Unusual Side Effect 5/6-5/12

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jwave
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RE: Unusual Side Effect 5/6-5/12

Postby jwave » Wed May 07, 2008 3:34 pm

The evening before Emiline’s birthday, I entered Toys ‘R Us without the vaguest idea of what I was going to buy. Her wish list was enormous. It felt like she wanted every item in every aisle I went down. Of course I wanted to get her something special, something she really wanted, but what? I decided to look at the copy of the weeks specials that were posted on the bulletin board at the front of the school for inspiration. What I found instead sent me rushing from the store, into my car and racing home.

Pinned to the board next to the sale circular were the product recalls. Sunshine Cindy bubble bath was being recalled. That was Emiline and Cady’s favorite bubble bath. It was the only thing that would get my girls into the bathtub. The liquid smelled like cherries and created mounds and mounds of cotton candy like bubbles, deliciously pink tinged bubbles. Apparently, Sunshine Cindy was having a peculiar affect on some children. I had to get home and get rid of it before Jeff put the girls in for their bath.

Sadly, I was too late. I opened the door to find Jeff on the phone with poison control. He frantically tried to tell the operator all that the girls had eaten that day. I flew past him to the living room where my children were crying loudly. I know I should not have laughed. I tried not to laugh; it just made the girls cry even harder.

My little angels were blue. Bright blue. From head to toe. I gave the girls a hug and told them not to worry, it would be all right. I ran into the kitchen and got Jeff’s attention. He stared at me with a frustrated glare at my stifled giggles. I motioned for him to give me the phone. I told the operator that it was okay; the girls had used the recalled bubble bath and were suffering from its temporary side effect. She informed me that we were not her first case and ended our call.

I sat Jeff down and explained the government’s recall warning. Apparently, the Sunshine Cindy’s bubble bath contained a botanical fragrance that when mixed with the red dye #98 caused the blue staining the girls were experiencing. The color was only supposed to last a day or two. There was only one thing left to do….

Take pictures.

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RE: Unusual Side Effect 5/6-5/12

Postby circle » Thu May 08, 2008 12:03 am

It was good to finally go home after a long day in town. While leaving the last stop, an article on the front page of a Newspaper in a news stand caught my attention that was entitled, "Who Would Have Known?" In a picture, three small children were grouped together, sitting in a doctor's office. All of them had stark white hair. And not just the hair on their heads, but also their eyebrows, eyelashes, even a white glow on their arms gave these children a ghost-like aura.
Distracted by what I saw, I began reading. According to the article, several cases were reported of children using a new shampoo designed for adults. It not only cleaned the children's hair, but also stripped the color of their hair as well. And if they were in a bath, well then, it did a complete job all over. The article continued to explain that this was strangely happening only to children. Some speculations were made, and although no apparent harm to the children was caused, still a warning not to use this product was strongly urged. At the end of the article, the name of the shampoo was given, and a refund promised. "I have that same shampoo at home", I thought as I drove away.
When I arrived home, there were our two children, with the water colors and brushes, painting each other using a rainbow of colors. When they noticed me standing there watching them they said, "We lost our color! Don't worry, we're fixing it." As I removed the suspect bottle of shampoo, I couldn't help but smile.

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RE: Unusual Side Effect 5/6-5/12

Postby circle » Thu May 08, 2008 12:06 am

It was good to finally go home after a long day in town. While leaving the last stop, an article on the front page of a Newspaper in a news stand caught my attention that was entitled, "Who Would Have Known?" In a picture, three small children were grouped together, sitting in a doctor's office. All of them had stark white hair. And not just the hair on their heads, but also their eyebrows, eyelashes, even a white glow on their arms gave these children a ghost-like aura.
Distracted by what I saw, I began reading. According to the article, several cases were reported of children using a new shampoo designed for adults. It not only cleaned the children's hair, but also stripped the color of their hair as well. And if they were in a bath, well then, it did a complete job all over. The article continued to explain that this was strangely happening only to children. Some speculations were made, and although no apparent harm to the children was caused, still a warning not to use this product was strongly urged. At the end of the article, the name of the shampoo was given, and a refund promised. "I have that same shampoo at home", I thought as I drove away.
When I arrived home, there were our two children, with the water colors and brushes, painting each other using a rainbow of colors. When they noticed me standing there watching them they said, "We lost our color! Don't worry, we're fixing it." As I removed the suspect bottle of shampoo, I couldn't help but smile.

