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Writing Forum | WritersDigest.com • What's your thoughts? : Conversation question • Writing Forum | WritersDigest.com
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What's your thoughts?

PostPosted: Sat Dec 05, 2015 10:36 am
by roda havet
I wanted to ask a question about something most say is a hard thing to talk about. After finding out Maia has passed and knowing others that have passed just recently, a question comes to mind. I know this is a sad subject. But what is one really to say when told someone they know has passed? I have seen so many reactions to this and had some myself though I still don't get it all.
Other questions also cross my mind:
1.Why do we upset or sad? Is it because we will miss them or is it just the reaction that people think we must have?
2. Why that person? If close to someone we all ask this but we know that this is a part of life that we can't really change. It seems no matter what is wrong with the person, rather it be a mild problem to a incurable condition we want them around always. Maybe we just want that extra moment with them for what ever reason. With this question I sometimes wonder are we being selfish wanted those around us not to pass even if they suffer.
3. Are we all scared of dying though it can't be stopped and will happen one day? My opinion is yes I think to a point we are all scared of it because no one wants to die and leave their loved ones behind.
I'm sorry if these question seem a bit much but over the years with those I've lost from grandparents to aunts, and friends, I can't help but have them cross my mind. :(

Re: What's your thoughts?

PostPosted: Sat Dec 05, 2015 11:27 am
by Oldtimer
I believe a lot of us are sad, Roda, because when a person is no longer with us we are reminded of the things we failed to do when they were alive - missed opportunities to write or go and see them although we always meant to do that, others where we could have helped in a situation but held back because of financial hardship or fear that what we want to do might be taken the wrong way. Mostly, though, I believe it is the feeling of loss that makes us sad - the thought that we can never see, touch, hear, or be with that person ever again. I don't think any of us truly feels sad because "we ought to". We act in ways we think we ought to, but don't think that way. At any rate, I don't.
You posed a very thoughtful question. Thank you for asking it.

Re: What's your thoughts?

PostPosted: Sat Dec 05, 2015 11:49 am
by roda havet
Thank you Oldtimer for taking the time to reply. The question remains on my mind more often than not.

Re: What's your thoughts?

PostPosted: Sat Dec 05, 2015 3:15 pm
by Crono91
Disconnection from someone we love is a painful thing to go through, even more so for those left alive than those who have died. Not to get too religious, but when Jesus was on the cross, and he bore all the sin, in that moment God looked away from him--cut off, and in that moment was when Jesus truly felt the pain and cried out to his Father, asking why he was foresaken. To be cut off from someone is truly devastating--death does not bring pleasantries. In fact, while people associate hell with torture and pain, the real pain is the fact that God does not reside there, whereas when on earth, God is always here and always looking at us--we do not comprehend what it is like to be cut off from God, because we've never been in such a situation.

So losing a loved one to death, while can insight personal fear of dying, it is the fact that we won't ever be connected to that person again. If they were to have moved away, the connection is still there, just distant--but once they die, the connection is lost. Also, the desire to keep someone from dying is not selfish--it is a human reaction. We all crave human connection--that is what we are built around, and that is fundamentally what psychology focuses on; thus, we all avoid human disconnection. All feelings, though, can lead to poor choices, as in keeping someone alive who is a vegetable for many years, when that person just wants to pass.

---

As for what we feel when we hear of people we don't really know (as in Maia for some of us): there is a mechanism in our brain known as Mirror Neurons. What these do is mimic the emotion or actions that we see or hear from another. Meaning, if someone picks up a pen, the mirror neurons react, and the image of picking up a pen sparks in our brain. It's what allows how to relate to other people and feel empathy. It is also what psychologist believe is responsible for the emotions we feel when listening to music.

Thus, hearing about someone dying, and even hearing other people express their sadness, triggers the mirror neurons and mimics that feeling inside, and helps us understand. This is why, even if you try to ignore the idea and look away, the feeling is still being mirrored in your head, and you feel it, regardless--some stronger or weaker than others, depending on the strength of your mirror neurons.

Re: What's your thoughts?

PostPosted: Sat Dec 05, 2015 3:45 pm
by Quoyle

Re: What's your thoughts?

PostPosted: Sun Dec 06, 2015 12:47 am
by DrG2
loss

Re: What's your thoughts?

PostPosted: Sun Dec 06, 2015 9:16 am
by roda havet
Thank you everyone. To hear how others deal with things like this makes me feel a lot better. :)

Re: What's your thoughts?

PostPosted: Mon Dec 07, 2015 6:46 pm
by nhope

Re: What's your thoughts?

PostPosted: Mon Dec 07, 2015 9:05 pm
by roda havet
Nhope, thank you for commenting. I really appreciate everyone giving feedback on this subject. :)