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Momma : Poetic Asides • Writing Forum | WritersDigest.com

Momma

Network with other poets, including fans of Robert Lee Brewer's Poetic Asides blog.
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Mallori
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Momma

Postby Mallori » Fri Apr 05, 2013 1:27 am

What does it mean when she loves
you so much she can feel what you feel?
No words are said.
No movement need happen.
Caramel eyes and a gentle touch.
Cracked skin that bleeds mercy.
Maybe she will realize that her
breath gives me peace and her
smell is like magnolias after the rain.
From this womb I was nurtured.
From this flesh I was molded.
Woman. Love. Friend. Provider.

KnightWriter
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Re: Momma

Postby KnightWriter » Fri Apr 05, 2013 12:13 pm

I actually asked myself this past week if it would be poetry to start off with a question. I wondered if it would be like an opening speech or something motivational. You got it going on! I have learned something new today!!! Thank you! :)

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Mallori
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Re: Momma

Postby Mallori » Fri Apr 05, 2013 2:50 pm

Thanks KnightWriter! I do believe starting a poem with a question is fine. I am glad you liked my poems. I am going to try and read yours tonight and give you any help you may need. I welcome any constructive criticism.

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Re: Momma

Postby max2011 » Fri Apr 05, 2013 3:51 pm

love your poem. :mrgreen: I think getting rid of punctuation would make it even better.

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Mallori
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Re: Momma

Postby Mallori » Fri Apr 05, 2013 5:37 pm

Hi Max2011. Thank you. I will look into that :)

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Mallori
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Re: Momma

Postby Mallori » Fri Apr 05, 2013 9:51 pm

Would you please reference me a poem that does not have punctuation? I am used to reading poems with punctuation.

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Re: Momma

Postby KnightWriter » Mon Apr 08, 2013 3:19 pm

Yeah, I hate to sound any facsimile of negative or critiquing (I want everything to be sunshine and corn dogs...ooh...nice thought! :D ) but at the same time I got to agree. The punctuation makes it sound kinda like a telegraph message. DOT-DOT-DOT-DOT.....STOP for a whole page. The words are there, no question about that. If it were me, I wouldn't erase ALL of the punctuation. I'd just corral some of it, if that makes any sense.

max2011
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Re: Momma

Postby max2011 » Tue Apr 09, 2013 9:31 pm

all you have to do is remove the periods and question mark from the end of each line. ;) For example:

What does it mean when she loves
you so much she can feel what you feel
No words are said
No movement need happen
Caramel eyes and a gentle touch
etc.

riham
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Re: Momma

Postby riham » Fri Nov 14, 2014 5:19 am

If you're looking for a book, you might want to write some more or join up with other poets to submit to poetry agents or publishers. If you mean for a magazine, I'm not sure at all.
riham

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Re: Momma

Postby TristanCodyPoetry » Fri Nov 14, 2014 5:46 pm

Extraordinarily sweet and precise in the way it tells this half question/half story. Absolutely lovely! I really enjoyed how it looks with the repetition of "her" twice at the end of the lines.

Thank you for sharing.
Editor of , published poet and literature buff.


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