jmp
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RE: Unusual Side Effect 5/6-5/12

Postby jmp » Thu May 08, 2008 5:41 pm

...constructed a large obelisk out of marshmallows. I wondered where they had gotten so many. The object was sitting on top of the dining room table and almost reached the ceiling. Hovering above was a halo of compact fluorescent light bulbs.

The candle was also hovering above the obelisk, smack in the center of the halo. It was lit and fumes were rising from the flame. My wife, Darla, had mentioned she had bought it at Grab-Mart last week. Now I remember. She also had bought a case of marshmallows to see if she could make one thousand crispy rice treats.

The swinging door from the kitchen slowly opened and out walked my daughter, Katy. She wore a shoulder harness connected to an ironing board. Darla was sitting on top of the board in the lotus position. Shouldering the other end was Jason, my son. Darla was wearing Jason’s football helmet and sat silently with her eyes glazed over. Katy and Jason were chanting “Marshmallow.” The three of them were oblivious to my presence.

I tried desperately to recall what the radio announcer had said that others had done to counteract the effects of the candle. It had something to do with Pam® and Spam® but I couldn’t remember. I went to the kitchen and turned on the television to the twenty-four hour news channel.

“Repeat. If you have any “Out-of-This-World” Scented Candles at home, destroy them at once. Thousands of viewers have sent camera phone photos of people under its control. These people have constructed large obelisks out of marshmallows, jelly beans, French fries, or a combination of these materials. One viewer, Stanley Johnson, of King of Prussia, Pennsylvania, has reportedly solved the mystery of how to stop this madness and is currently on the line. Stanley?”

“Thanks. First, take some Spam®. I tried potted meat but it didn’t work. Mix it in a red, plastic bowl with any kind of Pam®, with olive oil or any other additive, as long it is not generic. Mix them well and then take a jar of Smucker’s® strawberry jam. Not jelly now. You must follow this to a tee. Mix in the whole jar; you cannot add too much.”

I began to look for these ingredients in the cupboards.

“After you have it well mixed, take a spoon and fling some of it directly at the candle. Immediately the trance will be broken. But don’t take too long. The scent will get to you, too.”

I found the ingredients and mixed them according to Stanley’s instructions. I began to feel woozy and crave marshmallows but I was determined not to fall under the candle’s power. I hurried into the living room with the bowl and spoon. My family was standing in front of the obelisk with their arms raised. I aimed a spoonful at the candle and let it fly. The mixture hit the candle and doused its flame. Immediately, Darla and the kids turned towards me and….

anointed
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RE: Unusual Side Effect 5/6-5/12

Postby anointed » Thu May 08, 2008 11:30 pm

THE UNUSUAL SIDE EFFECT


I was out shopping today and was startled by the news report I heard on my car radio. The announcer said, “The government has issued out a warning on G. E. Light bulbs, it has been reported that whether they are on or off, they are emitting micro waves that affect the brain, and it only seems to affect children“.

I was petrified, I began driving like a mad woman. The thought of something terrible happening to my babies was just more than I could bear.

I tried calling home on my cell phone and no one answered. The phone just continued to ring and ring. I became more fearful nearly having a wreck, I couldn’t seem to concentrate, all I could think of was my children and trying to get to them as quick as possible.

It was 4:00 p.m. and they were all home from school by now, why didn’t they answer the phone? Then I thought, maybe they can’t. Finally I pulled up into the drive way, no sign of the children. I left all my shopping items into the car in haste to run to the door to check on the kids.

I was a bundle of nerves, the door was locked and I didn’t have my keys in my hand so I had to run back to the car to get them. When I opened the front door, all was quiet, not a child in site. I went into the kitchen and it was spotless.

I made my way upstairs; looking into the first bedroom, my daughter was doing her homework and her room was clean. She wasn’t even on the phone, and when she asked me If I needed her to do anything, I nearly fainted.

