How Do You Communicate Love?

[Luke]

You are writing a book and, like many, it has a love aspect. The love may not be a big part of the story or it could be all the story is about, either way, how do you depict it?

The women who have loved me have always been tender, both physically and psychologically.

That's how I do it - I try to express that in the loving relationship.

[EccentricKim]

In my last book, a YA, the two characters become best friends, and at first don't even realize they've fallen in love. But one finally realizes her feelings and has to say something when the other might get in a relationship with someone else.

Actually the friends-first theme seems to be common for me. But in my current WIP I have a girl who likes to play the field, and it's been fun and different to write!

[emersonkelly]

In my last book, a YA, the two characters become best friends, and at first don't even realize they've fallen in love. But one finally realizes her feelings and has to say something when the other might get in a relationship with someone else.

Actually the friends-first theme seems to be common for me. But in my current WIP I have a girl who likes to play the field, and it's been fun and different to write!

In most of the cases, Love starts with friendship!! Right??

[Anya Kylash]

I am not well versed in it, but there are two characters who are engaged. The female, girl that she is, is very defensive, even though they've known each other for years, thinking that the guy is going to go off for a better girl, but he's utterly faithful. I portray love through the little things they do, how casually they talk to each other and how well they know every single fact about each other. In short, it's hard to say anything about love. It's different in every story and hard to explain.

[jannertfol]

Two people who show a heightened awareness of each other often love each other. If you can depict this hyper-awareness, you're halfway there. The two people don't necessarily need to realise that they love each other (yet), but their connection might easily be obvious to other characters as well as your readers.

[robjvargas]

In a full-blown love relationship, I don't know how you separate one from the other.

Love has quirky moments. Love has passionate moments. It has moments where the two (or more) finish each others' sentences. It has moment that leave each feeling alien and unknown to the other.

And they don't always feel the same at the same time. He gets her every move, and that makes him look/feel alien to her. He gets cuddly at the very moment that she's looking for "hot monkey love". He gets an obscure reference she makes. She jokes, and burns him to the nerve.

Toss in a massive spatula, attach the spatula to an industrial mixer. Spin to a deep froth.

Voila! Love.

Even when it doesn't work, it seems to me that love *is* a communication between the partners. Show that, and I think the readers will get it.

[TerryRodgers]

Love is so wide, based on age, sex, and life experiences, that communicating it will be different for everyone. It's amazing how one word can bring together so many different explanations. For that alone I believe love is one of the most difficult things to explain or communicate. It is seen by all, and everyone views love differently. Men and women are on two different planets when it comes to love. Unlike fantasy where you can invent anything, I believe you cannot invent love if you have never been in love. Reason for that is your reader can tell the difference. What I do believe is that based on your life experiences you will have a different understanding of love if you are a teenager than someone who has been with the same person for ten, twenty, or thirty years.

What I don't think I've seen in this thread so far is what does love feel like? Once you understand what love feels like then you can communicate that feeling to your readers. Here's a few of my ideas about love.

1. Everything you dream or think about in your daily routine involves someone besides yourself. Even something so small as a single word you see on the Internet, or the television, or in a book and you immediately spend the next five minutes thinking about that special someone. One word, that's all it takes.

2. A nervousness around someone that even after many years continues to crop up. You can't explain it except that butterflies invade your stomach and you actually fear that you will mess something up. If you are deeply in love with someone you know what I mean. (This is different than the feeling of insecurity.)

3. Love is a feeling that you can look at the same person day in and day out and no matter what happens over the years be it aging, changes in body, health, or something tragic, you continue to look at that person like it was the first time you met.

4. Here's a big one for guys. Love is not buying flowers when you've done something wrong. Love is buying flowers when everything is right. This includes Valentines Day.

5. Love is knowing that there are two and not just you.

6. Love is visible. Love is invisible. Know the difference and when to express each.

7. Love is not being present in the same room, it's being present in each other's heart.

I could keep going, but I'm getting a little sappy. Just know this, men and women view love differently and no to views are the same.

[b.sherman]

Hmm, interesting question!

