flies.

This is all your doing, of course. Are these not some of the carefully crafted interjections you employed to upend and uplift every conversation at impossible to anticipate moments? I reluctantly admit that I have never been a fan of puns; yet they bring me immense comfort today on this stroll down memory lane. They decompress the tension, reminding me of your inimitable spirit and humor.

I can never thank God enough for our time together. You modeled friendship, worship, and unconditional love to me, and I relish every moment – yes, even the puns. I can’t wait to see you again in heaven and finally have that meeting we missed. Until then, this is me thanking you publicly for everything.

I assure you and everyone here: I had a LOT of flies.

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RE: Losing a Loved One - 5/17

Postby pgibson » Sun Jun 05, 2011 3:11 pm

I love you, there I’ve said, I’ve finally said it! Three years I’ve kept my feelings secret. I could never have told you while you were alive. To do so would have been a mistake. In spite of my own feelings, I didn’t want to come between you and Luis. The two of you were in love; that was obvious. And I’m happy with Amanda, I truly care for her. Instead I chose to remain quiet and admire you from a distance. I doubt you had the same feelings for me anyway. We were friends and I was thankful for that. I was afraid to tell you how I felt, afraid it would ruin our friendship.
But now that you’re gone I regret not telling you. There’s a part of me that’s screaming, aching for you to know in death what I couldn’t tell you in life. In a way, writing this letter is cathartic. Putting the feelings I have for you on paper helps lift the weight of the secret I carry around. Everyone sees how much Luis is hurting, but no one sees my pain. My heart is aching too. I want someone to hear, I want someone to understand. My rational side knows you will never read this letter. But there’s another side of me that feels this message will reach you. I hope you somehow know what I’m writing. You should know how much you were loved and that you will be missed. Luis was a lucky man. It was easy to fall in love you. You will be missed.

God bless you

Seg
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RE: Losing a Loved One - 5/17

Postby Seg » Sun Jun 05, 2011 7:50 pm

Dear Gianna,
I am lost without you. If I could count the number of tears I have shed over you, I am quite confident that no such number exists, and if it does, I am unaware of it.

I find myself in your bedroom every night. I just sit there in the oversized, rose colored, suede chair, with the blanket that Nana knitted for you placed ever so perfectly on the matching ottoman, staring in a catatonic state, at all your books on the bookshelf that Poppy built for you.

I admire all your beautiful ivory furniture that fills the room, along with the very pale pink and purple bedding that I mulled over for hours not knowing if it would be as perfect as you were. I even spent countless hours in magazines,picking out color coordinated curtains, often falling asleep on the couch and waking up in the middle of the night, having to drag myself up a flight of stairs, undress, and fall into bed.

I find myself taking inventory of your clothes. I pull open the double doors to your walk in closet, and begin to touch and smell every piece hanging in there. I drop to my knees and run my trembling hands over the many pair of shoes placed neatly on the floor, beside one another.

I have so many memories of you, including bedtime stories I would read to you, and sometimes the same one over and over as you would say "Again" when the final page was read. One of my favorites was teaching you how to ride your bicycle without your training wheels on. I ran beside you as I held the seat of your bike and let go without your knowledge. You did great. I was so proud of you. Then there was your first day of school, so afraid to get on the schoolbus, but you did it anyway. I stood there with tears in my eyes, blowing kisses as the bus driver shut the door and drove away.

All of the major milestones in your life are what stand out most of all, like the day you got your driver's license.You came screaming through the door, waving it in my face and begging me to take you out so you could drive around the neighborhood for a while. Also, your first date, and your prom, and your graduation from high school, and then off to college you went. Not a day went by when I wasn't beaming with pride from your accomplishments.

I do , However, owe you an apology. I am sorry Baby Girl. I am so very sorry that I didn't listen to the warnings from my family or even my inner voice when it was screaming to leave your Daddy because of his temper. I could have never predicted that I would have ended up at the bottom of a flight of 14 stairs causing me to lose you two weeks before your due date. All I have left now are the memories of what could have and should have been, and all the memories I listed in this letter, I live vicariously through my thoughts.

In some strange way, it helps me to think of the life that I wanted for you and you so desperately deserved. They are comforting thoughts as I try so very hard to get through day to day without you.
Loving you and Missing you Always.
Mommy.

JBG
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RE: Losing a Loved One - 5/17

Postby JBG » Mon Jun 06, 2011 4:55 am

Thank you! I enjoyed yours as well. I could feel the writer's pain - I could see the writer laying on the loved one's grave. Great job.

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