I walked on to the boys room, they weren’t yelling or fighting, not at all like them selves, they were actually enjoying each other’s company. And besides all this, their room was immaculate.

I could hardly breath, what has come over my children, they never acted this way before, it’s got to be the UNSUAL SIDE EFFECT OF THE LIGHT BULBS.

jmh2008
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RE: Unusual Side Effect 5/6-5/12

Postby jmh2008 » Fri May 09, 2008 5:03 pm

"Unusable side effects... seen only in children... psychotic behavior ... authorities are stunned."
I sipped my beer.
"CleanUp Disinfectant and Cleaner seems to be the cause."
The anchor explained the situation. Everyone in the bar sat transfixed at the televisions above the bar. The playoffs had been interrupted for this important notice.
"Children have turned violent; rabid, attacking anyone that comes near." The anchorman explained.
I slapped a twenty on the bar then ran toward my car. I shouldn't be driving I know, but Lisa was out with her friends, and we hired a babysitter to watch the kids so I could watch the playoffs at MacDoggles, my favorite bar.
"Damn." I said aloud as I sped toward home. I shouldn't be driving. I should've remained home but our marriage was strained, I needed to get out.
Now, I just wanted to see my kids again. To make sure all was okay.
I sped down the road. Something, someone, shot across and I hit the brakes. I didn't have time to stop and I struck it.
I stopped the car. Looking behind I saw a lifeless lump in the road. It looked like a dead dog but then it stirred, then it rose.
It was a child. A young boy. Bloodied. He walked toward me with an innocent glare in his eyes, as if questioning what happened.
Then, his eyes turned sharp. He darted toward me screaming "brains!".
I ran back to my car, closing the door just in time as he slammed against it.
The young boy now looked more like a rabid wolf as he clawed at my window, bloody teeth exposed, as he screamed "brains.. I need brains"
I started my car, the old Saturn stalled and I feared I'd be stuck as the young boy pounded on my window.
Then, the engine turned over, I accelerated and my car shot off.
In the rear view mirror I saw the boy, he couldn't have been over ten, jumping in the air in frustration.
As I sped down the road it looked like a dark and twisted Halloween. Children ran around, chasing adults into the street, surrounding them.
I pulled into my wooded subdivision and was relieved to see it was quite. I parked in the driveway and ran to my house.
Inside, Nancy, our babysitter lay prone.
Britney and Lindsey, our two daughters, age eight and ten, sat chewing on her head. There was a gaping whole and it was empty where her brains once were.
"Britney, Lindsey!" I exclaimed.
"Daddy." Britney said. "We missed you."
"Daddy." Lindsey said. "We are hungry."
I shook as they approached me.
"CleanUp Cleaner and Disinfectant will clean up your life!"
I remembered the jingle from the television ad.
"Cleanup Cleaner and Disinfectant will clean your home and good!"
They were singing the old jingle as they walked toward me.

Colleen
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RE: Unusual Side Effect 5/6-5/12

Postby Colleen » Mon May 12, 2008 7:32 am

The recall had been in effect for days now but I didn’t care. At first I didn’t believe it but when I arrived at the school that day I knew my eyes were not lying. Some might call me a terrible mother for what I am doing. They may even say I should have my children taken away and that I am not fit. That’s fine with me. I believe what I am doing is for the best. For many years my two children have struggled with school and have suffered great humiliation and there has been nothing I could do about it, nothing until now.

I remember the day of the recall and I cherish it as one of the greatest days in my life. I arrived at the school, after a great panic when I heard that a new type of vitamin, one that I had only just purchased on the weekend, had an ingredient in it that was believed to be causing children to feel drowsy and reducing their ability to concentrate and focus and with continued use, might even be fatal. The teachers said it was like everyone had taken a stupid pill before coming to school and that they had to send so many children home that the schools were practically empty. There were only a few kids able to attend. Those who had not ingested the vitamin pills and, and well, my children. For some reason the ingredient that was impairing the brain functions of all these children, somehow had the reverse effect on my children. They became sharp and clear and for the first time in their lives, felt whole. They had completed work that only days ago, they could not do. The teacher said there would be no need for me to take my children home as they had obviously not been in contact with the vitamin pills. She told me that my kids were fine and in fact seemed to be doing rather well.

