[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
New Member Here, Would Appreciate Some Input : Poetic Asides • Writing Forum | WritersDigest.com

New Member Here, Would Appreciate Some Input

Network with other poets, including fans of Robert Lee Brewer's Poetic Asides blog.
bstro
Private E-1
 
Posts: 1
Joined: Mon Nov 10, 2014 5:50 pm

New Member Here, Would Appreciate Some Input

Postby bstro » Mon Nov 10, 2014 6:01 pm

Hi, after a quick Google search for a Writer's Forum. I came across this site and it seemed like a good place to help me with something I'm working on right now. I'm writing a poem as a wedding gift to my manager at work. I think I'm happy with the outcome, but of course, I'm my own worst critic.

Today we stand
Side by side
Hand in hand
And I can't hide
The love I have
In my heart for you
Nothing I know
Has ever been more true
So I'm making this promise
A solemn vow
To give myself
To you right now

With these legs
I'll stand by you
Supporting you in everything you do
With these arms
I'll hold you tight
Just to make sure everything's all right
With these hands
I give to thee
Safety and security
With these words
I give you my heart
From now until death do us part

So with these eyes
I look at you
And with these lips
I say, "I do"

She married this guy she met from Bulgaria, so I'm going to translate it into Bulgarian. Put both versions in a frame and put pictures of them from their wedding day in between the two poems. Any opinions would be a great?

Sincerely,
-Brandon-

Storylover02
Private E-1
 
Posts: 36
Joined: Mon May 12, 2014 7:27 pm

Re: New Member Here, Would Appreciate Some Input

Postby Storylover02 » Tue Nov 11, 2014 12:56 pm

Perfect wedding vows. Some lines sound just a tad cliche, but love is something that forgives any sort of cliche. It's sweet, it's heartfelt, and I'm sure that they'll love it.

User avatar
TristanCodyPoetry
Private E-1
 
Posts: 29
Joined: Mon Sep 01, 2014 1:04 pm

Re: New Member Here, Would Appreciate Some Input

Postby TristanCodyPoetry » Sat Nov 15, 2014 12:28 pm

I think that the minor cliches add a bit of sweet, quirky romance to the poem. I like ti and I am sure they will love it too. I also like how you have the rhymes throughout the poem - those will come in handy when reading it aloud.
Editor of , published poet and literature buff.


Return to Poetic Asides

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests

cron