I write what I like to read, and that is a romance with a deep, abiding love in the end. Throughout the story I see two people conquer obstacles, each with their own demons to bear, yet as they learn about each other they develop an undeniable yearning for more. Eventually this lust grows into a forever love.
What does love feel like? It feels like strength as it binds you to another. It is all-consuming and passionate, laced together with need and desire. Do I think a writer can describe love, if the writer has never been in love? Well, I suppose, if that person is incredibly talented. All I can say is that over the years, sadness and regret has shaped me. Love lost, love cultivated, love that is sustained-they are all things that have made an impact on how I write a love story. I think the love stories I wrote when I was a teenager were filled with angst and emotion, but now...now my love scenes have some meat to them.
I can't say that writers must experience something to write it effectively. How on earth would we write historical fiction and sci-fi?? That said, however, years of insight into a subject surely can't hurt.

[TerryRodgers]

Love is so wide, based on age, sex, and life experiences, that communicating it will be different for everyone. It's amazing how one word can bring together so many different explanations. For that alone I believe love is one of the most difficult things to explain or communicate. It is seen by all, and everyone views love differently. Men and women are on two different planets when it comes to love. Unlike fantasy where you can invent anything, I believe you cannot invent love if you have never been in love. Reason for that is your reader can tell the difference. What I do believe is that based on your life experiences you will have a different understanding of love if you are a teenager than someone who has been with the same person for ten, twenty, or thirty years.

What I don't think I've seen in this thread so far is what does love feel like? Once you understand what love feels like then you can communicate that feeling to your readers. Here's a few of my ideas about love.

1. Everything you dream or think about in your daily routine involves someone besides yourself. Even something so small as a single word you see on the Internet, or the television, or in a book and you immediately spend the next five minutes thinking about that special someone. One word, that's all it takes.

2. A nervousness around someone that even after many years continues to crop up. You can't explain it except that butterflies invade your stomach and you actually fear that you will mess something up. If you are deeply in love with someone you know what I mean. (This is different than the feeling of insecurity.)

3. Love is a feeling that you can look at the same person day in and day out and no matter what happens over the years be it aging, changes in body, health, or something tragic, you continue to look at that person like it was the first time you met.

4. Here's a big one for guys. Love is not buying flowers when you've done something wrong. Love is buying flowers when everything is right. This includes Valentines Day.

5. Love is knowing that there are two and not just you.

6. Love is visible. Love is invisible. Know the difference and when to express each.

7. Love is not being present in the same room, it's being present in each other's heart.

I could keep going, but I'm getting a little sappy. Just know this, men and women view love differently and no two views are the same.

[b.sherman]

Love is so wide, based on age, sex, and life experiences, that communicating it will be different for everyone. It's amazing how one word can bring together so many different explanations. For that alone I believe love is one of the most difficult things to explain or communicate. It is seen by all, and everyone views love differently. Men and women are on two different planets when it comes to love. Unlike fantasy where you can invent anything, I believe you cannot invent love if you have never been in love. Reason for that is your reader can tell the difference. What I do believe is that based on your life experiences you will have a different understanding of love if you are a teenager than someone who has been with the same person for ten, twenty, or thirty years.

What I don't think I've seen in this thread so far is what does love feel like? Once you understand what love feels like then you can communicate that feeling to your readers. Here's a few of my ideas about love.

1. Everything you dream or think about in your daily routine involves someone besides yourself. Even something so small as a single word you see on the Internet, or the television, or in a book and you immediately spend the next five minutes thinking about that special someone. One word, that's all it takes.

2. A nervousness around someone that even after many years continues to crop up. You can't explain it except that butterflies invade your stomach and you actually fear that you will mess something up. If you are deeply in love with someone you know what I mean. (This is different than the feeling of insecurity.)

3. Love is a feeling that you can look at the same person day in and day out and no matter what happens over the years be it aging, changes in body, health, or something tragic, you continue to look at that person like it was the first time you met.

4. Here's a big one for guys. Love is not buying flowers when you've done something wrong. Love is buying flowers when everything is right. This includes Valentines Day.

5. Love is knowing that there are two and not just you.

6. Love is visible. Love is invisible. Know the difference and when to express each.

7. Love is not being present in the same room, it's being present in each other's heart.

I could keep going, but I'm getting a little sappy. Just know this, men and women view love differently and no two views are the same.

Terry, will you marry me?