Excited with this change in my children, I have continued to give the vitamins to them, in spite of any risk. They are happy and proud and filled with excitement. I have never seen them so full with life, so I did something I have never done before. I knew that I would not be able to purchase the vitamins and it was apparent that I would need to stalk up on what ever I could get my hands on. I was aware that the local pharmacy was collecting the recalled vitamins and without a thought about the consequences of getting caught, I disguised myself as a health official and told them I had come to pick up the returned items. I was surprised at how easy it was. People were more trusting than what you see on the evening news. I collected one hundred bottles of the vitamins. I know that I will run out one day, but until then, I will bask in the successes of my children, a pleasure I have not known. I will be able to feel like all the other parents and for short time we will all blend in and this will be nice and I will have some peace.

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RE: Unusual Side Effect 5/6-5/12

Postby Elle » Mon May 12, 2008 11:17 am

As soon as I arrived home from work the babysitter dashed passed me out the front door. Was something wrong? Not unless it would be that my twin boys Bobby and Billy were playing quietly in their room, instead of running wildly through the house.
I started dinner but was diverted by a story on the news. I stared at the TV screen. There in all their dark, mysterious colors, slashes of red and frightening faces was a set of gruesome action figures, called the “Frightful Four.” Dracula, Frankenstein’s monster, the Zombie and the Wolfman. I hated these “horror dolls”and had forbidden my twins to play with them. The announcer was explaining that some defect had been discovered in the toys and they were taking them off the market. They didn’t say what the defect was, but if anyone had one of these dolls in their house they were to call this hotline immediately. I breathed a sigh of relief. At least these things weren’t in our house.
The phone rang. Dolores didn’t sound her usual loud, aggressive self. My mother in law and I treated each other like boxers in a ring. A jab here, a jab there. She overrode my authority all the time. Taking the boys places I didn’t want them to go, feeding them foods I didn’t want them to eat, always buying them things I had said no to. Right now, she was sounding very contrite. “Susan,” she said hesitantly, “I was watching the news and saw the dolls that were being recalled” “Forget it, Dolores,” I said. “You know how I feel about those creepy toys. I’ve never bought them for the for the boys, even though they begged me.
“Susan,” she stammered, “I bought one of the toys for them and now they say they are dangerous. I’m so sorry.”
“What’s wrong with them. Did you find that out at least? Are the parts loose?” I was furious.
“I don’t know. I tried phoning the hot line but I couldn’t get through.” Dolores sounded scared now.
I went to the boy’s room and confronted them. “Where is that doll grandma gave you?” Bobby handed me the Zombie. It felt cold and slimy in my hand. I threw it in the trash in the garage.”
That night something woke me. I went to check on the kids. There was a red glow around their heads. I turned on the overhead light. As I turned it on I saw the boys quickly close their eyes.
I’m just freaked out because it has been such a bizarre day, I thought, as I went into the bathroom to get a grip on myself. I splashed my face with cold water then looked in the mirror. My eyes were glowing like red coals in my face. I ran to the boy’s room. They were sitting up in bed their eyes also glowing red, as were the Zombie’s, as it sat up between them.

Tara2361
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Re: Unusual Side Effect 5/6-5/12

Postby Tara2361 » Tue May 13, 2008 9:00 am

All I could do was laugh. The pharmacy was full of anxious parents, the police had been called in twice, and one lady over by the magazines hadn’t stopped crying since she came in over an hour ago.
“Are they kidding? Slightly unusual! ” Bob exclaimed. He sounded as flabbergasted as I felt. All I could do was shake my head and laugh. Bob and I had been friends for hours now, ever since the only pharmacy in town had opened precisely at 6:01am on a beautiful Sunday morning. We no longer needed words to communicate our feelings.
“The FDA and CDC,” the radio announcer continued “say they are working closely together to make sure the drug Fyotbol is readily available, but they stress that only time will cause the anomalies to diminish. Once again, owners of any type of digital television set are warned not to turn on them on, as the effects of a crossed signal with a defense satellite may have a slightly unusual affect on some children. ”
“Now they tell us,” I tried to joke, but my humor fell flat. Anomalies. My boys were at home with eyebrow hair down to their ankles. Bob’s kid couldn’t stop singing the theme song from All in the Family at the top of his lungs. The crying lady by the magazines had a daughter who…I shuddered. Nobody in the pharmacy blamed her for crying, that was for sure.
“The Department of Defense has assured the public that safety measures are now in place and this will never happen again. On a side note, the score is now 14-13 in the fourth quarter of Super Bowl XLIII.”
“I knew I shouldn’t have gotten rid of my rabbit ears,” Bob muttered. I just nodded my head and passed him a stick of beef jerky. Bob understood. I missed my good old analog TV set more than ever.
My cell phone jingled the theme song from Friends, my wife’s ring tone, and a bearded man over by the toilet paper glared at me. I could only imagine why that tune didn’t amuse him. “Hey honey. How are the boys?”
“Jack’s finally stopped, but I’m still cutting Nicky’s when it gets to his chin. I wonder if a wig shop could use all this. Any luck with the medicine yet?”
“No, I’m still sitting here.”
“Well, they are saying the effects will wear off after a couple of days, but…”
“No, you were right. We shouldn’t take any chances. I’ll just keep waiting.”
“I love you,” my wife tentatively said.
I could just picture her scrunching up her face as she said that, and I sighed. “I love you too. And I’m sorry about yesterday. I shouldn’t have asked if it could wait until Monday. I’ll be home soon, I hope.”
As I hung up, Bob handed me a bag of chips from the shelf behind us. We no longer needed words.

mescott
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RE: Unusual Side Effect 5/6-5/12

Postby mescott » Tue May 13, 2008 10:13 am

The government has issued a warning that a particular (and common) household item is having an unusual side effect on children. Worse yet, you own this item. You rush home to check on your kids. When you get there, you're shocked to find that your kids... have knocked all the plants off the shelves.
“But... But... why?” You mutter, gazing over the dirt and destruction. Your two twin sons are looking at you, wide grins on their faces.
“For feeding us nothing but vegetables for the past for years. We hate being vegetarian. We want burgers.”
“To show our contempt we’ve destroyed all the plants. We will gladly accept any punishment you may have to give us. But we will not eat vegetarian from now on.”
“You will do as I say!”
What followed was the classic battle-of-wills which take place through the course of the teenage years. By-and-by the twins grew up.
Some time when they were at college, on a peaceful afternoon. The twins called; they both had cancer.
“Yeah, we both have cancer, apparently we...”
But you’ve stopped listening: you know why. It’s because of the common house-hold item which you had bought because it was cheap but had known all along it was probably bad, not unlike bleach.
In any case, now your children are dieing not because they didn’t eat their veggies (a private victory you had secretly wanted to have over all the other neighborhood children), but because you were more concerned with plant-life than what actually was probably a good decision.
You run outside, fall onto your knees and yell to the heavens, “WHY?!?!?!?!?!!!”
You wait a few moments, but there is no answer. “Huh” you say, then standing back up and wiping the dirt of your knees you go back inside.
The phone has not been hung up, but is dangling by the cord, still oscillating. You pick it up, and listen. The twins are talking about some video game.
“Hello?” you say.
“Oh hey, welcome back. We figured you had to run to the bathroom or something.”
“Oh no. I was crying out to the heavens, in vain apparently.”
“Why?”
“Because you both got cancer from those vile chemicals I used. I’m sorry... I’m so sorry...” you begin to sob, loudly, into the phone. (Perhaps if vanity will not be served through the heavens, a more down-to-earth approach is needed).
“What?”
“What?” they say. “It’s not from the chemicals. It’s because of the sun.”
“Yeah, apparently we have some stupid kind of skin cancer. Lot’s of people get it apparently. We’re not going to die. Geez, didn’t you hear anything we had to say. We were telling you that—”
But you’ve stopped listening, and run out to the lawn again, “WHY?!??!!” maybe this time it’ll work you think, since the first time you did it for no real reason. Yes, it’s just got to this time...

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